Can you predict the ending of this post?
Posted by Heather in Gifted Children, This Mom GigI know I haven’t written many stories about Payton lately. It’s not that things haven’t happened. Believe me, they have and I’ve been writing them down. Just not here.
Apparently literary agents and publishers are funny about something called new content. It sounds picky to me, but what do you do? You play along. So I’ve been writing, but not publishing here on my blog.
(by the way, if you think I’m writing this particular post as a procrastination tool to keep from finally putting all my writings together into some cohesive form like, I dunno, chapters, you’d be right.)
This kinda sucks because there have been some great stories to tell, but I can’t immediately publish it and have all of you be my cheerleaders, telling me to kick the school’s ass, overthrow the government, or encourage me to start a revolution against conventional society.
What also sucks is that something happened with Payton that completely rocked my foundation and I can’t even tell you yet! If I do, I’ll ruin the ending of my book.
Also? I hate it when people allude to secrety secret shit and drop attention-seeking hints on their blog and/or twitter. But I just did it, so here I am, hating myself and generally finding Heather to be annoying with her secrety attention-seeking shit. Feel free to join me in irritation.
(I apologize to you and myself.)
But I do have something I think I can share without harming my “book” (haha!) one way or another.
It’s about Payton’s grades in 2nd grade. They’ve not exactly been something to write blogs about, if you know what I mean. And while they aren’t BAD, they’re not what I expect a gifted child to make.
Case in point, Payton’s recent reading tests. Even though he could read a marine science encyclopedia if he wanted, his tests certainly don’t reflect that ability.
When I get his test folder, I go through it with a fine-tooth comb because I’m perplexed as to why a kid so smart is making mediocre grades.
(I still have stuck in my head that school grades are somehow a measure of true intelligence, even though I intellectually know better. Intellect has little power over feelings, though.)
I’m looking through his recent predictive reading tests and every time Payton answered the question “What do you think would happen next in the story?” he got a big, fat red X.
He’s getting these red X’s because, instead of telling the predictable (and boring) ending the author wants you to think will happen, Payton does something frowned up by the institution.
He thinks independently. He makes up fun and creative endings to the story. He tells how he would make it end instead of how everyone else would obviously end the story.
But anyway. The kid who can read and explain words like “bioluminescence” and “symbiotic relationships” is less than one perfect test grade shy of a C average in reading.
My logic and creative side sees why he barely has a B. He thinks outside the box, that’s why! I tells myself it’s okay. It’s fine. Who cares! It’s just elementary school and what the hell does predicting the end of a story have to do with being a successful adult??!!
But.
Did you know I have an anal-retentive, overachieving side? I do. And it’s the Psi Chi, Deans List, Phi Kappa Phi, magna cum laude graduate side of me that GOES FREAKING INSANE at mediocre grades and tells me a C is not acceptable.
Because busting my ass for four years through college to make exemplary grades has gotten me so far in life. Just think, if I didn’t make such outstanding grades, then my hemorrhoids may not have made it in Glamour.com.
Meanwhile, Wally, who made mediocre grades all through college, sometimes passing only because he knew he’d lose face with me if he actually failed a class, is the breadwinner and riding on the wings of success in his career.
Clearly my top grades paid off.
I’m trying to overcome my overachieving tendencies, though I’ll be honest – IT ISN’T EASY! It’s hard as a parent, separating the expectations you hold for yourself from what you hold for your child. I guess it’s part of that repetitive lesson that your child is not an extension of you, but their own person.
I really am trying hard to keep this in perspective and hush down my own and societal expectations of what gifted children should and shouldn’t do. After all, Albert Einstein wasn’t known for stellar grades either, and Thomas Edison had to be pulled out of school he was performing so poorly.
If there is one thing I’ve learned on this path of raising a quirky kid without a label, it’s that perspective is everything.
Only no one tells you restructuring your perspective is damn hard work.
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i’m not an over-achiever and even i have a hard time with this.
Only no one tells you restructuring your perspective is damn hard work.
Damn, you just hit the nail on the head. That must be the #1 most difficult thing about becoming a parent, especially a parent of a child that doesn’t fit society’s mold of “normal”. Hands down.
Looking forward to your book.
Wait a minute — YOU? Anal-retentive? Over-achieving?
You must never come to my house. Never never never.
It seems Payton has been blessed/cursed with his mommy’s gift of creativity!
The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.
-Albert Einstein
I JUST had this conversation literally 5 minutes ago with a mom friend in our school lobby. Her kid is through the roof on reading scores, WSIC IV, name the independent testing instrument, he’s acing it.
Except for the DRA. One of reading tests the used by the school.
And for the same reasons. The kid wants to go beyond the boring and somewhat obvious answer, to answers that involve higher levels of synthesis and comprehension.
Well…here’s what I told my daughter when we had this issue a few years ago.
Kid, I said. All your life, you’re going to be taking tests. And some of those test will be challenging and interesting and will accurately measure higher-level thinking skills. And some of those tests just want you to state very obvious things that can be answered by, oh, let’s say a newborn puppy. Or a shoe.
I’m sorry. That’s just the way it is. What you have to learn is to figure out just what the stupid tests are trying to get at. Don’t over think it. And just give them the answer they want. There is no integrity lost if you just want to give the pat answer even if you realize that it’s not the best answer….there are too many of these tests through life to make every one An Issue.
However. HOWEVER. If there is ever a test you take and you want to give ‘em hell and screw the stinking test, you’re going to give the well thought-out answers that rank higher on Bloom’s Taxonomy –
If you want to fight this battle and die on this hill, then I’ll back you up. If you want to give the best answer you can give – even if the test wants you to just answer “white” and not “the color of fresh cream on a winter morning” – and that means you can happily live with the C instead of the A, then by god, go for it.
She seemed to be okay with that distinction and that choice. After I explained it to her, you know, in 5 year old language.
But my best wishes on this. Giving any kid free rein – and free reign – is not for the week-kneed. I’ll offer you a shoulder as best I can.
“It’s hard as a parent, separating the expectations you hold for yourself from what you hold for your child.”
You said perhaps more of a mouthful than you realize with that. When they are older, pretty much grown, and have (at least temporarily) choosen a path that makes you squirm and feel all insane and have to say to yourself 12 times a day that NO you’re actually NOT able to make this child do or not do one damn thing anymore — BA URGH AHH PISS HELL!
You don’t want to be disappointed, because they aren’t doing anything bad, but still when you feel like they aren’t living up to their potential it is some crazy-making shit.
I totally respect what you’re saying and I think it’s good that Payton does have such wonderful creativity (here comes the however part…get ready for it), however, the predictive reading part is more about deductive reasoning and being able to follow the consequences of the action of the story. Most kids have the ability, at a certain point, to comprehend that action A and action B have occured, therefore, action C will likely be as follows. It could be that Payton is simply choosing not to do that or that he really has difficulty with that type of reasoning. Either way, reading is a multifaceted skill and vocabulary, sentence complexity, lexile levels and the ability to describe and create your own imagery and stories should ALL figure into his grade. If his marks are only based on that predictive aspect then you need to talk with the teacher. Actually, you need to talk with the school board about their English/reading curriculum.
Lord I wish I was stateside and could finish my teaching degree when I read your blog.
I think creativity and imagination is stifled in typical class room settings. Go for it. Let the kid fly high.
Coco
you’re so right. i’m not there yet with my 7mo old… but i often wonder how things will be. and what i’ll do in certain situations. will she be like me? or not? and how will i deal with that?
you have great perspective- and more importantly, great introspection.
something i lack greatly.
i think that would help this parenting gig.
great post.
First of all get the hell out of my head – for real. I was the same as you, I managed to get all the way from Kindergarten to Bachelors Degree with one stinkin B, my husband floated along, almost failed out of college and now I’m about to quit my job to stay home while me makes the money. I admit school was easy for me but my mom pushed pretty hard, to the point of questioning an A-. Sometimes I think it made me a better person because I strive for perfection and to always do well but then I wonder what did it really get me. I’m not sure where I was going with this other than to say I completely understand your dilemma. Wow wasn’t that a helpful little nugget…
Can you talk to Payton’s teacher about other ways he can be rewarded at school for creativity & thinking outside the box?
The challenge I saw with my brother and his friends is that it’s especially easy for gifted kids to make the link from “This school work is boring and stupid.” to “This school work is boring and stupid and so I’m not going to do it.” to “This school work is boring and stupid and so I’m not going to do it and instead I will ____________ (figure out how to fly to the moon– good — figure out how to blow stuff up — not good).”
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I think Lilacspecs has hit the nail on the head. Basically what the teachers need to make sure is that kids are understanding, at a basic level, what cause and effect is. Joe woke up. He put his left sock on, his right sock on, and his left shoe on. What do you think happens next?
Maybe you could explain to Payton that he should answer in two parts? What would happen in a boring universe and what would happen in his universe. Split the middle. Give the teachers what they need to see and give him his creative answer.
Raising a quirky kid is never easy, especially when you’re an anal-retentive overachiever. http://tinyurl.com/c4j6y2
If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.
–Henry David Thoreau
Grading is starting younger and younger. Soon they’ll be grading kindergartners on how well they stack blocks. Oh wait, they probably don’t let them play with blocks anymore…it takes away from intensive phonics.
Payton’s lucky to have you in his corner.
I’ve started a little group I like to call “Out of the Box Thinkers” for parents of kids who are gifted but not in any traditional way. The kids who are divergent, creative, and asynchronous. The kids who get all kinds of labels put on them, and very few are positive. I’d love to have more parents like yourself come join our party as we try to help each other cope, enjoy, and celebrate our kids while gathering helpful information about this kind of learner. Come check us out!
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ootbt/
Tiff
I think it’s great that he can think outside of the box! Can’t wait for the book!
I think it’s great that he can think outside of the box! Can’t wait for the book!
Does it help if I say that it’s not at all unusual to find that truly gifted kids often make grades that are lower than kids who are “almost” gifted on the IQ scale? The “almosts” tend to be teacher pleasers and more likely to play the game of school.
That said, I agree with Lilacspecs that there is a reason for developing predictive skills. It helps with overall reading comprehension. I wouldn’t agree with the way the school is testing it, though, especially with kids Payton’s age. It’s so much more important to build comprehension through real practice with text. Check out this website for some of the current research-based reading strategies.
http://www.busyteacherscafe.com/teacher_resources/literacy_pages/comprehension_strategies.htm
See – I wish I had your problem. My daughter does the creative answers, but the good news is her handwriting is so crap and her spelling atrocious, so they pat her on the head and think they have dumbed her down enough without marking her down for being outside the box.
She is no threat to society because they won’t be able to read her thesis.
I really wish you could hang out at an unschooling conference! Because even though unschooling apparently isn’t for you for whatever reason, being able to be around curious, amazing, interested and interesting teens who have NEVER gotten a single grade, can totally shift your thinking on the grade thing. *Let it go*. Don’t make him play the games. Honor who he IS, not who school would force him into a box to be.
Meet more unschoolers, particularly grown or late-teen unschoolers. It will change your perspective.
Wait a minute – what? Those aren’t your hemorrhoids in Glamour.com? Then who the heck do they belong to? Are we being misled everywhere?
I seriously think you should look into homeschooling your little genius. He would blossom without all the regulations and being lumped into a group of other kids….and think of all the life lessons he’d learn from his cool mom! JMO
A book? You’re writing a book? I’m so out of the loop!
I’m not really sure if high academic achievements mean anything, either. A lot of it depends on where you go to school. I mean, a person who graduates at the top of her class with a sociology degree from a state school may have achieved far less than a person who graduated with an engineering degree from a more respected university. I think employers recognize that as well.
Oooh! Oooh! Is this like a “choose your own adventure” post? I pick “C” – I open the door to the dark hallway to see what’s inside.
Didn’t know you had a publisher – sweet!
I feel so out of the loop too…a book?! Good for you!!
My mom is an over-achiever. She’s working on her bachelor’s degree right nowand studies like CRAZY. She has all A’s. My dad, a professor at a major university, who flunked out of college and got kicked out of another, always said that grades were just a letter. If you’re learning and getting by just fine, not to worry. It’s not like your report card is your ID, people aren’t going to be checking it for years to come!
I’d love to know how your son answered the questions. I bet that his answer showed higher thinking abilities than even his teachers’ have.
As I’m sure you are well-aware, these teachers are often intimidated by gifted children’s intellect. It is just so frustrating that children who don’t fit in the box are rarely served well by the school system. Your son sounds wonderfully fascinating! I look forward to reading more of your blog.
Hi Heather, I’ve been lurking around here a few days. I enjoy your blog. I have two daughters, 16 and 13, both “gifted”. I kind of hate the label… and they do give it out a lot in our school system (gifted is kind of like the new honor student) My daughters are very different… the 16 yr old is naturally organized and ambitious as all get out academically, is probably going to be valedictorian of her class. She’s always been the right shaped peg for our particular school system. My younger daughter is more “out there” and creative, and I don’t think she would care about grades at all if it weren’t for her sister. She is in the 7th grade and I just pulled her out of our local school to send her to a State Charter virtual school. It suits her in so many ways and we’re both incredibly happy about it. The curriculum is “Connections Academy” if you want to check it out, maybe they have one in your state or another virtual option. I don’t know about boys, but I will say that my friends with sons all seem to struggle with the mediocre grades thing, at least at some point along the way.
Unschooling…homeschooling….you would not have these issues…..you’d have a whole bunch of new issues, but they’d be fun, in a “I feel like every step I take, I’m falling off a cliff” kind of way…then you get your footing….