The Twilight invasion continues. This time with an alien conspiracy
Posted by Heather in UncategorizedYou know what? I may have lied in my previous post. Maybe I will read Twilight.
Amy from Milk Breath and Margaritas issued me a challenge. She thinks I can’t read the book and resist Edward’s charms.
Oh ho ho. This I don’t think I can let stand. If there is one way to guarantee I will do something, it’s to think I can’t do it. I’ll do it just to prove someone wrong.
And just so you know, my resistance to Twilight has nothing to do with the genre, except the paranormal genre. I enjoy juvenile fiction and why wouldn’t I since I’m juvenile myself.
I didn’t just cry, I bawled when I read Bridge to Terabithia. I was so impressed with the opening page of The Spiderwick Chronicles. I love how they wrote it. Both Inkheart and Septimus Heap were ok, but I have no desire to read the sequels to either.
I love Harry Potter with a disturbing intensity, and there may even be mention of vampires in the books. I can’t remember. But there are werewolves in Harry Potter and guess what? I DON’T HAVE THE HOTS FOR PROFESSOR LUPIN.
Like vampires, werewolves bite you and then you’re a werewolf too, and for the rest of your life, you turn into a raging, crazed animal every lunar cycle.
What a minute. That sounds a lot like PMS. Maybe I’m a werewolf and should write a book about it.
I didn’t think Cedric Diggory was hot either. Again, I thought he was too pretty to be hot and something about his eyes gave me the willies, and have you noticed? THAT’S WHO PLAYS EDWARD.
The more I hear people talk of this book, the more concerned I become. It seems everywhere I turn, people I respect are succumbing to Twilight. It’s like a scene from the movie Invasion and I no longer know who to trust! (Except Jennifer. I can still trust her, thank god.) I wonder if there is some virus implanted in the book so that when you open the first page, *BAM* you become infected with insanity.
This whole Twilight thing may be an alien plot to take over our planet.
I’m so overwhelmed by the number of people who love this book that I start to question whether I’m the crazy one. But Christy, bless her for informing me of the ins and outs of the book and we should really meet for Mexican and margaritas, confirmed that no, I am not the crazy one.
When she tells me how Bella’s blood has a special smell and Edward has a hard time resisting it (see comments), well, that right there puts the wrapping paper on the Twilight package of cuh-razy.
Since Bella’s blood has a special scent that really gets to Edward, does this mean he goes absolutely rabid when she is on the rag? Does he catch a whiff of her menstruating lady bits and foam at the mouth? A simple solution, I think, would be for Bella to use the Diva Cup and then Edward could get his fix with a special monthly shot glass, if you know what I mean.
I’m sorry. Did I cross a line and completely gross you out? I hope so because you all are grossing me out with this he’s so hot because he’s protecting the woman he loves from HIMSELF.
Eww.
This is what I find disturbing about the mania surrounding this love story. The guy has homicidal tendencies he has to restrain himself from and yet his restraint makes him hot? He wants to kill the girl he loves, but doesn’t and that’s hot.
Dear god, I can’t even contemplate the twistedness of female sexuality.
If I told you Wally had to restrain himself from beating the shit out of me, would you think he’s sexy? Or you would think he’s a complete and utter asshole? He could sparkle like a million diamonds and have chiseled cheeks too, but there’s no overcoming homicidal tendencies in my book of romance.
While I may cave for Twilight out of perverse curiosity of the mentally insane, there’s a long list of books ahead of it, like Jen Lancaster’s new book, or The Tales of Beedle the Bard, and I’ll even read Green Eggs and Ham to Parker for the 200th time, just to name a few. Shit, I may even cause myself to spontaneously combust by reading the Bible before I pick up Twilight.
But the absolute top of my list is Revolutionary Road. In fact, I’m having a very hard time waiting for Christmas to get the book and may go out and buy it all the while telling my kids they can’t have anything new because Christmas is only two weeks away.
(This is where it sucks to be a kid, but is oh-so-awesome to be a grown-up because you have the power to make decisions like that. I gotta have something to offset death and taxes or else being an adult would really suck.)
Revolutionary Road will soon be on the big screen too, and Kate Winslet is co-starring with Leonardo Dicaprio.
Leo is also one of those I find too pretty to be attractive,but I love Kate with a passion that should concern Wally. Or at least turn him on. Whereas Bette Midler would be a mother to me, Kate Winslet would be my sister. Did you read in Parade magazine that she rolls her own cigarettes? Like right in the interview! She doesn’t give a shit, she just lives and I love it.
I can’t wait to get my hands on Revolutionary Road since it’s about a good-looking couple who get sucked into the stale and barren life of the suburbs.
Oh, wha? That doesn’t sound familiar AT ALL.
I’m hoping the book will give me some kind of insight on how to escape the suburbs while still keeping your marriage together and your kids in the right school district. But now that I think about it, I’m not sure if it’s a good idea for a suburban wife on the edge to read this book.
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Sign me up for Revolutionary Road. I think I’ll skip Twilight with you. Now that school’s done, I get to rediscover the world of “leisure” reading.
Beckie: You and I should read the book, then have a special book club meeting where we say we’re going to discuss the book, but we’re really just meeting for Mexican and margaritas. Then we could go see the movie together.
I read Twilight and I had the same question about menstruation. And one of the TwilightManiacs told me that the author said that Edward only likes new blood, but he’s too much of a gentleman to say anything to Bella.
I found Edward completely resistable. But in general, I don’t love 120 year old virgins.
Marinka: Thank you! You are now added to my list of remaining sane people on the earth. It’s a short list. You should feel honored.
You can resist. I found the entire series to be a bit trite and the characters were so superficial that I just couldn’t develop the love. I have faith that you could, too!
I gotta say I agree with Marinka – there’s something wrong with a guy who lives that long and doesn’t get it on!!
I am living proof that you can read Twilight and resist Edward’s charms. Maybe my resistance was hard because I was so annoyed by Bella.
Either way, it took me forever to get through the book because I bitched through the entire thing, and then I declared “No way!” on the others. You can do it, too, if you must (but I suggest you just settle in with anything but that book!)
sigh. it’s your loss.
but i’ll still love you. FADKOG and i are totally still lovers even though she doesn’t want to do dirty, dirty things to Edward Cullen.
Sounds like a plan to me!
Well, I never said I wasn’t insane before. LOL. And it has nothing to do with Twilight.
You officially grossed me out.
Bella is annoying. And Pattinson isn’t Edward. Movie people screw this stuff up you know.
The books are not well written, like say Harry Potter, but somehow the story is captivating.
I wouldn’t argue with the alien theory. But if aliens were a bunch of Edward Cullen’s…
I admit it. I love Harry Potter more than I should admit. BUT… I have no interest in reading Twilight. I also, once upon a time (prior to book 3) had no interest in Harry Potter. I doubt I’ll crack on this one. Vampires do weird me out (once upon a time, when I was in college, I had a roommate who wanted to be a vampire so much she got specially molded fangs…. no joke)
I heard there is huge sexual tension and no sex. For puritanical reasons. No, thank you.
That movie looks so good! I keep hearing about it, but that is the first time I have seen a trailer.
Also, I am with you on the Twilight craze. Don’t get it. Don’t want to try to get it. Nothing about Edward sounds sexy. Nothing about the book sounds sexy. I will continue to pass and mock my friends who are obsessed.
Noooo! Don’t do it! I agree on the scary brainwashed masses! And my MIL who’s totally into the whole paranormal romance genre says the series blows.
Unless I get invited to your Mexican and Margarita party you must stay strong….
Wow – that must take a record for the number of links. I am impressed with your internetedness.
Heh, I’m not reading it either.
I finished Dead Until Dark (I thought it was awesome and the vampire in it totally doesn’t want to kill the woman he loves) and picked up Coraline by Neil Gaimon. It’s YA so I’ll let you know how it is when I finish.
I didn’t get what all the fuss was about either.. but I have a friend who likes teeny bopper romance to an extent and vampire stories so I gave it to her for he birthday. She said it was a good story so I read it too.
I’m with Amy… Edward’s character is way sexier in the book than what I’ve heard of the movie. I’ve heard the movie sucked and was more like a bunch of scenes from the book but didn’t really tell the story very well.
Edward does not have homicidal tendancies.. he’s a “vegetarian” and his family only hunts animals and kills them.. they do not get changed to be big bad bear-like vampires.
I will also agree that it would have been better for the sex to have come much sooner in the story… but it is a teen story afterall
helltygr: We’re talking about reading Revolutionary Road, not Twilight, and then meeting for Mexican and margaritas. Did I scare you there for a minute?
I didn’t get what all the fuss was about either.. but I have a friend who likes teeny bopper romance to an extent and vampire stories so I gave it to her for he birthday. She said it was a good story so I read it too.
I’m with Amy… Edward’s character is way sexier in the book than what I’ve heard of the movie. I’ve heard the movie sucked and was more like a bunch of scenes from the book but didn’t really tell the story very well.
Edward does not have homicidal tendancies.. he’s a “vegetarian” and his family only hunts animals and kills them.. they do not get changed to be big bad bear-like vampires.
I will also agree that it would have been better for the sex to have come much sooner in the story… but it is a teen story afterall
Wally likes to abuse dogs and cats instead of me. Sometimes they die.
Is that hot?
Don’t bother with Twilight. It’s not worth it. The movie was cute, but that’s because I took my 12 year old daughter to the premier and the theatre was PACKED, and we pretty much knew everyone there, so it was an EVENT. But the book? Blech. Couldn’t bring myself to even finish the first one. Made me want to vomit.
Now Revolutionary Road? Thanks for the tip…I’ll have to check that out. The movie, not the book. I’ve been anti-book lately. Well, not exactly anti, just not really reading them.
Heather, you totally hit on something great when you mentioned “club”. Clearly, we need a club for all of us undercover Twilight H8TRS. You can be Queen, of course. May I sit on your right? I totally promise to make sure the pitcher keeps getting passed your way.
Dory
if you manage to make it through the twilight trilogy (doesn’t sound likely, but whatever), be prepared to be TICKED OFF at book 4, where the author very conveniently breaks every rule she created for her creatures in the first 3.
grrrrrrrrrrrr.
janet, that right there justifies my never even getting started.
I wish I could come to the Mex and Marg. party, as I’m here in the UK, desperate for mexican food. Also dreading the Twilight invasion here. When fads hit here, they hit much, much harder and deeper than in the U.S. Dallas is still culturally current enough for commercials to reference it. Sex and the City even more than more so. If the Twighlight chat in the US Mama blogs is anything to go by, I’m in for a tough time when it gets here.
Need to get home, relly.
I’m coming to the Mexican and margarita party dressed AS Bella
Christy: That’s fine. I will kick your Bella ass with my sweaty pits!
I have Revolutinary Road on my list…one of the tops of the want list too. This movie I will see. It just looks wonderful.
Oh, werewolves in the Twilight books too…just so you know. lol
For the love of all that is holy, do not waste your time. I know your likes and I’m CERTAIN that you wouldn’t like this poorly written book. BEWARE.
I’m also having the “grown up” dilemma of “Do I go ahead and buy myself Secret Scripture and the new Toni Morrison book or do I wait til after Christmas?” I know I will give in, but I’m trying to hold out…
The dude who plays Edward always gave me the heebie-jeebies, too. They should have totally picked Johnny Depp. Oh, noes, am I dating myself?
Okay, I got as far as the menstrual blood thing and I had to stop reading because now I’m all freaked out that vampires and werewolves are sniffing around my house when I’m on my period, looking for me. As if cramps and leakage just weren’t enough, now I’ve got to worry about sexy vampires and possibly wereworlf professors hunting me and my mentrual blood.
(Of course, this all assumes that my menstrual blood smells as good as Bella’s, but I’m pretty sure it does. Why wouldn’t it? I’m a very attractive menstruator.)
“The books are not well written, like say Harry Potter, but somehow the story is captivating.”
Thank you Amy, you summed it up perfectly!
I read the book last week, and am listening to the second book right now on audiobook.
It wasn’t fabulous, but with a 5 hour layover in Houston, it killed the time well enough. There is something engaging about the characters and story, just don’t expect to be bowled over by her writing.
I am, ahem, *acquiring* the movie as we speak, and I plan to watch it tonight or tomorrow. It doesn’t look very good, but I feel like after reading the book I have to see it.
Do you promise, PROMISE, to never read TWILIGHT? If you promise not to, will that make you do it?
I don’t want to go screwing with your mojo here, but I need someone I can claim “feels like I do” concerning the rabid, foaming at the mouth, worship of TWILIGHT. It scares me. NOT THE BOOK, but the fact that my friends go to sleep having sworn not to read that crap, and wake up with the words TWILIGHT in their vocabulary at an alarming rate.