Payton,
Last week I had an ambush meeting at school where three school officials laid out all that is wrong with you. They had all of their notes and ducks lined up; their observations and stories. While I thought the agenda of the meeting was to discuss ways to resolve our PE issue, the “agenda” was changed without my knowledge.
No worries though, baby, I am ever the quick thinker. One thing I have learned while raising you is to not be surprised by the unexpected and to think on my feet.
For a bit after the ambush, I felt…well, I felt a lot of things. I felt all of the things any parent would feel when hearing such things about their child. It was the first time we’ve had a teacher to not just accept you as quirky & different, but essentially ok. Sure, previous teachers have come to me with questions but always with an attitude of you simply being different than the typical kid. This though was my first round with a teacher who views you as different in a bad way and she had other people in her corner.
I admit son that I left that meeting feeling disoriented and unsure. It’s taken a few days for me to sort my own feelings out and work through it all.
Today, my faith in you is restored.
Because I see you with more than my eyes.
You know how to feel life, really feel it, because you delve all the way into your feelings. You allow yourself the freedom to fully feel them; the good and the bad emotions. You embrace them all and truly live them. Life is never boring while you are around.
You show the way we are meant to live. Fully. Loudly. Intensely. To live it all. To feel it all. You show what it means to be alive.
You abandon yourself to imagination. No matter where we might be, you can create fantastical worlds and you live and walk there while I’m walking the mundane world of grocery shopping at Wal Mart. But you! You are marching, spinning, fighting and capturing all kinds of wild creatures like Oozes and Crociciles. You carry on with your play no matter who is around and watching. You don’t care if they see.
You show the way to live freely. To embrace our ideas and live them out with no fear of what others may think of you. That is true freedom.
And your need for solitude and alone time; to withdraw from the crowds and the noise when it begins to be too much. Son, most great ideas come during solitude because we are connected with our center.
You show the way to our center. You know where to find harmony. You show the way to peace.
There are no boxes for you. You are not typical – you are not autistic. You are not average – you are not wrong. You are not ordinary – you are not disabled. You are something larger than any box can contain. And when someone tries to force you into a box, you dig your heels in deeply and remind them you are a person.
You show the way to I AM.
You are the way to live life as it is meant to be lived. Fully, passionately, persistently. Joyfully, sadly, freely. As yourself.
You, my son, are the Way-Shower.
And now, while you are young, I am your Light-Bearer.
As we walk along this unbeaten path together, I’m here to help light your way. When others try to steer you off of this path and put you on the well-worn highway of averageness, it is my hand you grasp, not theirs. I feel your small hand in mine and it reminds me to lift my light higher.
And we can see a bit further down our path.
For now, I am your voice because you are young and people make the mistake of ignoring the voice of youth. But because I can see you with more than my eyes and can see what others cannot, I will use my voice for you.
I will continue to be your voice and your Light-Bearer until the day you are old enough to take the path on your own.
Then I will watch your own light shine.
And my God, how bright you will shine!
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This post actually brought tears to my eyes. You are such an amazing mom.
I cannot believe what you are dealing with at this school. Ridiculous. Totally screwed up. Are there other schools in the area you can look into?
Hang in there. Be true to what you know is right. Don’t be swayed by the small-minded people.
(hugs) (I don’t usually do that, but I was FEELIN it this morning)
Beautiful post! If only all parents felt that way.
i refer to my daughters as being “focused” instead of stubborn. I know one day they will use that focus for good.
Wow, I loved that. He is a lucky little boy to have a mom like you, and sounds like you are blessed to have him, too. Don’t they always say that all of the genius, creative kind of people can never be boxed in?
So many posts have made me cry today – add this one to the list.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with that teacher – I have a feeling she’ll be more than sorry herself when she bears the brunt of the light-bearer. Pity she wouldn’t take some tips from her colleagues who’ve met your son before.
I am asking your permission to copy this post.
I will copy this post and hand it out to every parent and teacher and principal who can not see the way you see.
I will use it at parent teacher conferences and teacher meetings and I will reference the mother that wrote this piece about her son.
I will make clear that we should all see all children this way. For it is the way a child should be.
Free.
This was wonderful.
You have such a way with words…
Beautiful post. Hang in there!
amen
Truly, truly touching, and meant for so many ears. May you shine the light so bright it blinds the nay sayers.
hugs for you and your amazing child.
You’re an amazing mom. And that is why you were blessed to be HIS mom.
Oh, Heather, that was wonderful! How lucky Payton is to have you, his light bearer. Your post brought tears to my eyes, as the parent of another atypical little boy. Keep being strong…
This is a really, really, really good post, friend.
And you are the mom everyone deserves.
As the others have said before me, this is a beautiful post and you are an amazing mother. Very moving, and a wonderful reminder not to let ourselves be swayed as parents into buying what the box-holders are pushing.
That was an amazing post! Will you be my mommy? I love the way you look at your son and will try to look at my sons in the same way a lot more often.
Prayers for you both, Way-Shower and Light-Bearer.
As I type through my tears…
THAT is what being a mom is all about. THAT is true love. You’ve captured it all right here.
There’s no way he won’t be one of our most brilliant stars.
What a lovely post. He is a very lucky boy to have such a steadfast light bearer.
Another sweet post by an amazing mama. Shine on, my friend.
Oh my love, I am so sorry that people are trying to classify and label your sweet amazying boy. Do not let them for ONE instant make you doubt the amazing gift that he is. You know what is best for him that much is obvious. Much love to you.
That is beautiful writing, and I’m getting teary as well. Thank you.
This is fierce. FIERCE. I love how you love your boy.
Absolutely, awesomely beautiful.
Beautiful. Amazing.
As I sit here, wiping tears from my cheeks, I have no idea what to say. You are an amazing woman, an amazing mom…the perfect mom for Payton. You give him the fierce love and protection that he needs and deserves.
You are truly amazing and inspiring. Thank you for sharing this.
BTW, I am absolutely horrified at the way the school is treating Payton and this whole situation. Keep fighting the way you have been…hopefully they will open their blind eyes and see Payton for what he really is…an amazing little boy….and stop putting those damn labels on him.
This is an amazing post, Heather. Amazing.
Does this school EVER say anything GOOD about your son? Sounds like all they do is deal with the negative! That is horrible! I wish you luck!
I couldn’t help but read this from two different points of view… as a parent and as an educator. Thanks for challenging me to be better at both of those.
I emailed this to several of my coworkers. Maybe it will help us all to be more empathetic with parents.
Grace and peace to you and yours -
What a wonderful post – I think that your son is with you because he gives you that gift – and he has been blessed with a gift of you as his mother.
Your love for your son is so bright that it brings tears to my eyes. Another beautiful post, that’s all I can really say. Just beautiful.
Beautifully written. You are one amazing mama!
That was perfect. Thank you.
That was perfect. Thank you.
That was perfect. Thank you.
That was perfect. Thank you.
That was perfect. Thank you.
That was perfect. Thank you.
Oh honey, you were right. This was wonderful.
My son – well, let’s just say he would get along well with yours. Or not, as the case may be. LOL
Good for you for being his champion – not just because you are his mom, but because you GET him and love him for just exactly who he is.
This has got to be the most glorious , moving piece of writing. I could barely see the last few sentences through the tears blurring my vision. How fantastic. How frickin’ fantastic. Makes my love my boy fiercely. From over here, I am blessing you, and printing this out to keep in my private meditation place. My God, the moon, the stars, all the heavens and forces there are, bless you.
Very touching post. When my son started 6th grade 4 years ago I had to deal with a teacher constantly putting my son down, not just to me or other school officials but to my son also. Because my son has an IEP (individual education plan)plan in place because he struggled with reading he was stuck with this teacher for 3 years until I moved. We went claw to claw on many occasions because of the attitude she had towards my son. When I finally had enough and realized that dealing with her on a mature level wasn’t working I set up a team meeting with her when my son was in seventh grade. The principal, and all of his teachers was at the meeting. I told her in front of everyone at the meeting if she chose to continue to belittle, insult and make my son feel bad about himself I would meet her outside of the school one day. I was told by the principal that this was no way to address the matter to which I replied, “I have tried for 2 years to address the matter as a mature adult to no avail,” “Now I’m going to address the matter as a mother!!!” The sniveling teacher called DSS on me and reported that I threatened her and that every time she sees my son in school he looks depressed and unhappy. I couldn’t believe she stooped to this level. After DSS made their required visit and talked to my sons other teachers they dropped the complaint but not me, oh no, it was off to yet another meeting. She was speechless when I confronted her about calling DSS. The school finally realized why my son was still having difficulties with reading, because this bitch wasn’t concerned with teaching him as much as she was concerned with putting him down. He looked unhappy all the time in school because he had to endure her for a better part of each day. I left that meeting with one finally comment directed at her, “If you don’t do your job and teach my son instead of putting him down I will meet you outside someday!!!” My son is now in the ninth grade at a new school and he is doing great. He actually enjoys school now.
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This is my absolute favorite. I could read this forever. I’ve been rereading everything: it’s been that kind of week with my son. I need to go to a place where all is put in perspective: and that is here. But I love this post, absolutely love it. Wouldn’t have made it through this week of parent /teacher conferences without it. You are my armor.
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