Why yes, Kohls, I would LOVE to explain TAM-PONS to my 8-year-old
Posted by Heather in This Mom GigI love those Family Restrooms in stores. It’s like having your own private bathroom, only one you don’t have to clean! Except you still have to line the seat with toilet paper, so it’s not exactly like a private bathroom.
Really though, let’s not minimize the benefits of not seeing stranger’s ugly shoes two feet away from you. There is something slightly weird and uncomfortable about doing that kind of business right next to a complete and utter stranger.
That’s why these family restrooms are great – you can do things you can’t do in regular public bathrooms, like have explosive runs. Excluding Super Target’s family restroom, of course. No one craps in Target. NO ONE. It’s like a Target shopping faux pas. You just don’t do it, mostly because if you’re shopping at Target you probably eat Archer Farm’s purely natural and organic diet and should never have explosive runs. That kind of crap (har!) belongs at Wal-Mart.
What’s more awesome about these family restrooms is when you have an eight-year-old who thinks he’s independent enough to go to public restrooms BY HIMSELF, but you aren’t quite ready to send him into the men’s room because there could be nasty perverts (who all look like Waluigi) lurking at EVERY URINAL!
Huzza! There’s a family restroom to satisfy both the child’s independence and the mother’s paranoia.
Of course, 30 seconds after sending your 8-year-old alone into the family restroom at Kohls, the 6-year-old starts grabbing himself too.
(Really? Like you didn’t know 30 seconds ago?)
So, knock! knock!, Parker and I join Payton in the bathroom.
Business is taken care of and as Parker washes up his hands at the sink, Payton and I are standing beside the door, waiting.
Correction.
I stood right beside the door, waiting
Payton is to my left, reading the TAMPON AND CONDOM DISPENSING MACHINE.
IN THE FAMILY BATHROOM!
First off, I’d like to know who was the Einstein that put a tampon and condom dispensing machine in the FAMILY BATHROOM? Really, doesn’t that belong, I don’t know, in the regular bathrooms?
Second off, the conversation I was forced to have with my son…
“Mom, what are tam-pons?”
“Uh, what?”
(Awesome time-stalling tactic for any parent. Feel free to steal it.)
“What are TAM-PONS?” Payton said, as if increasing the volume of his voice would help me better understand the word, but actually made me want to shit little green grasshoppers instead.
“We’ll talk about that at home.”
(also another awesome time-stalling technique for any parent of a pushover child. Pity me for my eldest child is not a pushover. AT ALL.)
“But I want to know what a TAM-PON is.”
(dear god, can he say that word one more time? Tampon! Tampon! Tampon! I think my ears need another push before they finally decide to commit suicide.)
“I understand, but we’ll talk about it at home.”
“But I want to know RIGHT NOW,” Payton says, as if I’m withholding from him information vital to his very survival!
“Well, I’m not telling you right now. When we get home, we’ll talk about it.”
“But why? Why can’t you tell me what a TAM-PON is here?”
(welp, there go the ears, dying slow, painful, self-inflicted deaths.)
“Because it’s personal information, Payton.”
“Personal information? What’s that? I just want to know what a TAM-PON is, Mom.”
“It’s something for girls and what they use it for is personal information. It’s not something to discuss in a store, OKAY!”
(this is yet another time-stalling tactic, one which contains a secret hope that the child will forget ALL about his TAM-PON curiosity by the time you get home)
Yay for me! Payton forgot all about his TAM-PON obsession by the time we got home.
But if he hadn’t?
*shudder*
I want to be the cool mom, the one who is at ease talking about this kind of stuff to her kids. I want to teach my sons that periods are nothing to be ashamed of or gross.
And hello? You would think I’d easily fall into the role of that cool mom, wouldn’t you? I’m not only comfortable enough to use a Diva Cup, but I talk about it and my period in general repeatedly on the internet. (Seriously? Search “period” on my blog and see how many old posts come up.)
Yet when Payton kept saying TAM-PON over and over and over, I was uneasy and a bit embarrassed. What the hell is that about?
Maybe I will fall more easily into the cool Love-the-Menstrual-Cycle mom in a couple of years. Eight years old is just too young to me to explain the facts of life, right? Even to a child who candidly discusses marine animal mating as if it were the weather.
Payton approaches many things so intellectually and scientifically that sometimes I think, well, just give him a simplified and factual explanation, duh, Heather!
But then? Um, he’s eight. And just in second grade. He’s a LITTLE BOY.
Yet my best friend in second grade told me all about the birds and the bees.
So when is the right age to answer such questions?
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My kids all got together to ask. Safety in numbers?
“Mama, what are those diapers you use?”
I was mortified and could have died. Although, I wasn’t as mortified as the whole My Mommy Is Having a Baby book fiasco of 2008.
I’m of no help, really. LOL
I take it, since he didn’t ask, that he already knows what a CON-DOM is?
Payton is probably old/mature enough to handle a simplified version of the facts. The whole seed/egg thing probably makes sense to him on a biological level anyhow.
I say research some good books for his age and go for it. Let him learn on your dime instead of someone else’s. Easy for me to say, though, my kids are 6 and 3 and I still hide my TAM-PONs.
When my youngest was 8 I found him in his room with one of my tampons (unused)and had opened it and was playing with the string and cotton. I asked why and he didn’t know why and wanted to know what I use them for. I was speechless and just told him to throw it all away and leave them alone. I think he figured it later on his on because he refuses to take my bathroom garbage out (he’s 13 now). However, I think you handled it well and there is no set age for explaining “birds and bees”. As a mom, you’ll just know. If you always stay calm when these situtations arise, they will always feel okay about talking to you and you’ll know what to say and how to say it when the time comes.
I wonder why he wasn’t curious about condoms though? Maybe he’ll spring that one on Dad.
I think you’re supposed to say something “what do you think a tampon is?” and then give them a time out when they don’t know.
I have no answer for you, since my Dad is 57 yrs old and a paramedic and has to leave the room when any female in the family even hints to periods. It is entertaining, though. And let’s face it, periods are gross. As my husband says you should be afraid of anything that bleeds for 7 days and doesn’t die.
FTR, whenever my children ask me about tampons, pads or where babies come from I give them a cookie and tell them to mind their business.
You’re probably already too late. I’m sure he’s already getting drunk and sleeping around with the high school cheerleading team. They start young these days, didn’t you know that?
I don’t think periods are gross. I think society has made them out to be gross. They aren’t pleasant, but neither is semen and we don’t wrinkle our faces and go “eeewwww” when we talk about that.
Well maybe we do when we’re like 15.
As far as the tampon thing goes, if you explain menstruation in a biological way and then explain what a tampon is for, I think your son sounds advanced enough to get it. And hey, my mom actually got her period when she was 9 so she gave me the whole period explanation when I was 8, just in case and it didn’t scar or scare me or anything.
No, really, it didn’t. Much.
Well…my mother was the kind of woman who shooed away the notion that a child who asks a question needs an answer. Sex and body functions were an embarrassment to her. She didn’t like to use the real words (preferring “up there” and “down there”) and I think was still rather fuzzy on understanding how EVERYTHING functioned. So she just told us she’d tell us when we were old enough to understand, though how she knew WHEN that would be was still up for a jury to decide. I think she wanted to avoid telling us anything that might lead to more questions. Like when my youngest sister asked what a virgin was and mom told her it was “land that hadn’t been plowed for farming”.
But I digress.
I think–at home–you could have come up with an adequate answer, but in a public restroom you’re synapses weren’t firing correctly. As much as I love Target, I blame them.
I just had the “talk” with my soon-to-be step daughter a few months ago. She just turned 11, just started in the Jr. High building and while out walking the dog with her the other morning she said. “Can I ask you something?” I of course was like, “Sure…” thinking she wanted to borrow a Twilight book or to get some new Bonne Bell fruity smelly lip gloss. Uh…no. It turned into a full hour long doggie walk loaded full of period and “boy” questions. I’m glad she felt comfortable enough to ask me and she had some good questions but I was totally blindsided…there should be like rules of engagement for these discussions…
When is the right age?
When they ask. But don't OVER answer. You can get plenty across bit by bit as they think up questions. Respond to simple questions with simple answers like you did. Respond on a need to know basis. Since he reads pretty widely, when he needs to know from you, he'll ask. Respond with TMI and you he might clam up in shock.
His question was basic, your answer was adequate. If he'd needed anymore detail, he would've asked more questions. Being Payton, probably somewhere public that isn't a store, 'cause he'll remember that part, but not extend it to say, church. Love that boy.
Your mission between now and (when?) is to get the message out that certain sorts of questions are reserved for a private place & time. Could be home, though in our case, it was when driving in the car. For whatever reason, my girls & I did better on these subjects when it was hard to make eye contact! I tried to follow a plan of getting them to clarify what they knew so far, then answered their questions in the same way, not moving too much further ahead.
My youngest didn't ask nearly as much as her sister. Osmosis I guess, since she was usually in the car too. Though there were a couple times in 8th-9th grade she seemed to ask very specific questions whenever we were giving a certain girlfriend a ride home. She lived nowhere nearby, such rides were usually arranged in advance. Given what I knew of her home situation, I used to wonder if I was being used as a stand-in for parents who weren't teaching what she needed. My girls knew I'd grown up in a home like that.
At my daughter’s 7 year checkup, the doctor told me I should start talking to her about her body and periods and all that. Ack! She says that girls are starting earlier and earlier, so I should prepare her just in case.
I waited until she gave me the same lecture at the 8 year checkup before I talked to my daughter. Boy, THAT was a comfortable discussion.
They have tampon and condom machines in the family bathroom for the man who needs to grab a rocket for his wife and the woman who needs a rubber, duh.
Well, maybe it's different having girls, since they are in the bathroom, practically on the toilet with me from birth. But I have just told a little here and there. My oldest is 8 and while I don't think she completely understands a "period", she knows it is something she will have in a few years and that when she has it, she can have a baby. She was 4 1/2 and 6 when I had Mia and Stella and she asked lots of questions then about babies and how they get in your tummy and how they get out.
She wants to get married but doesn't want kids. She heard the lady in the l&d room next to me screaming "GET HER OUT! GET HER OUT!"
Ok I can see the Tampons in there but seriously, condoms in the Kohls bathroom? Who buys those at Kohls? Are they in the family bathroom to keep from making a family in there?
I loves my Diva cup too!
By the time my god-daughter was 8, she could have taught her own classes to the neighborhood kids on a woman's body and the reproductive cycle. The grown-ups in her life told her everything she wanted to know – but it's a trick to watch and see just how much they want to know & not give too much at once.
Personally, I think than when they ask, that's the time to tell the truth (but…uh… at home!). The trick is to make yourself start talking, and overcome your mind screaming *you*are*talking*about*dick*with
*your*baby*!!!!!*
It gets easier with practice.
Yea, time to tell them is when they ask.
ACK!!! My DS is going to be 8 in a few days. He has yet to ask about anything like that. In fact, FG and I marvel at the fact he has heard the word SEX a gazillion times (if the tv is on at any point, you hear the word!) and he’s never once asked what that means. He asks what every other word means that he doesn’t know but not that one or anything “adult” in manner. Weird. Freaky. But it’s fine with me so far!
Good luck with that Heather. I don’t know what to tell you. I guess you’ve gotten great advice on that Payton’s brain is mature enough to grasp it without too many horrid details.
At least he didn’t zero in on the condom.
At least you were in the family restroom and not all crammed into a stall in a regular restroom, which is when my kids usually decide to ask me loudly about menstruation.
The right time is when they ask, but answer only what they ask and not more. Do you remember that book from the 70s – How Babies Are Made? With paper cutout pictures. I don’t either, my parents NEVER told me ANYTHING – but I found out about it and left it lying around the house when Evan was around 9 or so. He read it, asked me a few questions. I know that’s not what Payton’s question was about, but – for future reference, I guess.
I can understand having tampons in there, but condoms? Seriously?
As for the tampons, I’d tell him what they are for, but I don’t think I’d go into much detail. Keep in mind he doesn’t know the shape or anything, so I wouldn’t tell him they are INSERTED (that just weirds me out).
Well, for starers, I would suggest calling it a special band aid for women ONLY. Then I would welcome you to steal my brilliant idea of stuffing your head in the oven to avoid both menstrual cycle and sex conversations.
You can just say ‘thanks’.
I think you got off easy, since he didn’t request information about condoms.
Anyway, we used tampon applicators to put on awesome finger puppet shows when I was a kid. Mom was mad. Oh, well.
Wow. I am glad I have a girl in a lot of ways.
My daughter has known what tampons are since she was quite young. One of the advantages of being the crunchy granola type of mother is you get to discuss all sorts of bodily functions honestly and in words they can understand.
She still thinks its all gross – but she won’t have the problems my mother had, who got ABSOLUTELY no information and therefore thought she was pregnant when she first got her period, as she knew there was some sort of link but her mother never ever discussed it with her.
My rule of thumb is to have “the talk” somewhere around 3rd grade. Much later than that, and they’re likely to get inaccurate information from friends. The book I used was “It’s So Amazing.” But, I’m also in the “answer the question when it’s asked but only that question” camp. I probably would have just said, “Tampons are something that girls and women use.” and hope that was enough. If it wasn’t, I’d have done what you did and postpone until at home.
My girls got a lot of information about pregnancy when I was pregnant with my son since they asked lots of questions then. They also asked me about my birth control pills, and I said, “They keep me from having another baby.” No further questions.
but seriously, you never know when you just might need a condom. I would be pissed if I could not buy my condoms in the family restroom. where would I buy my condoms? Do they sell them other places?
i’m not comfortable talking about this stuff either BUT i found out if i even begin to give them the truth, plain and simple, they tell me to shut up and they don’t want to know — about 2 seconds in. and my ten year old? he won’t even ask those kidn of questions anymore….
I would have probably just told him
“Let’s go take a look at that new rocket ship in aisle 7 and then I’ll tell you all about what a TAMP On is.”
Good luck with the explanation. I had a friend whose son got her’s out of her purse at a highschool ballgame and asked what kind of cigar it was!! She was mortified!
Yeah… I had no trouble at all talking to my stepdaughter about it, but either one of my boys? I just wanted to hide.
So, yeah… I just gave them very basic answers that were appropriate for their ages (my oldest is 13, my youngest is 4) and then told them if they had questions, they could always ask.
But it still gives me the heebie jeebies thinking about it.
Can I tell you that I loooove the header ‘phallic shaped shakers’ indeed!
I’m no help, sorry. But I almost lost my head when I walked into my bathroom to find a toilet full of super soaked exploded tampons in my toilet.
yup. that was special.
“So when is the right age to answer such questions?”
When they steal them from the box, hide them in piles in their closet, and pretend they’re dynamite when you’re not around.
“Duck! It’s gonna explode!!!”
*sigh*
Hilarious post, I am crying tears from the responses too.
Nothing to add really, my son is 8 and we had the discussion long ago, when he found my tampons and started playing with them. I just calmly said they were like special band-aids for ladies, who’s bodies are always getting ready to make babies. As soon as I said it had anything to do with babies, his eyes glazed over, he got bored and went to play with his cars.
Hmm, I suppose he’s old enough to know the answer if he’s old enough to ask the question. I don’t think the whole uterine-lining-unfertilized-egg thing is too hard for him to understand, and he may be ready for it.
Then again, I breastfeed in front of my five-year-old, so I may not be the best person to comment on this
When my kids asked I used to tell them to wait till we got home and ask their dad. I’m sure it was hugely appreciated.
Boy, I really wish the piggy women in California would adhere to the “no pooping in Target” rule! I used to work at Target as a kid and the women would blow schrapnel in there regularly. And by the smell of things, the trend hasn’t stopped. Target is the absolute WORST at cleaning their bathrooms. Dear God.
Okay first: who the hell needs condoms in the bathroom while shopping at Kohl’s? I mean I know you live in the deep south and all, but your town can’t be so small that Kohl’s doubles as a club at night. Right?!
Second: 4 yo cornered me in my own bathroom and wanted to know the purpose of tampons. So I told him. “Every month mommies bodies get ready to have a baby. When they don’t have one inside all the food that gets stored up for the baby has to get out. Mommy uses the tampons to make sure it doesn’t get all over her pants.”
His response? “oh” *walks away*
Next time I’ll have to tell you about the little chat we had when he found a certain marital aid.
And by the way, do you have any locks??
The best stall I have came up with for this is…..It is something mommy uses during her crabby time of the month and when you get old enough I will tell you all about it. I got a…….GROSS MOM! Hope that helps the next time. heh!
Kohl’s does not have condoms anywhere in any stores moron!