It’s like a public speaking class, only with more labels
Posted by Heather in Quirky Kid Dossier, This Mom GigI suppose I should start these therapy posts by telling everyone how I found someone to do social skills work with Payton since my last post about getting this therapy was full of frustrated rage of not finding anyone.
If I had to remake the decision right now, we’ve had such a perfect weekend that I’m not even sure why I thought Payton needed social skills therapy. He’s fine. He’s so fine I don’t even know what not fine is!
Why am I doing this again?
Oh yeah, the bullies. That’s why.
Well, that’s not the only reason why. Another reason is that I’m hedging my bets on that beachside Caribbean cottage and I see this as an investment in his TV persona. It’s not like we live in NYC where I could sign him up for summer acting lessons with Kate Winslet’s children or anything. We live in Alabama where all things backwards are revered and worshiped at the Holy Shrine of Ignorance.
Payton loves to teach people about the ocean. I say love but that doesn’t begin to describe how much this is a part of who he is. He comes alive in a way that makes my heart erupt with pride yet drip with envy at the same time. Damn, I wish something would sing to my soul like that.
So hey, we might as well give Payton the people skills he’s going to need, right? Really, it’s more like a private public speaking class. Maybe it can be a BOGO therapy and I can learn some myself by listening in.
But how did I find someone in my city?
Before school got out for the summer, I called Jennifer to rant and rage about the injustice of finding NO ONE in this city who does social skills work and after she raged with me, she said, “You should ask the special ed teachers at school, or even the speech teachers. I bet they know someone who does that.”
Well, duh. This is why it pays to have smart friends and not waste your time on stupid ones.
I asked Parker’s speech teacher the next day and she said, “Yes, yes, I know all about it. I do it during the summer and you can also call this college for others. They’ll have an entire list of SLPs in the area and possibly someone will have a group session.”
Okay!
So I called. I talked to four different SLPs over the phone. After answering some of their questions about Payton, each one of them asked me, “Does he have Aspergers?”
Sigh
You know what? I don’t even know what that word means anymore.
I can look at the definition and characteristics and comprehend the word, but I no longer know what it means. Like it’s some kind of entity? The hell you say.
What does it mean – Aspergers?
What does it mean – normal?
What does it mean – gifted?
I don’t know anymore. Those words and their meaning have become something hollow, their purpose aimless.
He just is.
They stick you with those names, those labels — ‘rebel’ or whatever; whatever they like to use. Because they need a label; they need a name. They need something to put the price tag on the back of. -Johnny Depp
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I think it’s great that you found someone who can maybe offer some assistance for what you’re looking for! As for the Aspergers question, if I may offer a perspective:
I teach swimming lessons. Over the last 14 years, I’ve taught MANY children (in the range of 600-700 at best guess/estimation) some of them had special needs, many of them didn’t, some of them were just quirky. Some of them had misdiagnosed special needs. I’d say about a solid third of the kids had some sort of special need.
For someone who works with children, if they have a frame of reference to begin a strategy for a child they’ve never met, at least you have a starting point and possibly know if you’re even qualified to take this on. For example: If I knew that a child had sensory issues, I’d actually employ some of the tactics I’d developed with some of my kids who had Aspergers. Nothing works with every child, but it’s a place to start…
You know what I”ve learned in my old age? When someone asks me something, I ask VERY POLITELY-”why do you ask?” Is a diagnosis of some type required for the skills program?” Usually, they answer no, they were just asking. Saves a lot of time and explaining, if they really don’t need an answer…
Glad you found someone. Hope he likes the teacher too.
I have met a few people with aspbergers. Most people have never heard of it. I am certainly not an expert by any means. Those I knew or knew of that had it do not sound like your son.
Maybe he just doesn’t give a shit what other people think and they are a pain in his ass just being around them.
Come to think of it Sauce from Bloggedy Blog Blog’s daughter “Loopy” has it. She gets picked on by mean girls too.
All I can say is if I found out my child was bullying someone corporal punishment would come into play. I do NOT tolerate that.
I understand your not wanting to label Payton, but I’m also curious about your resistance to him possibly having Asperger’s. It may be helpful for you and Wally and Payton to have some tricks up your collective sleeve to deal with various situations. Even if he were diagnosed, I don’t think the dr. can tell the school. That’s up to you. My daughter has OCD and was on medication for it, but we didn’t notify the school and neither did the shrink. I do admire the way you advocate for your son.
I believe all parents need collective tricks up their sleeves. I don’t see why having a misdiagnosed label is needed to do that.