I am spending a lot of time at home this summer. A LOT of time. So much time I think I’m losing my mind. Driving the boys to their haircut has become an exciting outing for me simply because it means I get out of the house.

“Ohhh! Look boys! Other people! In the cars! Who knew we weren’t living a rendition of I Am Legend?”

I’m sure the boys’ hairdresser thought I was high or intoxicated. Or both. Because the way I talked non-stop, scratched my crotch, and burped very loudly would indicate that I was on something. OR! It could simply mean that I’ve forgotten what it means to socially interact with other human beings.

We can thank OPEC for the slippage of my mind and social behavior.

As if either had far to go before crossing the line anyway.

Our monthly gas bill has increased by 100% in two years. Seriously. Two years ago it took about $45 to fill up my van, now it’s about $90.

Meanwhile, our income has increased by 0% in two years. That’s a big fat zero. Not even a cost of living increase in two years.

And don’t even get me started on groceries. Oops, too late. I’m getting started on it.

There’s another 100% increase, though some of that isn’t just about price hikes. Some of it is due to having children who no longer eat off of my tits for free. My children have morphed into these odd and unheard of things called GROWING BOYS. Apparently this growing means they eat more food than 3+ years ago. The soaring prices aren’t helping by a long shot.

$4.50 for a gallon of store-brand milk? Fuck! Remember the good ol’ days, back in 2004, when you could get milk for $1.99? Why, sometimes the stores got all crazy and put milk on sale 2 for $3!

As a result, I have become a hermit in order to make ends meet. A hermit who wonders why she should take a bath when she isn’t going anywhere. I am venturing out of the house only twice a week, taking with me with a well-organized list of all errands, even plotting out the stops in the most gas-efficient route.

(My boss, who is also my minister, reads my blog daily. I know she’s going to be disappointed with my lack of prosperity consciousness. I’m trying to keep it! I really am, but I suck at this spiritual stuff sometimes, especially every other Friday. Please don’t make me wear a horsehair shirt.)

Since I am experiencing something akin to house arrest without the cool ankle bracelet, I’ve been trying to think of things I could do around the house to save my sanity. But this horsehair shirt is so itchy that it interferes with my thinking.

I got nothing.

Except for one thing. I became so desperate that I went and did something I swore I wouldn’t do.

I’ll tell you about that tomorrow. Otherwise, this would be a long-ass post. Ok, longer-ass post.

Until then, is anyone else having a summer stay-cation that is just as exciting as mine?

This entry was posted on Sunday, June 22nd, 2008 at 10:05 pm and is filed under All About Me. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.