So this is what 150 lbs looks like. Or something close to that number.
Is it me? Or are you saying bull fucking shit too?
Are you thinking….But Heather, surely you have several 5 lb golden nuggets up your ass to weigh almost 150 pounds!
Oh, that I did.
(I see this picture and think I must have been borderline anorexic when I weighed 122 lbs if this is what I look like at almost 150. I’m not sure about the anorexia but I’m pretty sure I didn’t have boobs then.)
Or maybe I’m totally flattering myself and you’re saying….Oh yeah, that’s definitely 150 lbs, if not more. You are Queen of Shake Shake because of the Jiggly McJiggleFlab, not because of your love of martinis. In fact, you should stop drinking martinis because those drinks in your pretty new banners are causing your jiggly jugglegut.
(And that? Would be the point in which you are dead to me. DEAD! But not before you hit the refresh button several times and notice my rotating headers. Then you are DEAD to me.)
I don’t feel like I weigh almost 150 lbs, but according to our recent adoption of the Evil Seed of Satan, which is also known as Wii Fit, I damn sure do.
Of course, the Evil Seed of Satan loves to screw around with me. The first day, it said I weighed 138 pounds. (Oh yes, I loooove the wonderful, precious Angel of Fitness!) The next day, it said I weighed 148. And that’s when it went from the Angel of Fitness to the Agent of Darkness. But the next day? I weighed 145. And the Evil Seed is back and forth, telling me I’m this close to 145 and then telling me I am this close to 150.
And get this. Sometimes when I step on the Wii Fit board, it literally says, “Eww.”
No lie. What kind of Japanese translation shit is that?
I think this evil monster of Lucifer wants me to be anorexic again. Or morbidly obese. In fact, I’m beginning to suspect Wii Fit is a Japanese conspiracy to invade our country.
(Not that I have a semi-schizophrenic thing with conspiracy theories)
First off, the Japanese keep the supply of Wiis and Wii Fits low because they know we Americans lust over things they can’t have. For example, I cried tears of joy when we ACTUALLY FOUND A WII FIT FOR CHRISTMAS! And I almost wet my pants when I found a second one for Magnum PI, but he wet his instead he was SO DAMN HAPPY I FOUND ONE FOR HIM.
(But do you think he told me how pretty I looked that day? No. Probably because I weigh almost ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY FUCKING POUNDS!)
Once you actually acquire the Wii Fit, Japanese Plan A and Plan B kick in.
Plan A is that half of the country become anorexic because of the “Eww” when you step on the board, even if you are down five pounds. No matter your weight goals, you will always get an “Eww” and you will internalize this until you starve yourself and TADA! Half of the country doesn’t have the muscle mass to put up a fight against enemy invasion.
Plan B is that the other half of the country becomes morbidly obese because of the up five pounds, down five pounds. IN ONE DAMN DAY. After a while you figure, what the fuck’s the use and just give up. So now the other half of the country is morbidly obese and the Japanese won’t need tanks and firearms to round us up into camps. They’ll need cranes and forklifts to raise us from our bed before moving us into camps.
What did this blog start off about?
Oh. Me weighing 145 pounds. Or 149.98 lbs. Whichever.
Honestly, I think I may have a mental problem (shocker) because I don’t know at what weight I think I could call myself skinny and believe it. See these old pictures here?
I thought I was fat…
…because I didn’t have the figure of a 14 year old boy.
(but obviously I did have poor tastes in tankinis)
And this one? Fat again!
..my body doesn’t look like a 14 year old boy.
Look! Is that a *gasp* low-rise jeans induced fat roll? Oh my god, the fatness!
14-year-old boys don’t have low-rise jean induced fat rolls or muffin tops and neither should I.
I don’t know where I get this idea that adult women should have figures similar to that of 14-year old boys.
Except maybe Glamour magazine covers. And Desperate Housewives.
That might have something to do with it.
I know it’s just a number, but then, IT’S A NUMBER. I should judge myself on how I look and feel, not by the scale. But, hahahaha, what the fuck ever. Somewhere there’s a 14-year-old boy with my body. How do I know this? Cosmo magazine told me so.
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I’m the first? The first to comment on your fresh, clean new blog?!!!??
Can I get a cookie?
Or a Wii fit that’s Euro-patible?
OOoohhh… love your new place.
Was thinking about getting the wii and now am afraid. Cause you look great. Did you see the latest US weekly… all about moms loosing weight the day after they give birth. Ugh. They gave so many examples of such moms and what they did. Pisses me off. I had my baby 23 months ago.
I love, love the new site!!
(although I kinda liked the phallic shaker)
You look great. Throw away the damn scale.
I do the same thing with pictures of me. I think I look so fat and can’t stand to look at myself. Then I come across said picture months later and realize that I’m not fat, just an idiot. I only weigh 20lbs more than before I gave birth to 2 kids. I need to get over myself.
Oh, and Wii Fit. We got one for Christmas and I had the balance board facing the wrong way for my test. It said that my Wii Fit age was 54! I nearly shit until I figured it out. Did it again, the right way, and got 31.
You’re not fat. Try to forget the number. It’s why I don’t own a scale. I’ve 3 daughters and I’m sure they would obsess about it.
I was going to buy the wii fit but worried they’d think they were fat. Going by your reaction I was right. Guess I definitely won’t be getting that especially if it makes noise when you step on it.
Btw, love the new site, congrats! Never underestimate the power of cleavage. It’s the reason I own a “home depot” shirt. Amazing (and sad too) how fast you can get help when properly attired.
Love the new digs!
And that pic of you with the “muffin top”? Check out the guy walking in the background for a reality check.
You clearly look awesome. Tell Wii Fit to suck it.
Ashlie: I can add the phallic shaker header to the rotation. Yay!
I’m IN LOVE with this new look. It’s perfect, Heather!
As for this talk of weight and fat and whatever, I’m gonna just say that I wish I was 150lbs. I feel like I’m 150lbs, but I’m not. Does it work the same as ‘you’re only as old as you fee’? I sure fucking hope so.
Love the site!
I am doing the Wii Fit on the days I don’t go to the gym…which is like NEVER!
I used to look good…now, not so good.
Too many drinks…not enough cardio.
I think I’ll stick with drinking.
Oh Heather you look fantastic! I wish I was as ‘fat’ as you!!! I’m afraid of Wii fit now… thanks.
See, now I hear that Wii fit sound as an “OH!” as in “Oh my, how much you WEIGH today!” Fahking Wii fit. (Though it is FUNNY AS HELL to watch the Hubster hula hoop. I’ve been a good wife and NOT posted an photos of him on the ol’ blog cuz yesterday was his birthday. Now the gloves come off.)
Love the new digs!
I love the new layout! The bewbs really worked well =)
Eh on the weight. I’ve been dealing with that shit since the oldest was born. I’ve just given up.
You’re fucking gorgeous and a sexpot and if I didn’t love your blog so much, I’d totally give you the silent treatment. Love the new blog-look, too!
Sounds like that Wii is giving you an attitude.
Perhaps you’d like to see what 175 looks like. How about I send you a picture of that and every time you think you look fat, you take a look at me (who is actually fat).
I love the new site! Yay You and the Fast-Acting Magic Boobies!
Hmm . . . I *wanted* a Wii Fit before reading this. But if it’s going to say “ewwww” to my 150, too, I think I will pass. Can you actually bitch slap electronics effectively?
The new site – AND YOU – are beautiful!
Ok, there had better be a damn good explaination for the new site, because that’s just confusing to morons like me, and now I have to save the link and go through my “favorites” list and delete the old link, which is extremely confusing to me because, which one was the old link? Which one is the new link? They both have the same name and omg we’re all going to die. Thanks a lot, fattie.
Clearly, the problem is the Wii Fit. For your own health, happiness, and sanity, you need to get that thing out of your house.
Let me send you my address and I’ll take care of that for you.
Love the new site!
Yeah, I hit the 150 mark and I had to quit thinking about the number. I’m wearing the same size I did before so I’m not sure where it’s all at!
Love the new site! And you? Are absolutely gorgeous.
I got a new perspective on weight watching the most recent season of The Biggest Loser. Yes, watching Biggest Loser as I sat on the couch, stuffing my face. I don’t weigh myself, but I’m guessing I’m 150 – which to me, is oh-my-god how-much-bigger-am-I-gonna-get fatty thought-inducing. I was always tiny before kids – and relatively small before 40. BUT, when I watched Biggest Loser, the women who were weighing 170, 180 were *beautiful*, they looked SO good. And I realized it was because, 1) They were working out and 2) They dressed like they cared, with makeup, etc. Ohh… so you mean if get outta these pj’s and off the couch I might look a little better? Even I weigh 150? Go figure.
Diggin’ the rotating header. Wait, that sounds like a dildo feature.
Colleen: Sometimes mine says “oh!” too. But I consider that the good sound since mostly it says “eww”. Damn fucker.
Marinka: Please don’t give me the silent treatment. I would shrivel up and die.
Jennilea: If you have the will power to skip the Body Test, then you can just do the exercises. You don’t *have* to weigh yourself. But I’m a masochist and fall for it every time. But there is still the “eww” sound to deal with.
Cat: You’re welcome. And so smart too since you quickly discovered my switchover’s sole purpose is to drive people crazy. I need more company.
Oops. That’s me, not the Back End Master. I was playing with my own back end and forgot to log out.
Your new site is so awesome in it’s awesomeness
and I am totally feeling you on the Wii Fit. I just wrote about it yesterday and some other unfortunate things that have happened with the Wii. Plus my friend called me Wii-tarted in the comments. I love it!
well, I don’t know about the Back End Master, but I am impressed with every photo, and jealous of that guy. No matter what Wii says.
Well, this seals the deal for me: no Wii Fit in our house. Like, ever.
Site looks great! And I do the same thing looking back at old pics…thought I was SO huge then but would shoot off my left foot to be back there. *sigh*
I’m scared to try the Wii fit because I don’t want to watch it puff up my avatar to match my weight! And now the “Ewwww”? Why didn’t anyone mention the “Ewwww”???? I think you look amazing. But I get the whole “I look fat because I don’t have a body like a stick.” I say that to myself every time I look in the mirror. And I can’t bear to look at photos. And honestly? I wear a 6 or an 8. These days, more often an 8. But I can’t get past the voice in my head or my preception of what I look like in photos. Or the number on the scale.
You look fabulous, Queenie! And how bad am I that I started my ’09 diet on Monday, but don’t even DARE weigh myself yet. Yeah, it’s that bad…
Although I somewhat miss the phallic shaker
The new place is hot!
And you. I love you, but I think I hate you. You look hawt!
Look at that waist!
you’re too cute, I cannot wait until BlissDom!
You didn’t mention that you switched to the new site on the phone this morning!!!
It looks great, just like you.
I love your new digs! You look really hot, Heather! Screw the Wii Fit!
Just hang on – doing complicated maths – okay, not giving you the big number but it is WAAAY bigger than what your WII is whispering in your ear – EWW – you want me to come and kick it?
When I was 17 I was overweight at around what your WII is whispering and I did Jenny Craig – I got skinny, I went through a little emotional crap and what the heck, I gained it and a few more pounds.
When I was 20 I was pretty happy, new job, new town – and jaw surgery requiring me to liquidise all food and the weight plummetted again – then hello, welcome some more emotional crap and what the heck, I gained it all back again and another few more pounds.
When I was 22 I was pretty down – high stress lifestyle, high stress job, lovely little ulcer and nothing stayed in my stomach – goodbye weight! Eventually got therapy, got better, got weight back but happy. Hmmm…
When I was 30 I packed it on with baby – then had a relationship crumble and lost relationship and weight.
My life – but I have a very common link between weight and happiness – and I really prefer the latter. If it came in skinny size that would be good, but if it isn’t a possibility and I could only have one or the other – happiness wins hands down.
Love the rotating banner.
I thought I wanted a Wii Fit but I think I’d end up either anorexic or incarcerated with that kind of crap. Um, I’ll pass.
OK…I’m totally not going to get the Wii Fit now! I’m sticking with my Y – Fit…at least it doesn’t talk back to me!
And, damn, you look great in all of your photos!
i fucking hate you…in an “oh god i’m so jealous! i wish i weighed 150 pounds and looked like that!!” way
You’re freaking gorgeous!!!
Like you said…just a number. And one that suits you well.
You’ve officially solidified my resolve to NOT buy the Wii Fit. I don’t need any help getting to 150. My M&Ms and Peppermint Mochas will make sure I get there just fine without any Japanese douche bag commentary.
P.S. You look great in every one of those photos and I’m really just relieved to find some else who’s as white as I am.
I keep looking at the pictures, wondering where in the HELL you are seeing FAT!!!You look great. Thanks for the heads up on the Wii Fit, I think I will just go out and buy more peanut M&Ms. heh
I hover around 150 and am fine with it. For the record, you look much better than I do!
I’m about 157 now at 18 weeks preg.
However, I used to weigh 300 lbs, so I pretty much think anything I weigh looks awesome after that.
Hi. My name is Stacy from Apathy Lounge and I weigh 150 pounds. I am 5″8″. I think I am fat. No…strike that. I KNOW I’m fat. That said, I thought I was fat when I weighed 130 and played soccer four times a week. After three kids and a completed marathon, I weighed in at 138…yup…still thought I was fat.
Even though I really, really think I’m fat now? I realized I wasnt’ then. I walk or run every day…except for the days I’m at yoga or at the gym with my trainer. Sweet Jeebus! And yet I can’t shave a single damn pound from my frame. Do they make full body Spanx? Because even my toes look fat to me now.
What are you? Like 150 feet tall?
My Wii Fit tells me to ‘step off’! The nerve…
Oboy: passing judgment based strictly on how you look. No wonder I keep coming back here when we have absolutely nothing in common.
I’m going to say, we need to see the Back End Master’s favorite Back End before I weigh in with my opinion.
PS: does every house in America have doors like in your picture? Seems so.
Didnt you know? They will never say it but the weights and measurements have been changed right under our noses for the last 20 years……..just look at what a pound of ground beef is today or what a 150 lb woman looks like today………..I swear they base their changes on model sizes…….instead of real people. I was watching Silence of the Lambs last night and the characters in the movies kept commenting on how fat a size 14 was…………so something is up. LOL
Toodles
love your pretty new .com.
whatever…woman…you are HOT…no matter what the number says!!
Nope, definitely not getting a Wii Fit. Nope not gonna do it.
Love the new digs! AWESOME. Now if I could just remember to come around more often. And you’re even on my blogroll. Yeah, that should be a new years resolution…to actually visit the blogs on my blogroll because they are there for a reason. It’s like a bloggy pedestal. *lol*
And um, you’re smokin’ hot! 14 year old boys…not so much!
If *THAT* is what 150 pounds looks like, I want to be that!! You? Aside from slightly disturbed, are obnoxiously photogenic. So, do what you gotta, you look hot. And I assume your scale if fucked up.
Dude, I would KILL to be 150lbs. Hell, if 150 looks like that I’d even settle for 160.
I don’t know, your 150 looks pretty good to me. Damn tall chicks.
You must be tall. I go through the same thing. I can’t believe what I must have looked like when I weighed 120. I’m 170 now. And still pretty darn slender looking. I can’t believe there are 50 more lbs on my body! I must have been downright skeletal back in high school. After a while I forget about 120 and I’m now all excited about approaching 160! Woo hoo! I’m only a freaking 160 lbs!
Love your blog. – Christine