According to Charles Darwin, Wal-Mart shoppers will rule the world
Posted by Heather in Materialistic MeWal-Mart shoppers from Alabama will take over the world if parents don’t take action now. This post is your call to action.
You know those shopping cart seat covers for babies? I have no idea what they’re called because, like fashionable maternity clothes, we didn’t have those seat covers way back in 2000 when I was a new mother. At least not in Alabama.
God help me, I had to buy my maternity clothes at Sears of all places. Of course we didn’t have access to cute blue and green polka dot shopping cart covers if all I had was peter pan collar maternity shirts in HORIZONTAL stripes. (Horror!)
But now those covers are everywhere.
I take that back.
They are everywhere in Target. It must be a yuppie wannabe thing since, curiously, I don’t see them in Wal-Mart. Just Target. Or possibly Whole Foods or Trader Joes, but we don’t have any of those stores so how would I know. They seem like yuppie stores, so I’m going to generalize and say the covers are there too.
Anyway. Whenever I want to pretend I’m a yuppie, I head to Target and while there, I see almost every baby sitting in one. It makes me wonder…
Is this really in baby’s best interest? Germs can be beneficial. Helps build a strong immune system, yet here we are, protecting babies from shopping cart germs.
I didn’t have these overprotective coverings when my boys were babies, yet my children are rarely sick. I believe this is due not only to mine and Wally’s superior genes (because we do have them), but also due to no yuppie baby shopping cart covers.
Licking the shopping cart handle has made my boys strong.
Think about this, dear reader. Think Charles Darwin. If we overprotect our children from germs, they will grow up with inferior immune systems. Do you hear that, Target shopping yuppie wannabes?
If Darwin is correct, this means the type of people you see shopping in Wal-Mart will one day dominate the world.
We will be inundated with ugly flannel pj pants, and color coordinated fitted t-shirts will be replaced with faded XXL football t-shirts. Make-up will become a thing of the past, and the entire hair product industry will go under because who needs product when you don’t wash your hair for a week and wear it in a ponytail all the time.
Do you want to be responsible for that kind of world?
Burn your shopping cart cover now. For all our sakes.
Entries (RSS)
I don’t use them, never did. I’m all about the shopping cart lickers
LOL
I did read an article somewhere about how most parents never wash those things and they actually become much more infested with germs and dangerously nasty than the actual things they’re ‘covering’ . It was an interesting read.
you make me giggle.
i have the healthiest kid I know, and you would never catch me with Purell or shopping cart covers or other bit of ridiculousness.
i URGED people not to wash their hands to hold my son when he was a baby.
short of letting him lick homeless people, i do everything in my power to expose him to germs. the worst i’ve come across yet was a stuffy nose, and I accredit it to strengthening his immunity since the time he was born.
Considering how infrequently those covers are washed, I’m willing to bet they are just as germy as the carts. Germs find a way…
I never used those things and I shop at Target! lol
I did use a cushioned belt like thing with my babies while they were still learning to sit upright. It wrapped around their torso and then fastened in the back behind the seat. It kept them upright and minimized handlebar chewing (though it did not completely eliminate it!) It was most especially useful because at that time, the grocery store I shopped at had maybe two carts with fully functional seat belts.
hilarious. you have an interesting way of looking at things.
we don’t have one either. but *gak* licking the shopping cart??? here’s hoping she’ll be dainty.
here’s a question: why do people insist on washing their hands when touching a baby? especially a newborn?? think about it. a newborn is in the crook of your arm/elbow. your hands are nowhere near them. and they’re hands aren’t in their mouths yet…
then you put your yucky germy face in their face (breathing area) and sing/play/laugh/kiss!
we’re horrible parents. we never even thought to get people to wash up first; but then again, it just doesn’t make sense to me.
I used them with both kids, because it kept the snacks and sippy cups from falling down into the cart. You should have seen the evil eye I was given at Target when Sam dumped his Icee through the cart and onto the floor. Well, don’t sell damn Icees in Target, if you don’t want to clean up the mess. And here I thought I was nice for finding someone and telling them that we made a mess. (sorry, rant) Also, it keeps small thrillseekers from giving me a heartattack while I browse the sale section.
Anyway, it all balances out when your son likes to lick the public restroom wall and drain on the floor. I have no doubt that my children will rule the world seeing as they still try to eat stuff off of the floor and will lick just about anything and anyone. And nope, mine haven’t been sick either, but that is because I think I have super mamma’s milk and forced them to drink it. BMWHAHAHAHAHA!!!
This is the funniest thing I have read all day.
My 3-year-old was doing a lip plant on the counter at McDonald’s Friday night. If I’d read your post first I would have known to NOT tell her to stop it. Baby girl needs those germs!
But yeah…our kids need to build up their immune systems and we NEED to save the pristine shopping oasis…Tarjay!
i got one of those shopping cart covers when isabella was born. i used it, um, not once. seemed way too much of a hassle. people have been putting their children in bare shopping carts for years…the idea of dragging that thing with me annoyed the crap out of me. you can’t raise your kids in a bubble. they are going to get germy sometimes…
I have often thought the same thing!! I don’t have a child, but I thought we were supposed to, you know, build up their resistance? That’s why I always attack babies with the germiest hands possible (just kidding!!).
I think you may be onto something.
I wear my yuppie badge proud. My baby isn’t sitting up by herself yet and therefore hasn’t been put in the shopping cart, but when she is, I will gladly use a cover (and wash it regularly). I’ve seen too many studies on the grossness of the shopping cart. I don’t even like touching it myself. The most common bacteria found on shopping carts is E.Coli. Everyone picks up a cold here and there, but E.Coli? No thanks.
Then again, we yuppies tend to watch too much Dateline.
Have you SEEN Idiocracy? Wal-Mart (and Costco) goers WILL rule the world, and they will do it because they obey the Darwinian compulsion to breed in massive numbers. The Target/Trader Joe’s/Whole Foods “yuppies,” with our petty, selfish concerns about the future, will eventually die out, both because of our depressed immune systems and because we don’t feel compelled to have a 1:1 sex:pregnancy ratio. The dawn of the dumb is upon us….
So true about the germs. It has been said that using too much hand sanitizer is not a good thing. Kids needs to build their immune systems by coming into contact with the germs.
So go lick a shopping cart…eeyeewww…..
Coco
Well, I admit to using one faithfully with Carson. Of course, Carson has always been difficult and now I’m thinking it was b/c of grocery cart covers. DAMN.
I don’t believe in those covers and I didn’t wash my kids pacifer everytime it hit the floor.
PUH_LEEZE…people are nuts. Kids need a natural immunity…as important as the vaccinations they get…and these germs are free!
Ahhh I am so guilty!…I also shop at Target. Have you ever read The Best Parent Ever blog? It is a hilarious recap of all the things that the Best Parent Ever does.
They actually have a blog post dedicated to the shopping cart cover. http://bestparentever.com/2008/03/24/13-shopping-cart-covers-2/
Soo flippin’ funny
Well, up until a few weeks ago WalMart people did rule the world. I think they secretly still do. At least when I look at all the laws being passed (not pointing fingres at YOU California)
I had one of those. I think I got it at a baby shower. I used it maybe twice. After I said “screw trying to get the seatbelt through the material and cart” and my kid almost fell out the buggy, I decided against using it. It really was a pain. OK so maybe not THAT much of a pain but shit I was in a hurry to get the hell out of there. I don’t need no stinkin fancy blanket slowing me down.
I use one with my niece, but not because of any germaphobia. Hers has a bunch of little toys attached, and it’s much easier to get my shopping done when she’s playing contentedly with something that can’t fall in the floor
I figure she’ll get a good resistance built up with all the germs I bring home from teaching preschool.
shopping cart germs make me have anxiety! Blah! But good point.
My twins were a walking test. Mandy licked everything, Rory never did. Mandy never gets sick now, but Rory sometimes does. Then, if Mandy gets sick, she catches it from her sister, just to be cool. Exposing your kids to low numbers of germs WORKS.
Target is the elitist version of Wal-Mart. and you won’t catch me dead there, with or without a seat cover. Besides, we don’t have a Target in BFE. Least of all a Trader Joe’s.
Yeah, but the Wal-Mart shoppers will kill themselves off with the various diseases related to obesity.
Or at least I can hope.
And just so you know, I hate the rest of those big chain stores. A radio should not cost me less than the price of a god damn apple.
I was lucky to get out of the house some days with the baby, so no way I’d remember to bring in one of those seat covers and use it!
I work in a bookstore in the children’s department, and there’s the obligatory train set back there. When the pieces fall off, I don’t pick them up and replace them because I know that bad boy is teeming with the death germs! That set could use one of those random seat covers. Or a match. I’d be good with a match.
I stopped worrying about germs when I found my 6 month old daughter chewing on the sole of her father’s shoes.
They didn’t have those when my kids were small but I did notice that over the course of having kids, my concern for germs decreased.
When the first kid skinned her knee, I would cleanse it, put antiseptic on it and bandage it.
When the second kid skinned his knee, I would use a napkin to clean it off and slap a bandaid on it.
When the third skinned her knee, I told her to wipe the blood off with her sleeve and stop whining!
Number one is neurotic, number is gay, and number 3 could conquer the world. Interesting? I’ll say.
I totally agree with you about the germ thing. They DID have shopping cart covers when I had my boy in 2006, but I DIDN’T buy one. I also don’t obsessively wash his hands and if he puts dirt in his mouth, oh well. He doesn’t get sick any more than any other kid.
Shit I KNEW I was making a mistake when I bought one of those…I am sorry for causing the demise of the world.
I love you for saying what I think.
This means the entire population of human beings will die off. They’ll all be trampled to death on their way into the store.
I’m all about at least wiping off the handle of the shopping cart. My kid can get plenty of exposure to dirt and germs playing outside in our yard. I don’t want him exposed to fecal matter/e. coli left behind by nasty folks who don’t wash their hands!
Once when our little guy was in the crawling stage, my husband took him to the doctor for something. Our son was crawling on the floor in the individual patient room (if I had been there, you know I wouldn’t have let him crawl on it). When the doc came in, he said, “Yay! Boost that immune system!”
To quote my mom,
“…that’s how they learn; by licking the floor.”
[she was talking about my son....]
We got one as a gift when our first kid was born, 7 years ago. I attempted to use it once. Then gave it to Goodwill after I realized how STUPID they are. Seriously, if you think the cart is that gross you should leave the kid at home. I am so not a germaphobe and my kids are rarely if ever, sick. I smirk and think nasty thoughts when I see a mom putting a kid in one…especially when it’s raining or freezing and THAT’S what she’s spending her time and energy on at that moment!
I never used them either, although with my twins I did use a cushioned seat belt like Malia. It was more for holding them straight up. Sometimes, I’d use a baby wipe to wipe the handles and rail before placing the kids in them.
I’m here for a martini. Waitress??????
And then, I’m off to Wal-Mart.
They’re called Floppy Seats (well the two I have, are, anyhow) and if it weren’t for all the damned rust and the road grit that gets all over the carts here in Maine (especially in the winter time, when our roads are at their worst) I probably wouldn’t STILL be using them. But alas, it’s either that or worry about putting Gabz in a trolley and having her covered with calcium chloride and two months worth of boogers and goobers from all the other kids who sit in those things. Yuck.
I totally hear ya though…I have 18 year old twins and a 15 year old who turned out OK without a floppy seat. Or wait…maybe that’s what’s to blame for the unexplainable twitch my 15 year old has. And here we were, thinking it was Tourettes. I jest. I think.
Eh, I’m not worried. The hair product industry will just ask for a bailout.
This cracked me the hell up.