I am proud to announce that I survived my 36 hours alone and didn’t fall into a puddle of anxiety attacks at the thought of car crashes, choking, and axe murders. There was a moment where I got a little freaked out by the utter silence my ears were experiencing, but I got the fuck over it real quick.

So what did I do while they were gone?

For starters, I pilated my ass and thighs. This may not sound noteworthy to you but I thoroughly enjoyed my twenty minutes of exercise without a) explaining to little guys why mommy is on her back with her legs spread open and stuck up in the air and b) the big guy ogling me while I lay on my back lifting my ass up and down over and over.

After the perverted pilate poses were finished, I did have another moment of confusion. As I was about to shower, I realized there was no one to issue the Mommy Is Taking A Shower Commandment to. You know the one….Do NOT open the door for anyone while I am in the shower!

Wow, so this is what it is like to take a shower and not worry your neighbor will be in your den when you get out.

Then I went out and tried on expensive clothing, just for shits and giggles. I could have stayed there for hours, rubbing the high quality fabric on my body. Mmmmmm, just thinking of it now makes my skin long for a higher tax bracket. I swear to you expensive clothing makes you look skinnier and prettier. I pinkie swear it’s true.

How do they do that?

I then played with department store make up samples until it was time to go home.

I got home and, my god, the house was STILL straight. That was an out of body experience. So I opened a bottle of wine in celebration.

An hour later I was feeling very happy, so I turned on some music and sang along with Norah Jones. I suck imitating Norah now. Yep, I said ‘now’ as if I could somewhat decently imitate her in the past. Because I totally could. And Jewel too. I was no American Idol prospect, but dogs didn’t howl either. I was even better at singing after a couple of drinks.

But that’s all gone now. Use it or lose it. I lost it. Then I realized there is nothing to stop me from taking up voice lessons again. Nothing at all. Except I haven’t done it.

Why do I do that?

Why is it so hard for me to take that step to do something for myself just because I want to. To actually have something outside of my family I’m doing just because it feels good to do it, because it’s something I’ve always wanted to do.

Why do I hold myself back like that?

Who the hell knows. I’m going to work on it.

Then I watched a chick flick and bawled my fucking eyes out because there was no one here to see me do it. That’s another thing I don’t understand. I will not cry during a good chick flick like I really want to. I *pretend* I’m not crying, as if Wally doesn’t know.

Come on, this man has seen children come out of my vagina. He has heard me scream from the pain of a dysfunctional epidural while delivering a 13.5″ head, cuss a doctor out, and held onto me even though I bruised the hell out his arms from the force of my death grip.

But I won’t cry in front of him over a chick flick. I am so rational.

By lunchtime the next day, the guys came home. And it was a little too early. Ugh, I feel guilty for whispering that, but it’s true. I could have used another day to myself.

BUT there’s a silver lining!

Wally brought home the most awesomest thing from his mother.

The biggest mother fucking box full of hangers you have ever seen in your life.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 15th, 2008 at 2:00 am and is filed under All About Me. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.