Take a child who has a passionate love of learning – a child who excels at learning, particularly in one subject and seems to absorb the information with no effort. But this child hates school with as much passion as he loves learning and has problems in school.
Why do we always assume the child is the root of the problem?
People do it almost every time.
I consider myself pretty free-thinking and am certainly known to question authority, and I don’t accept ideas as true because everyone else accepts them. But yet again, even I have to wade through the whole mentality of it always being the individual who is wrong.
The longer I raise Payton, the quicker I get at wading through old mentalities.
During our ambush meeting at school a few weeks ago, the psychometrist adamantly insisted that Payton was exhibiting atypical behavior and was convinced he needed therapy and testing.
Funny. They didn’t consider that perhaps the school administrators and staff needed some therapy to better recognize and understand gifted minds. Again, it’s always the child with the problem, not the adults or system.
I see commercials on TV now telling us how autism is on the rise. So is ADHD. Is there any “childhood disorder” that isn’t on the rise?
In 2002, 1.623 million kids were diagnosed with ADHD. In 2005, the number was 4.4 million.
4.4 million!
Am I the only one who thinks something isn’t right and it isn’t the kids?
I think most parents probably hear those kinds of numbers and go into somewhat of a panic, thinking……What is wrong with our kids? What’s causing this to happen more and more? Is it vaccines? Something in the water? Acid rain! Lead laden toys from China!
I venture to guess parents think that because I use to ask myself the same questions. But I don’t ask those questions any longer. Instead of asking what is wrong with our kids, I’m asking….
What is wrong with the system? How does it need to change?
Why is the system demanding more and more conformity? Or are they?
Has the system always been this way?
I think it has. As long as there has been compulsory education, (and probably before) each generation has griped over how schools are only about spitting out facts and not true learning.
Yet something is going on with our children.
Instead of a phenomenon of pathology in our children, what if it’s a phenomenon of creative minds being born and the schools are truly not equipped to deal with this influx of highly creative children. Schools have never been equipped for them, only we’re seeing more and more of these bright children being born.
I’ve said it before and I still believe it. More children are coming into this world with higher minds, not with more disorders.
But the current generation of adults doesn’t understand what it means to have a higher mind and we explain it in the only way we can relate – disease, dysfunction, disorder. As a society, that’s where we put our minds and our money. If you don’t think that’s true, then count the number of pharm ads you see in television and print each day. Pick up any parenting magazine and notice how many ads are in there for ADHD medication. Now try to find information readily available on gifted children.
Contrary to popular belief, gifted minds are not what we would consider normal kids, only much smarter. Think about it. When we hear little Johnny is gifted, what comes to mind?
Is it the media stories of a 15-year-old who embodies every positive human attribute, only they are so smart they are beginning their freshman year in college? They are just like everyone else, only much smarter. You know, Doogie Howser.
That seems to be the only type of giftedness in children our society talks about and accepts.
If you were to read the following characteristics, would you associate them with giftedness?
- reactions are over-the-top
- difficulty modulating behaviors
- low tolerance of frustration
- hyperactivity
- sensitivity to noise, touch and other sensations
- preoccupation with objects and/or ideas
- extreme interest in one area
- problems making friends
- intense tantrums, frequently beyond the toddler years
- unusual sleep patterns
I think it’s unlikely many would associate those traits with giftedness or a highly creative mind.
Why would they when those characteristics sound just like the characteristics of Aspergers? Some of them run parallel to ADHD too. And that’s all we hear about through the media.
I copied those traits out of the book A Parent’s Guide to Gifted Children. Those are a some of the qualities the authors describe as very common in the gifted child. In fact, the more you see in quantity and degree, the more brilliant the mind.
However, our society is so quick to jump to the idea of pathology and children who exhibit those above characteristics are first assumed to have something wrong with them.
Are we diagnosing an entire generation of creative geniuses with disorders?
And we “therapy” out of them some of the very characteristics that make them creatively gifted.
What are we doing?
I can only guess that we continue to play the system’s mind game of the child having the problem? Perhaps because we feel powerless against the system.
Well, I’m not powerless.
And I refuse to play the game their way.
I’ve been holding the story of this ambush meeting I keep referring to. I didn’t know what to say about it or what point I would have with it. But now I realize there is a point to the story. We parents of these highly creative kids…we’re not powerless. And we don’t have to play their game. Through this tough time of first grade, I stood by my belief in my son. And it’s now changing the school’s belief in my child. That’s a story worth telling. And I’ll share more soon.
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I think you are on to something. It’s a cookie cutter system and, yes, there are probably many highly intelligent kids getting pigeon-holed into stifling categories. Your son is very lucky to have you as his champion.
I’d never seen that list for gifted minds before, but that’s awesome! I’m a teacher and yes, unfortunately the system wins. It sucks, big time. And it’s so big it’s hard for any one teacher to really fight it without just feeling helpless. So you keep on fighting for your son. You can fight for one person. Maybe you will inspire other parents to start fighting too and then the system will change.
There is so much money and personel in helping those students who are struggling that the ones who are brilliant, however they display it, just get “challenged” by bigger and more homework. Ugh.
Thanks for writing this. I also have a son who I hope will be brilliant someday!
Fabulous post! Quite possible the best thing I read all week! Thanks for sharing it!
This post is brilliant. I am a teacher, and I am appalled at how many kids are diagnosed with ADHD. You cannot tell me that this many children have a “disorder”. There is no way. It seems that school administrators are quicker than anyone to start labeling kids with disorders. In part, it may be their way of trying to get more funding for EAs and such, but I don’t agree with it.
I have not commented here before, but I read that list and was relieved. My daughter was expelled from preschool yesterday, for reasons highly related to that list now that I look at it. More specifically, we were not caving to their insistence that we discipline her in their way for certain actions. It seems to be their way or the highway, and we ended up on the highway. I will stop questioning my actions yesterday and move on to better things.
I agree and think the schools need to rethink how they treat these children or children, in general. Why can’t anyone think out of the box?
And why can’t we stop these test that don’t teach anything just repeating?
“In 2002, 1.623 million kids were diagnosed with ADHD. In 2005, the number was 4.4 million.”
No Child Left Behind was passed in 2001. Wonder if there is any correlation?
My son is having difficulties last year and this year, actually EVERY year, due to boredom. But it seems that the school tries to dumb down gifted kids to fit some sort of “norm.” I have begged the school to challenge him, advance him, engage him but to no avail. He hates school a lot of days.
I really appreciated this post. I hope that our sons will soon be appreciated for the smart, talented kids they are.
Yep, the number of kids “diagnosed” with ADHD is skyrocketing, no thanks to a society that wants a quick-fix, usually met with a pill. Apparently many people want their preschool and elementary kids to act like serene robots.
That’s a big thought that kids are coming into the world with higher minds. I’m going to start saying that (as if I made it up.) That could be IT….seriously, a mind upgrade and we don’t know how to deal with it.
Thank you for sharing your experience. My son is in 5th grade-very bright-not ‘gifted’ and very bored. He is also young, just turned 10 in Aug. I’ve heard of schools allowing kids who need it to use an exercise ball to sit on. I need to talk to his teacher, in all her 17 years of teaching about what has worked with bright, bored students. If The schools have no suggestions…that tells ya something.
Thank you for sharing your experience. My son is in 5th grade-very bright-not ‘gifted’ and very bored. He is also young, just turned 10 in Aug. I’ve heard of schools allowing kids who need it to use an exercise ball to sit on. I need to talk to his teacher, in all her 17 years of teaching about what has worked with bright, bored students. If The schools have no suggestions…that tells ya something.
Thank you for sharing your experience. My son is in 5th grade-very bright-not ‘gifted’ and very bored. He is also young, just turned 10 in Aug. I’ve heard of schools allowing kids who need it to use an exercise ball to sit on. I need to talk to his teacher, in all her 17 years of teaching about what has worked with bright, bored students. If The schools have no suggestions…that tells ya something.
Thank you for sharing your experience. My son is in 5th grade-very bright-not ‘gifted’ and very bored. He is also young, just turned 10 in Aug. I’ve heard of schools allowing kids who need it to use an exercise ball to sit on. I need to talk to his teacher, in all her 17 years of teaching about what has worked with bright, bored students. If The schools have no suggestions…that tells ya something.
Thank you for sharing your experience. My son is in 5th grade-very bright-not ‘gifted’ and very bored. He is also young, just turned 10 in Aug. I’ve heard of schools allowing kids who need it to use an exercise ball to sit on. I need to talk to his teacher, in all her 17 years of teaching about what has worked with bright, bored students. If The schools have no suggestions…that tells ya something.
Thank you for sharing your experience. My son is in 5th grade-very bright-not ‘gifted’ and very bored. He is also young, just turned 10 in Aug. I’ve heard of schools allowing kids who need it to use an exercise ball to sit on. I need to talk to his teacher, in all her 17 years of teaching about what has worked with bright, bored students. If The schools have no suggestions…that tells ya something.
I would like to print out this post today, and include it in my folder as one of my responses to people who constantly ask why I would choose to homeschool my child. As if it would harm her in some way, and by forcing me to verbalize some rationalization they could bring ME to sanity.
Harrumph.
I think your son is very lucky to have such an advocate on his side as you. Good luck to both of you!
I can only imagine being so wicked smart and wanting to learn so much but still being so small and being in elementary school and the “system” would be so insanely frustrating that all those “symptoms” would equate to greatness.
What an excellent post. I often think about this very thing in terms of many disorders. The wider we cast the net and name endless symptoms for certain “disorders”, the more people are over-diagnosed.
What kind of a world are we creating for our children if someone exhibits certain characteristics that vary slightly from the norm, that there is automatically something wrong with them and they must be medicated?
Have you heard about http://www.edin08.com/
I wrote about it on my blog also because this is an issue very close to my heart. Three of my children have varying degrees of auditory processing issues. My oldest also has Tourette’s, OCD, ADHD, and an anxiety disorder. Her auditory processing issue was not bad enough to qualify her for special ed from our public school. I was pissed about it at first because her test showed an above average child that fell below average in regards to auditory processing. That alone should have been enough. We had to pay privately for her language therapy. This is why we decided to not send our kids to a public school. Large class sizes, high rates of teacher turnover and teachers who are not educated in handling children with neurobehavioral issues scared the crap out of me. More than likely my daughter would be viewed as a behavior problem. I’ve seen it happen one to many times with my friend’s kids. And kids being expelled from preschool? You’ve got to be kidding me?
Fortunately I can afford a private montessori school where my kids are thriving. Their preschool class runs like a well oiled machine. The teachers are experts at behavior modification. No child has ever been expelled from their preschool. It can be done and every school deserves well educated teachers who also have some sort of child behavior training. Labeling every child who misbehaves at school ADHD is not the answer. I totally agree with you that in most cases the problem is with the teacher. Is that teacher willing to make special accommodations for children in need? Such as putting their desk in the front of the room, making eye contact when giving directions, asking the child to repeat the instructions given. One of your commenters mention having the child sit on a ball. My daughter did that for several years. She was able to focus and learn better if she was moving.
My point is that every school deserves a smaller class size and a well educated teacher. Not just those who can afford to pay for it.
All my best to you and your issue with your son.
I agree with you 100%. ADHD has been more of a societal condition rather than a medical one. Don’t get me wrong-there are medical indicators for many kids, but it is becoming more common to say, “We don’t know what to do with him (funny how it is often boys)-he must be ADHD!” I am right there with you sister-I will fight this fight with you. I even considered homeschooling (and I am so not a homeschool type) because I was damned if I was going to force my kids to learn in a box.
Slackermommy: I don’t know if it can be done in public schools. Because the public/gov’t/powers that be won’t fund it.
Like I said, as a culture, we put our minds, mouth and money into disease. Until THAT mindset changes, the system will not change. Why would it?
Gifted kids are suppose to be supported through special ed too….but it doesn’t happen. The “gifted programs” in my state is a joke and not the kind of support most gifted kids need. Only those with medical conditions get support through special ed. See….that’s where we put our minds and money.
The change has to start in the mind of the public first. I’ve changed mine….
Its amazing. My son was just overly hyper, and now that he is on Daytrana to calm him down , he doesn’t need as much help at school, he is more focused too. I’m totally against medicating, but after we had exhausted all other options, and felt the intervention wasn’t working too well, we took matters into our own hands, and he is doing better!
This is an amazing post, Heather, I love it! You are such an incredible advocate for you son, and by extension, for all of the brilliant children being forced to conform to the system’s expectations.
Even the children who do well in school are molded together into these little patriotic automatons. It breaks my heart to hear Matilda making her playmobil people say the pledge of allegiance and knowing that she has no idea what she’s pledging. What the system really can’t handle is the many shades of gray that exist in our world and the fact that things are not one-sided or simple. I think that it is a huge mistake to teach children that things are black and white, good or bad without allowing for nuances and in-betweens. And then by medicating extraordinary children, what are we doing to our future? Will the brilliant creative minds of future generations be stifled all at once? What will happen to innovation and discovery if we continue to churn out medicated clones? The answer frightens me.
I can’t wait to hear more of your story. And let me know if there is anything I can do to help, even from all the way up here in Yankee country.
My daughter was gifted in some areas. The gifted program in public school was Accelerated Reader”. It was a joke. She was bored. But she was never at a level where there were behavior problems that were associated, she was just advanced for her age. So it was frustrating for me but not seriously detremental to her. My sister was learning disabled and in special ed. Again it was far from ideal. She couldn’t quite be “mainstreamed” (don’t all the rest of us love that – our kids are “mainstream”, how delightfully pedestrian!), but the disabilities in the special ed classes were much more severe than her case, so she felt uncomfortable there. The public school can barely handle the differences among our “mainstream” kids, let alone any case where something requiring more nuanced attention is needed.
Great post and great comments, too.
I have nothing better to add, it seems everyone has already said what I was going to say.
you need to watch this…every parent and educator should watch this! Kate
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVxT4XO0ZuY
I’m a former special education teacher, so I know first hand that learning disabilities are real and a real problem. HOWEVER, I think that a lot of kids exhibit some ADHD symptoms or behavior problems simply because we are increasingly expecting them to exhibit adult-like focus. Kids aren’t wired to be still! Cutting PE and recess to make way for more standardized test prep is one of the worst things that schools have done.
Great post!
I really feel that a lot of kids fall through the cracks in elementary school and that influences the rest of their lives. I’m one of those people. I am 22 so in the early 90′s when ADD became THE thing to diagnose kids with I was said to have add without hyperactivity but the medication made me an emotional wreck (I’m already very sensitive) and I didn’t really need the medication. I needed to learn differently. I would get frusterated and upset very easily and give up on math w/the mentality I just wasn’t good at it..when I excelled in science and english and the rest.
Unfortunately, schools can’t cater to each and every child and figure out what works best for them. They have to have a approve curriculum and teachers are bombarded with 30+ children to teach and keep entertained. My mom was single and working nights, she didn’t have the time or resources to get me working at home. Not to mention the mentality that most people had with me that I was just “lazy”. No, I wasn’t lazy. I could spend hours on the subject that I enjoyed or WANTED to learn but the things I couldn’t be “perfect” at I ignored or got so frustrated with I’d give up.
I don’t think I’m “gifted”, but I think I did not get an education that I deserved and I think the cookie-cut way of teaching/learning doesn’t work well for me.
REALLY great and important post, Heather. I couldn’t agree more.
Fantastic post! Have you read Indigo Children?
http://www.amazon.com/Indigo-Children-Kids-Have-Arrived/dp/1561706086/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2/104-7434990-7041509?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1191871733&sr=8-2
Completely reinforces everything you said. Excellent book.
Well done! Keep up the fight!
I hope you can hear how loud I’m cheering for you.
“Instead of a phenomenon of pathology in our children, what if it’s a phenomenon of creative minds being born?”
I encourage you to read “The care and Feeding of Indigo Children” by Doreen Virtue. The author of this book shares your thoughts about more and more children being born with a higher level of intellect. My son too has been labeled which encouraged me to think outside the box. I was in tears by page 5 of this book. I was astounished that a complete stranger had such insight to my child. I’m positive that you, as well as anyone else in our situation, will be amazed with each turn of the page.
I stumbled across this post and I couldn’t agree with you more… because in a small way I was that kid. I ended up having a nervous breakdown when I was 16 and I dropped out of high school. I journaled through it noting that the system wants us to be ginger bread men… all from the same mold just decorated different. I struggled for years trying to find my way. I am now 29. I own and opperate a successful photography studio. My father recently told me that the “school issues” were because I was so advanced mentally that I couldn’t cope with the “regression” that the institution tried to impose. In 3rd grade 5 of us were put in the “gifted and talented” program (an IQ of 130 was required) …. 10 years later 1 had moved away, 1 ran away to California 2 months before graduation but managed to graduate anyway, and the other 2 and I dropped out by 11th grade. Go figure.
It’s about time I tell you how often I refer to this post to keep my strength up. I’m the one that needs to be reminded. I fall too quickly when the school calls and makes me feel something is terribly wrong with my child. They make me feel like I am in denial. It is a head game, it truly is. I love you….Heather, you are my rock in all this. Thank you. I need to refer to this before I lose it on my poor child, and not after. When will I learn to not be so knee jerk reaction when the school calls. How do you do it? How do you stay confident and proud of your child, when I buckle and question myself and my judgement. Oh, they’ve done a great job of brainwashing me, haven’t they? I’m convinced, with every phone call, that MY child has the problem, and I’m the bad mother, and there can be no other answer. You are right…the school does take it’s cues from the parent. I think they like to hit on the vulnerable.
Man, I wish you were my mom when I was a kid. As much as I love my mom, and as many things as she got right, it scares the hell out of her to imagine that something as big and powerful and established as the American Educational System might be so deeply and fundamentally flawed. The screaming fights we got into, the “sick” days, the year I developed a mysterious (read: bullshit) illness and got to do all my schoolwork at home, the patterns filled into the bubble sheet on state standardized tests, the vile anger of administrators contrasting with the uncomfortable fascination of other administrators. Now, our fights revolve around my anger and frustration about college. I did it your way and it didn’t work. Why would I try again? Because it’s three little letters next to my name? I don’t put stock in that, and increasingly, the world doesn’t either.
This is becoming a very ranty comment. I apologize. I have so much anger and frustration when I think about my education experience and I’m one of the lucky ones. I never for a second believed that the adult bullies were right – not without really examining the logic. But I did hide under the radar. Because as much as I hated the abusive power trip, being average meant I could avoid that and also the distressing interest. Nothing scares a kid quite so much as the look of surprise and curiosity in an adult. Nothing shakes the world quite so hard as realizing you may be on the same level as they are, and *you* sure as hell don’t have life figured out. If my mom doesn’t really know what the right thing to do is, how the hell am I ever going to?
Be the advocate for your kid. It’s so refreshing to see more bloggers talking about their children and UNDERSTANDING their children. That bond is so critical. Empower your kid to be able to make independent choices (my mom got that bang on), but also try to understand. Do everything you can to understand. And you’re doing that, and that’s amazing. You have a very lucky son.