I interrupt my own life to bring you this unimportant mom blogger moment
Posted by Heather in All About MeSo I guess I could write something on this blog this week before my Precious goes to the doctor for its repeated crashing problems. My god, this is a Mac and I can’t even believe I have to admit to this filthy, PC-type problem. I mean, shit, what did I pay twice the money for if it’s going to act like a goddamn PC and crash every time I open iPhoto or the boys play on Nick Jr.?
I haven’t written as much lately because I’ve been busy being all TOP MOST INFLUENTIAL BLOGGER IN MY OWN LIFE. Like last night? I was busy being ever so important by sitting on my bed with a heating pad shoved down my pants. What better way to celebrate the very last T-ball game of the season than coming home to your period staring back at you from your underwear, which, of course, immediately signals the uterus to cramp, CRAMP LIKE HELL WHILE YOU STILL HAVE A FEW YEARS BEFORE MENOPAUSE SETS IN!
But please don’t let the above paragraph give you the wrong impression. This past weekend is a much better example of how I’m TOP INFLUENTIAL BLOGGER IN MY OWN LIFE. Why, I spent the weekend influencing my marriage by having the most wonderful bonding experience with Wally. And by bonding, I mean the way hot wax bonds to your bikini area and then the screeching and cursing that occurs when your husband rips the wax strips off of the tender areas you can’t properly reach.
Oh, and my FAVORITE part of this special moment was when Wally didn’t get a good grip on the wax strip and only halfway ripped it off. Twice. Then he laughed at me when I cried.
Twitter? Who has time for Twitter when there is bikini hair to annihilate?
Then there was the TOP MOST IMPORTANT INFLUENTIAL MOM IN MY OWN LIFE moment this past Friday. Being most important mom, I schedule play dates from time to time so I can alleviate the guilt of not wanting to play charades yet again. Play dates get me totally off the hook.
At this particular play date, the school friend told me several things about P.E. and what happens out there, all of which sent me into a fit of mama chimpanzee screeching, branch shaking and poop flinging.
I would tell you more about these crazed jungle actions of mine, but somehow the information doesn’t fit in a post about my husband helping me give myself a bikini wax. Okay, really, I have more important things to do in my own life, like shove the heating pad down my pants again because apparently 12 hours of cramps is not enough. Don’t worry, though, I’ll tell you soon. Right after my Precious returns from the computer proctologist and I’ve horded all the piles of poop in the jungle I can find. I think I’m going to need a stockpile.
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This, my freinds, is Keepin It Real. Copious thank yous to The Queen.
You know, why is that?? I find out MORE about what is actually going on in school when my son’s friends are over, or I’m driving them home from school. I almost slammed on the brakes once when I heard “geez, I can’t believe Stevie came to school with that pneumonia he caught in Mexico over spring break…” What the?????????????????? I pulled over, “who has pneumonia from mexico?????????”
Uh huh. My boys had Never mentioned a thing about that….
Can’t wait for the poop flinging and smearing episodes…monkeys do that too, you know, they not only fling but they smear. I saw it once, at the San Diego Zoo. Smear away, sister.
Wait a second. I’m new to your blog, so maybe I have this wrong. Is Wally your husband? You let your husband wax your girly bits? I wouldn’t let my husband near wax and particularly not in relation to my vajayjay. You are one brave woman!
I got the tenured gym teacher at my kids’ school removed. I can tell you how.
I would have voted, as a child, to have PE removed completely from school, but apparently it was necessary to keep our nation from an obesity epidemic. Whew… glad it worked so well!
LOVE what Jill said! I was thinking the same thing! For one, that man couldn’t rip that wax off in one swoop if I paid him. He’s too afraid to hurt me. Hell, I can’t even get him to give me a HARD massage on my shoulder blades. My six year old does that harder than he does!!!!!
Ah, cramps. Thank goodness I don’t have them that often. Just the total and utter bitchieness that can cause a man to murder his wife and be found not guilty for.
Okay, so after a year of paying over $100 a visit for a brazilain, my husband has agreed to wax me. (Which I am pretty sure is just because he’s cheap.) I haven’t been drunk enough to let him yet…so level with me. Do you hate him for it each time he rips? Cause I’m not so sure I wouldn’t take a swing with each strip…
Honestly, when women are all, “OH! I can’t imagine peeing or tooting in front of my boyfriend/husband/whatever! That takes away all the mystery!” I say, “Oh, the day will come, my friend, when you will contort your body in all manners of way so your boyfriend/husband/whatever can yank your pubic hair. Trust me on this. Mark this day down as the day a prophet came to you and shared with you these sage words.”
It should really be part of all marriage vows, really.
Wally doing the waxing bit? Oh – (thoughts deleted here)
Please tell Wally that I need to cancel my appointment with him. Nothing personal.
you never fail to make me both giggle and blush. I was just thinking I needed to address my “area”.
tell me that when you say that Wally was waxing your bits that you were speaking metaphorically. yes? yes?
[...] I interrupt my own life to bring you this unimportant mom blogger Posted by root 7 minutes ago (http://queenofshakeshake.com) Right after my precious returns from the computer proctologist and i 39 ve horded all the piles of poop in the jungle i can find ah cramps thank goodness i don 39 t have them that often vague comment policy i dare you to get all cocky on my ass powered by Discuss | Bury | News | I interrupt my own life to bring you this unimportant mom blogger [...]
Hi there! I discovered your blog on aol. I’m just in the process of implementing a blog and wondered how you found the Wordpress to install.Anyway, great site and ill def be visiting again! cya