I’m so sorry I left you hanging on Friday with the story of THE PHONE CALL. Right now, I wish I hadn’t posted on Friday because I myself am tired of the in-law story.

Le yawn.

But I hate to not follow through on something I started. It’s a pet peeve of mine, really, not following through on something I said I’d do, so I’ll try to write this in a way that doesn’t make you le yawn also. I’ll do us both a favor and shorten this to only the enlightened half of the conversation, leaving the sad part out for now.

And watch how I sneak religious talk in here. You know what they say about that and politics. Controversy and in-law angst all in one post!

While my conscience, aka Susan, uses the Paradoxical Commandments as a sort of compass while playing this human game, that’s not all my conscience is about.

Oh no! We could never ever live by one creed alone. That would be boring and dull and very dogmatic. We are the anti-Dogma (not to be confused with the anti-Christ.)

My conscience (or Susan) is a potpourri of wisdom. Not only do we pull from these Commandments (not to be confused with the Ten) and quantum physics, but we use pretty much any teaching that lends to the wisdom of humanity, and this can include The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

When faced with a sticky situation, Susan often advises me to seek first to understand, then be understood. Like the Paradoxical Commandments, I find this idea appealing, however, there are times (like these) when I must modify it.

Before I called my MIL, I made myself the strongest screwdriver in the history of the world. I knew this was a delicate phone call and I needed my wits but the nonchalant air one strong cocktail brings me.

Me: I’m confused. I don’t understand the problem with Parker’s birthday party.

Her: Problem? There’s no problem except the pond isn’t anywhere to hold a party. The bathroom there is awful, there’s no where to sit, it’s a complete mess out there, there’s no shelter, what if it rains? It’s an embarrassment, really.

Me: Really?

Her: I swear, I swear, I swear that’s all there is to that. It has nothing to do with anyone. I swear.

I’m paraphrasing, of course. Already, this post is too long for late November, the God-forsaken month known as NaBloPoMo. Who wants to read super long posts when your Google reader reaches out to choke you every single time you open it?

This quick into the phone call, I have two options:

A) I can give her the benefit of the doubt and believe that’s all there is to it.

Or?

B) I can look back at history and count the number of times she’s denied there was a problem when there really was one, and believe she’s a lying hag who hasn’t changed a bit.

If I choose A, I could feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. And isn’t that how good people feel on the inside, warm and fuzzy?

If I choose B, it fucks with all sorts of beliefs. This is where studying quantum physics mixed with spirituality gets fun because it makes you own your shit. You create your own reality and you know what that means? I’m creating this reality with my MIL for my human self.

Even Jesus talked quantum physics, but back then it was called Matthew 9:29 and not quantum physics. It is done unto you as you believe = create your own reality. Tada! Quantum physics straight from the Bible.

Honestly, I can’t understand the separation of science and religion? It’s right there in the book.

Choosing option B, I would fall back to the old idea that people can’t change. Do you know what that means? It means you and I can’t change either and we’re still the know-it-all asses we were in our early 20′s.

Now, I know I’ve changed over the years, so that puts a big fail whale in option B, unless we consider the unprovable but interesting quantum possibility of split universes and half dead cats in a box.

See, just like religion, quantum physics has many unanswered questions. And dear reader, I can hear your questions now…

Not all people are capable of change, right? You may have changed, but what if the in-laws haven’t? Or you may have both changed, but the change could be in different directions? Say, a direction to another semi-parallel universe?

Yes, dear reader, those are all valid questions. But I have a new question to add in the mix.

What if I’m the only one who has to change?

If nothing is real until it is observed, then me changing my observation will change the observed.

Wait. Was that all sorts of crazy that just farted out of my brain straight to the keyboard?

Oops, I’ve really fucked up now, letting you into the vast depths of my brain. Let’s back up so I can eat my words and then simplify them into something more sane-sounding.

What I’ve learned so far is that deep, deep down, I must wish to see less phone calls in the world. My MIL said they would call us back about Parker’s party, but we’ve yet to hear from them. There’s still time, I suppose, so I’ll keep holding my naive breath just a little longer.

P.S. I was completely sober the entire time I wrote this post.

P.P.S. That one sentence above is probably scarier than this entire post, isn’t it?

This entry was posted on Sunday, November 23rd, 2008 at 11:45 pm and is filed under Blood is thicker than water so good thing there's wine, I'm Deep Like a Marshmallow. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.