When I say karma is watching me, I’m not close to kidding.

She watches my every move, knows my every thought.

Funny how I consider karma a she. Probably because I don’t believe in karma in the conventional way. In my special Book of Crazy, karma is defined as my higher self fucking with my lower self. I came up with this definition because I don’t believe in a separation of power, i.e. there is no outside power authority that can punish or reward me. It’s really all about me. I’m sure my higher self isn’t a she or a he, but for language purposes, I’m a she, so she’s a she. See?

Anyway. Back to karma watching and doing things to me. (which is really me fucking around with myself, if you weren’t clear about that before.)

Remember when I got all persnickety about the laundry?

Then karma (aka my higher self) decided it was a perfect time to teach me a life lesson in superiority and went and broke my dryer.

Needless to say I was feeling less than superior that week. And apparently karma wanted me to take some sort of lesson about manipulating my husband to a new level because he didn’t whip out his ripped jeans and power tools.

By the end of the week, the laundry was piling up. I was in the john, where all inspired thoughts originate, and I figured I better go ahead and call a repairman. Wally was awfully busy at work, working late hours and such. And the dryer had to be fixed. I’ll get the phone book and look up a repairman.

As I was sitting there, I suddenly told myself I should go test the dryer one more time to make sure the dryer repair fairies hadn’t come sometime between Monday and Friday and magically repaired my dryer before I called someone out.

Because you never know. It could happen.

I would like to take this moment and thank my karma for bringing in those dryer repair fairies.

My dryer worked.

Electronically dried clothes here we come! Buh-bye crispy line-dried towels!

Then the power slide on the passenger side door of my van stopped working.

I’m not sure what lesson I’m suppose to learn on that one because karma has yet to contact the mini van repair fairies to magically fix that problem. Perhaps karma is trying to tell me to stop coveting the 2008 Honda CRV (in white with gray interior and tinted windows) and appreciate the 1999 mini-van that is paid for and has been a trustworthy vehicle?

We’ll see if that will bring on the magical mini-van repair fairies.

In the meantime, I went shopping in honor of Mother’s Emancipation Day. (my own creation, because I am the powah!,in place of the Hallmark Mother’s Day.)

I tried on a pair of size 8 shorts.

They were too big.

Eek!

Karma lurves me because I had to buy a size 6.

Eek again!

At the next store, I found an oh-so-cute tankini in my favorite color. I grabbed an 8, thinking maybe, just maybe, I’d have to come back for the 6 because, after all, karma lurves me.

I had to go back for another size alright.

A size 10.

Karma hates me.

This entry was posted on Monday, May 19th, 2008 at 4:00 am and is filed under Materialistic Me. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.