Remember how I mentioned I was going self-hosted and then there was nothing but the excitement of watching paint dry on the wall?

Well, it’s coming. There’s just been some *issues*. And the issues start with the Back End Master.

(By the way, the word ‘back end’? Totally hilarious.)

The Back End Master (also named Wally) insisted on purchasing the self-hosted blog right before the holiday advertising season started, which went completely against my advice.

“You won’t have time to work on it and we’ll pay for two months of this blog and can’t use it.”

But did the Back End Master listen? Oh no, he just up and did what he wanted anyway even though I spoke with the wisdom of experience.

It’s almost as if he thinks he is in control of my self-hosted blog and I am at his mercy, like I’m his concubine or something. And since I know nothing of CSS and HTML and I don’t want to know, um, I am.

But that’s ok! If there is one thing in our relationship we can pride ourselves on it’s our ability to cross-manipulate each other.

Wally may have CSS and HTML knowledge, but I have BOOBS!

Who will win this epic battle of mind vs. body?

Now that the advertising super-season has passed, Wally has been working on my new blog home. As the Back End Master, his work duties entail uploading a bazillion different themes and trying out a dozen different header designs with various color tweaks, tab positioning, resizing and all sorts of CSS googley glob.

As the Temperamental Author of the blog, my work duties entail being, well, temperamental, thus the bazillion different theme uploads, numerous header designs and lots of googely glob changes.

This upload/download, like it/don’t like it vortex of self-hosting hell has gone on for what seems forty days and forty nights – the required length of all epic battles worthy of note. (see also Noah and God)

Finally though, it seems as if we had found a WordPress theme I could live with. Finally! Wally breathed such a sigh of relief that some thought we had a microburst storm in our neighborhood.

But three minutes after he finished installing my blog and adding more googley glob, I said, “I don’t think I need three columns after all.”

I immediately knew I had made a grave, grave error with the Back End Master. It was his look of constipation and strangulation that gave it away. He rolled his eyes and huffed so hard that it ruffled the low cut neckline of my cleavage-showing shirt.

I had to backpedal and quickly. I felt the breeze of his exasperated breath on my chest and knew what I had to do.

“Wait! Look at my titties!” I yelled, and leaned forward across the table.

A serene and happy look came over Wally’s face, as if he had just taken a hit of the best drug known to man. That is the power of cleavage with the right push-up bra.

Clearly CSS is no match in epic battles pitted against BOOBS.

Mind (0)
Body (1)

P.S. If anyone can tell me how to make WordPress upload more than 5000 comments, please tell me. As of now, it’s stopping comments at 2/28/08 and that means my newer posts show 0 comments.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 5th, 2009 at 3:34 am and is filed under Marital Bon Mot. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.