Twelve is the new magic number because it makes my head explode
Posted by Heather in School is for dummiesYesterday I realized that I am a BIG, huge tool. I’m such a tool that I would have Craftsman tattoo’d on my forehead if I didn’t think tattoos were kinda trashy. (They turn green or black as they get old and it looks like mold. Mold belongs in the trash.)
It’s entirely possible that I’m a big, huge tool because I don’t know how to spell “tattoo’d” and I’m too lazy to find out, or I just admitted I think tattoos are kinda trashy (ducking now), however, that is not the reason I’m a big, huge tool.
I’m a big, huge tool for letting myself get all worked up and worried over that phone call from Payton’s teacher last Friday – the one about him having a meltdown over the number of tests that day.
Payton’s bi-monthly test folder came home from school yesterday. Would you like to guess how many tests in all he had last week? Let’s all play a guessing game and see who guesses best.
I’m thinking of a number between twelve and twelve. Pick one and see who gets closest.
Ding! Ding! You win! I was thinking TWELVE!
That’s twelve tests in five days, people. In second grade. Did your head just explode? Because mine totally did.
I don’t blame Payton for melting down. I would have mentally collapsed too. I would have freaked the fuck out if I had that many tests in a week in college, and we’re talking second grade. The fact that Payton didn’t lose his cool until the last day of testing says a lot to me. Instead of worrying about the boy, I now give him a helluva lot of credit for making it to Friday before breaking down in tears.
Before anyone gets started with questions of private school, let me go ahead and address that. We did consider private schools during kindergarten and again at first grade. I narrowed down the field of possibilities by tuition we can afford and that left zero. I then narrowed that number down by eliminating the parochial schools and that left -2. (See, I like negative equations too.)
There are no Montessori or alternative learning schools except for one an hour away and I heard some not so good things about it over the summer. Alabama’s idea of a gifted school is a middle school preparatory where they think it’s fun to give smart kids zeros on their perfectly answered paper because they wrote their name in the left-hand corner of the paper instead of the right.
You are probably thinking, but Heather, surely you jest because what kind of fucking asshole would do something like flunk a kid because he put his name in the left corner or wrote in pencil instead of pen? And then I would answer the fucking assholes in Alabama, that’s who.
So that leaves homeschooling.
I have just one question about homeschooling for all of you who swear by it.
How do you people do it and not become a drunk? Because I would become a total drunk.
I started to write “I’m sorry, but I like my children better when I’m not around them ALL the time,” but I don’t need to apologize for that. I was with my kids all the time for eight years. I do like them more when I’m not around them all the time, and since Parker started school, it’s amazing how much more likable my kids are.
I have tasted freedom and it is sweet.
Then I thought to myself, before there were schools, mothers spent years and years with their children. How fucking spoiled am I that I spent eight years with mine and I think ENOUGH! If they did it, why can’t I? Then I remember that back in the old days when kids didn’t go to elementary school, women used to die in their thirties.
I don’t think that’s a coincidence.
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I just pulled my son out of Montessori, after almost 2 years. We had a parent/teacher conference last Friday and they told us not praise our son at all, since he might come to expect it in life – OK, I understand over-praising, but NO praise at all – uh, no. He also had to sit on a tiny rug all day while playing and then stand on a line waiting for one new toy, etc. Sure, I agree with having structure and discipline in a child’s life, but this was way too much. His teacher would call us weekly and demand that we spend time enforcing the same small ryg/line rules at home for everything – to get food, go to the bathroom, etc. He just turned 3! So, we pulled him out. And you know what? I felt relief for him and for me. He cried everyday before school, everyday, and I took him out for the summer. So, if your Montessori is anything like ours – thanks God your son isn’t going.
As for the kids of yore, yes their mothers died in their 30′s, but the kids also worked on the farm or in the factories…maybe we can petition to bring back child labor? Just kidding, I’d feel terrible eating bon bons while my 3 year old picked cotton…:)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I could never homeschool for a lomg period of time. I would be a drunk as well. Don’t the schools there have a gifted program within the elementary school? Wow.
That’s exactly what I thought, when my son had his meltdown after missing a whole week with the flu, going back to 3 days of testing, and then I find out he was being teased on a daily basis. I thought, “What..and he didn’t hit someone? All he did was flip out? Man, that kid is AWESOME!!” So, needless to say, the school and I saw his coping skills on opposite ends of the spectrum. I think he rocks, they, not so much. So, anyway, it’s great that you recognize what it took for that poor sweet Payton to hold it together , on his own, without his mama, during that time. He’s got it together, in my opinion.
faerie mom: the elementary gifted program doesn’t starts until 3rd grade in Alabama.
Alex: I try to keep in touch with Payton about the going-ons at the playground, bathroom, etc. He’s telling me no one is messing with him anymore. I can only work with what I know, so I have to go with what he’s saying on that one.
Twelve! Twelve!! That is insane. I don’t remember tests in second grade, let only 2-3 test a day. Wow.
And dying at 30, definitely not a coincidence.
I’m with ya. Mommy needs a break. I COULD NOT HOMESCHOOL. SUE ME. Plus, i think it speaks volume to a child who sees his parents navigate difficult situations in life – especially for his welfare. He’s seeing you defending him, fighting for what you know to be wrong, regardless of what the popular thought is. Good for you. I remember once my son (T1) told his kindergarten teacher once that it’s probably good she didn’t see me much around the school because that would mean there was a problem and she wouldn’t want to find out what it was.
Now, while I DID say that, it was really geared towards HIS mis-behaving and the warning was meant for him – but he never took it that way and used it on her. That’s my babe.
I just wanted to say hello from your trashy friend with trashy tattoos! Don’t let her fool you she does run around town with a trashy crowd! LOL
I know *exactly* what you’re saying, because that’s where I was. When I saw that homeschooling (specifically, unschooling) was what was needed, I was like: But wait! This is supposed to be MY time!! What about ME? And I honestly don’t know how the shift happened, but it did. The recognition that I needed to take responsibility for my kids, because I’m the one that chose to bring them into the world. It was up to me to provide them with the best environment possible for them to shine. And shine they have! I now can’t believe I ever had doubts, unschooling’s such an awesome way to live. I’m reluctant to say this, because it might sound like I’m saying YOU need to grow up — I’m not!! But for me – I needed to grow up! Put on my big-girl panties and take on the job of raising my kids the way they needed me to.
I find time when I find it – I’m a single mom, too, but if I wasn’t? I’d have at least *two* evenings a week when hubby would be in charge, and I could either stay home while he took the kids somewhere, or I’d go out, or I’d pretend to go out so the kids wouldn’t bug me, but really, I’d be curled up reading. As it is, I have every other weekend when the boys go to their Dad’s. I’m not recommending divorce, but it works really well for me.
PLUS – This time? When they need you so bad they follow you to the bathroom, chatting all the while as you try to close the door? It passes quick, sister. It’s gone in an instant. My boys are 9 and almost-16; I am SO grateful we’ve gotten to unschool, and I’ve had as much time as I possibly could with them. I’m NOT Miss Suzie Homemaker, but with unschooling, I fell in love with my kids so much I didn’t need as much time for me as I thought I did. Often, the solution when I THINK I need to get away, is to pull them closer, do something fun with them. Totally counterintuitive for me – I’m an introvert, too! But that works, it really does.
Feel free to e-mail me, my addy’s on my blogger ID.
Oh – and I have tattoos! Trashy? Please.
It’s an om! And an enso (zen symbol). When I’m old and they start to look like mold, I’ll just have mold tattood on the rest of my body to complete the look.
Wow, I’m in my senior year of college and become a stress case when I have two tests in a week, let alone twelve. I’d probably crap myself and die on the spot!
TWELVE! That is absurd. Completely ridiculous. Please pitch a big ol’ fit about that one. That is a completely inappropriate amount of stress to place on children that age, and there is no need to test that much (even in a NCLB world) if the teacher is doing his or her job. How could you possibly need more than one test per week per subject (which I still think is too much)? I assume there aren’t 12 different subjects?!
So says a teacher.
Hey Heather, me again,
Well, if I chose to replicate school at home, then I would probably be a drunk . . .LOL! Plus, if I wanted to do the same as the school, why not keep them in school and let the institution and the teachers be the bad guy? I don’t want that role.
So, then it’s about discovering there are many ways to learn. So, what were my main goals and how best to go about it? My main goal for my first son, who reminds me a LOT of your first son, was to allow his love of learning to continue to prosper. You also see this in yours as he tries to take the humdrum offered to him and turn it into something exciting. It means he hasn’t quite lost his love of learning yet, but I’m afraid he may be on the cusp of his schooling life where he keeps it or loses it.
Anyway, so how did I do that? I continued to do what I had always done at home with him, I kept exposing him to interesting things, made resources available to him, and hooked into all that our community offered to peak interests. The boy was insatiable, as I’ll bet yours is, and all I had to do was get out of his way. At my blog, you will find some interesting posts about our early days and the things I learned through my son. These two are some of the best: http://applestars.homeschooljournal.net/2007/01/10/the-death-of-show-me-work/ (you might like that one because of the recent test thing!) http://lifewithoutschool.typepad.com/lifewithoutschool/2007/03/from_snakes_to_.html (at a great site with various authors about homeschooling).
This is getting long, but the other thing one does with homeschooling is create a rhythm to everyone’s day, probably like you do in the summer. In the morning might be most conducive to free exploration where you have a bunch of stuff out on the table to peak interest, like cuisinaire rods, interest-based books, science tools, etc. as well as simply letting your sons find their own outlets. Afternoon might be community time, and evening might be family activities. It’s all educational and you have 24/7 to have those wonderful learning moments, whether through read alouds, a science center exhibit, or a history channel special on Ancient Egypt.
And through all this, I always carved out time for my own interests to be developed. What is a good mentor without that person engaging in their own joyful pursuits? It’s all good.
Decisions don’t have to be set in stone. Some play it year by year. Freedom from school schedules can be rewarding as well as being spoiled at having the community arenas all to ourselves
Some thoughts in regard to your question . . .
-Cindy
Wow… 12 does sound awfully excessive. I think you should have another talk with the teacher and ask if this is going to be a regular experience so you can help prepare Payton at home too. While you’re looking for other options. 12 tests in a week is ridiculous at any level. We used to have a spelling test and a math test each week in 4th grade and other tests sprinkled in… and that was 4th grade. I NEVER had 12 tests in a single week.
Wow… 12 does sound awfully excessive. I think you should have another talk with the teacher and ask if this is going to be a regular experience so you can help prepare Payton at home too. While you’re looking for other options. 12 tests in a week is ridiculous at any level. We used to have a spelling test and a math test each week in 4th grade and other tests sprinkled in… and that was 4th grade. I NEVER had 12 tests in a single week.
Private school is no picnic for my non-diagnosed ADHD boy. He can’t tow the line like he should and bursts out the answer when he’s not supposed to so gets recess and reading taken away. We are switching schools next year and I can’t wait for the stress to be off of both of us. You are doing the best you can. I would probably be in jail if I had to homeschool him.
I’m NOT trying to play devil’s advocate, but as for 12 tests in one week, I would guess that with today’s high student-teacher ratio, and NCLB accountability requirements, testing (or maybe quizing?) might be the only way for the teacher to ensure that all 30 of her students have mastered the material before they move on. I can’t believe that the teacher is trying to be a tyrant, but rather she’s probably trying to ensure that a child who may be struggling with the material isn’t overlooked.
I’ve been reading your blog for awhile now and your love for your boys is so apparent, and I know how difficult it is to watch your child struggle, but it seems like rather than focusing on finding solutions to Payton’s challenges, maybe focusing on helping him to develop the skills to overcome those challenges himself would serve him better in the long run. I gather that you’re opposed to any kind of therapy that might result in “labeling” but isn’t the benefit of identifying the problem the ability to implement coaching techniques that have worked with similar kids?
I’ll tell you what, No Child Left Behind is leaving every child behind. F’ers.
When I started homeschooling, it wasn’t supposed to be a permanent thing. I never would have had the chutzpah to do it if I didn’t think it was a temporary fix until I found ‘the right place’ for my daughter. I took her out at the end of 3rd grade and spent the last few months of the school year frantically trying to find a school for her.
In the meantime, I watched my daughter go from an uptight, stressed, withdrawn, sick, combative, rebellious, and anxious girl into how she used to be before she started public school…happy, engaged, curious, bubbly, and without any headaches/stomacheaches/eye twitches affecting her.
Her blossoming combined with the day she walked up to me, put her arms around me and said, “Thank you for believing in me” made me decide that for now, home IS the best place for her. Which isn’t even the right phrase, because we are rarely at home and always out doing something…hiking, biking, going to various museums, taking community classes, etc, etc.
I agree with the comment above that doing ‘school at home’ would put me into my grave (I tried it, briefly, and started looking around for some valium) but the beautiful thing about homeschooling is you and Peyton can be in charge of what your day looks like. I’ll tell you right now, looking back at what my daughter and I went through in public school, this homeschooling stuff is a cakewalk, and we’ve never been happier. So happy, in fact, that I took my son out of 1st grade to join us, and my 4 year old won’t ever go.
It’s a huge leap of faith, for sure, but one I’ve never regretted!
Here’s a link to my experiences with our homeschooling journey:
http://childplay.wordpress.com/unschooling/
HTH!
Tiffani
Anonymous 2:09: Thank you for your input. I don’t believe the teacher is being a tyrant either. I like Payton’s teacher a lot. The student:teacher here is 20:1, so it’s pretty good.
Also, are you assuming that finding the solution to his challenges and developing skills to overcome them aren’t synonymous? If you have specific suggestions of therapies, I’ll consider them.
I’ll also consider suggestions of adult therapies for the school’s upper administration who establishes the curriculum/testing because they are seriously in need of it.
12 is a crap ton of tests…but maybe they were pre-test type things to evaluate what skills the kids already have? Maybe not, I’m not sure, but you can bet your butt it probably has to do with The Educational Law of Garbage….erm, I mean No Child Leftbullshit Behind.
I’m the first to admit that I don’t want to homeschool my kid. If it came down to it, and I saw that it was the absolute best thing for him because of something happening at school, I would consider it. But barring that, I am happy to send my kid off to public school. I have evenings and weekends and summers to teach him the extra stuff I want him to learn, to enrich his public education. But I need that seperation.
As for 12 tests in one week… what the heck? Is there some reason they couldn’t have just made some of those worksheets they worked on instead of tests? That’s more than two tests a day. That seems absolutely insane to me.
There was a math “diagnostic checkpoint”. I don’t know if it qualifies as a test or not. It looked exactly the same as the chapter test, had a grade on it…that sounds like a test to me. But there were still the synonym tests, the reading benchmark test, two other reading tests, spelling, a science test and, crap, I can’t remember the others, but I counted them on his progress report.