You know I’ve written about Wally’s vasectomy that I didn’t want him to get because I thought I might want a third child so that I could drive myself completely insane since all the masturbation didn’t do the trick.
Well, I’m still not over it and occasionally lord it over Wally’s head, mostly so I can guilt him into letting me have something I want. This is especially effective when we happen to pass by the baby department in Target and I depressively sigh at the sight of baby girl clothes while my two boy children proudly yell things in the store like “I farted!” and then expertly adjust themselves at the age of SIX.
After that, just about anything I eye in Target gets tossed in the basket. (Don’t feel bad for Wally. In his mind, whatever goes in the buggy is still cheaper than another kid.)
And if you think I stop with the manipulation at Target, think again. I even manipulate Wally about a third child in my dreams. I can’t tell you how many surprise pregnancies I’ve sprung on Wally in my dreams. And when I say sprung on him, I mean I didn’t even know I was pregnant until I went into labor and TADA, we have a miracle baby six years after your vasectomy! Yes, she may strongly resemble Daniel Craig, but I swear she’s yours, even though you’ve been proven sterile!
Now that I’m 35, it’s like my biological clock is ticking with a ferocity that would make even nuclear physicists shake in their rubber lab boots. I don’t understand this since I thoroughly enjoy sleeping 8 hours straight and wiping only my own ass. God, the freedom from ass wiping duty alone is enough to curl my toes and make me want to ask for a cigarette.
Besides, my children are just now getting old enough that I can consistently employ them as slave labor, why would I want to have a child who can’t learn to load the dishwasher for several years? I guess it goes to show there’s no explaining insanity.
However, I’ve discovered a way to battle this hormonal insanity and I’m happy to say it doesn’t call for the use of pills or chasity belts.
We’ve decided to foster babies. Right now, twins…
Oh, the cuteness! The adorableness! The not paying for college, or even raising them after the age of 12 weeks! We get them during the absolute cutest stage ever and then pass them off to happy homes.
Baby Boy (in the back) goes to a home tomorrow. Baby Girl (front) will stay with us for another month before she can go to the rescue shelter, if we don’t find a home for her before then.
And Monday? I’m picking up a set of 5 week old babies from the shelter to raise for 7 weeks.
The only drawback is the increase litter box duty, which is sort of like wiping someone else’s ass, but thank god I have child slave labor for that.
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I CANT STAND CATS…but those little thingys are really cute.
Oh my those are cute! It’s almost enough to tempt me into getting another cat…. almost.
This sounds like a perfect solution to me! We got a prairie dog — sort of as a trial run baby. On the up-side, we can lock him in a cage when he misbehaves. On the down-side, don’t think he’ll ever outgrow the chewing stage (and don’t even get my started on the carpet eating).
How can you just give them away? We’d end up with a house filled with dozens of kitties.
I’m feeling you on the biological clock! I got my tubes done, so I can’t even guilt Hubs into stuff. *Sigh*
Those foster babies are adorable! I’d give that a shot, but like JoeInVegas, I’d just end up with a houseful of cats.
They are so adorable! They have Wally’s eyes. Uh-oh.
They are incredibly adorable. And you have a girl!
Ooooh! SO CUTE!
I just LOVE kitties! They are the coolest, funniest, cutest little things! Unless you have leather furniture, or curtains that hang low enough to jump and climb up, or plants they can dig apart!
ooohhh, how cute are they. what a perfect solution. I’m 37…and we’re having the third baby or dog discussion. Right now, the dog is winning.
They are SO cute! I want to SQUEEZE them!
Ha! Same situation…two boys at the age of 35. One is 5 and has just discovered the joys of farting. The other is 16 mo but seems determined to copy big bro to the letter…*sigh*…but what if its another boy!!!?? Oh the horror!!!!
A girl dog would probably be the best alternative. I can dress her up..cats are more picky about wardrobe!!
Well, if you makes you feel a tiny bit better, I’ve met plenty of adorable little girls who fart more than our cats do.
Those babies are the sweetest! Good for you for being a foster mommy!
I would be the cat lady if I fostered kittens.
Hey, will they let you trade your kids for puppies? I could totally handle some little puppies around here.
Oh my gosh they are so cute! I’m completely jealous, and stupid for marrying a man allergic to cats. Really stupid.
Those babies are freaking adorable! I’ve always wanted to foster, but I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to give them up in the end.
Ooooh! Cuddly!
Must set you straight about that baby girl. She might not be the one yelling potty words in Target but she would be the one expertly directing her brothers in in what to shout next. While wearing an angelic smile.
(Or have I just raised a manipulative monster? Oh. You mean … ?)
I’m tempted to sneak over to your house in the middle of the night and kittynap that pretty little thing!
When all else fails. Get kittens. It works everytime.
genius.
OMG—I have been having the same crazy hormonal feelings of having a 3rd child and hoping for that girl after two insane boys (which I love desperately). However, we have had no vasectomy so the torture is still possible. Perhaps though this foster parenting of tiny little cute adorable pets is a MUCH better option if I can just convince the non vasectomy ridden adult in our house that litter duty is better than diaper duty!!!
Oh. My. Word. The preciousness. I could faint.
My husband would never, ever let me foster kitties. He knows we’d have a houseful in less than 3 days.
I totally despise cats– they freak me out and I’m always afraid they know something I don’t. But those faces? Even I admit they’re pretty damn cute. How will you ever give them back??
I’m not really a cat person, so I don’t think this solution will work for my particular brand of crazy and clock ticking. But I just wanted to let you know that you aren’t the only one who goes all doe-eyed at the baby section and wants WANTS wants a third, despite all logical reasons to avoid said hassle.
Congrats on your new additions…even if it is only temporary. Kinda like baby sitting other peoples’ babies, you can enjoy them for a bit and then give them back. LOL!
As for a 3rd, I think I’m glad my clock stopped ticking at 2. However a shopping (guilt) trip would be fun.
I’ve been reading your blog for a little bit and thoroughly enjoy it! Hope you like the little treat I’ve left you on my blog.
If they invent a 3rd way for the baby to come out – count me in
I’ve tried the ‘natural’ (what’s natural about feeling like you’re pulling your top lip over head)
and C-section (OK ’til the drugs wear off)
I don’t like cats (unless they’re really well cooked)
And my husband hides his penis from me every time I bring up the idea of another baby
Adoption?
Yeah – Africa is starting to look pretty good
Love you work!
JT
x
YOUR work, not ‘you’ work
sorry mate
(the red wine’s kicking in early today)
Those kitties are CUTE! I feel your pain. I have 3 kids.. all boys
That love to say butt, fart and all that fun stuff. Usually while farting and/or touching their butts.
There is one bright side to NOT being pregnant… No inebriating while gestating…
I actually squealed when I saw those sweet baby blues looking out at me from your blog. SO CUTE!!! NOM NOM NOM NOM
Also, I really need to get a life.
I’ll bet you can get some sassy little getups for the little girl in the pet department at Target!!
And if you do … pictures, please!!
[...] I told you a couple of weeks ago that we were going to foster kittens for a local rescue shelter this summer? And how a few of you said you wouldn’t be able to [...]