Sometimes I’m a fucking idiot.
I prepared myself for a bombardment of “Boarding plane now!” twitters I knew would start today as everyone got on their way to the BlogHer conference.
It was only yesterday I realized the conference isn’t until next week. I’m not joking, this epiphany came just 24 hours ago. All the ideas of how I would maturely handle the BlogHer party and swag envy? Total waste of time.
This also throws a real monkey wrench in my angst-y I Don’t Fucking NEED BlogHer plans.
Every year I plan exciting and enviable activities during the same weekend as BlogHer. I do this so I don’t feel as if I’m missing out on something. This year is no different, except, being a fucking idiot, I planned it for this weekend, not next. Since vacation time has been turned in, there’s no going back now.
So, onward Christian soldier, right? I continue on, bearing the burden of a not-going-to-BlogHer cross.
Since everyone loves to blog about what they are wearing to BlogHer, I figured why not me too? Given that I’ve missed 3 BlogHer conferences in a row, this qualifies me to throw my blogging weight around by writing a post on what you should wear while NOT at BlogHer.
Grab a pen and paper and take notes as I share with you what I’ll be wearing this weekend while I’m not at BlogHer. (and neither is anyone else)
Thursday, July 16th
SurfHer
Session title: Why it’s great to live this close to the beach. Until your homeowners insurance is due.
Friday, July 17th
BoatHer
Session title: After the 30-day Shred, can Heather actually row a canoe for two hours?
Saturday, July 18th
BrokeHer
Session title: How a $600+ car repair bill will keep you from New Orleans
Sunday, July 19th
PottHer
Session title: A pedophile no longer! Daniel Radcliffe is now of legal age.
I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to end this authoritative non-BlogHer fashion post by telling you that you don’t have to buy anything new nor should you feel any pressure to dress a certain way while not at BlogHer. But we all know that is total bullshit advice so I won’t say it.
I hope this has been a helpful and informative post. Now you can feel confident in what to wear while NOT at BlogHer. Feel free to share your wardrobe ideas in comments.
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I was freaking out: SHould I go even though I don’t have a ticket? It’s just a short drive up the road? But I have nothing to wear? Oh well I could throw something together! But I don’t have any money! Oh well I could figure it out somehow! But I don’t have anyone to watch the boys! Oh well, the dog is very loyal and the oldest can reach the Fruit Loops.
Yeah, I’m not going either…
I especially like the Broker outfit.
Awesome!
Thanks for the guidance. I will also NOT be at BlogHer and in fact while it actually is occuring I will be at the BEACH for the whole freaking week. So I’ll be wearing from your BoatHer and SurfHer apparel lines.
Enjoy not being at BlogHer even if its the wrong weekend.
You are so smart. LOL!
You are hilarious. Love it.
BrokeHer cracks me up but unfortunately hits a little TOO close to home.
Since BlogHer is the weekend of my birthday and there would be nothing cooler then spending the weekend getting drunk with a bunch of mom-bloggers, my family has decided to torture me with scheduling our family reunion that weekend. I will be sporting something similar to your PottHer line.
I love this idea and I LOVE the PottHer top!!! Where did you find it?
My Not-Going-To-BlogHer plans??
Thurs: Hysterectomy (for Stage 4 Endometriosis – I’m 38, not 50 BTW)
What I’ll be wearing: Flimsy, unfashionable hospital gown & no makeup
Fri: Hospital
Outfit: PJs and slippers
Sat: Hospital
Outfit: PJs and slippers
Sun: Home (hopefully)
Outfit: PJs (maybe clean ones) and slippers
Your weekend sounds much more enjoyable.
I won’t be at BlogHer, but am not concerned with it, because they will be removing a baby from my uterus that weekend. You should have thought of that.
Love this post, btw.
Do you mind if I steal the SurFer look for my trip to Chicago? It gets so hot in those conference rooms.
I feel so not alone being one of the NOT attendees as well plus the booze at home is way cheaper and I can make a reasonable facsimile of a Chicago deep dish pizza
I particularly admire that there isn’t a pair of capris anywhere in sight in your oh-so-fashionable suggestions.
You are too funny, I can’t even begin to comment.
Please please PLEASE, won’t you please, be my neighbor??
Ooh, Harry’s legal now? That means I can finally watch Equus and not feel like a perv.
must remember to not log onto twitter or my google reader next week at all..in fact might need to start sooner the blogher comments are flocking this way
This weekend and the next, while not at Blogher, I will most likely be wearing my ultra short jogging shorts, which must be the most comfortable thing I own. Even if wearing them does mean I cannot leave the house for reasons of decency, it is so so worth it.
As it happens, I TOO have plans THIS WEEKEND and none for next. So maybe I’ll get my wardrobe and my I’m NOT GOING TO BLOGHER post ready.
You know, coming late to this whole BlogHer thing bite the big freakin’ weenie. Gaaaawd!
This weekend, not at BlogHer (or at band camp), I will be wearing my jammies for a little thing I like to call SleepHer — which is when Mama recovers from teaching an intensive class for 6 days of 6 hours each with very little sleep in between because she was behind on the reading to begin with.
You are priceless! I, too, won’t be at BlogHer. I kind of figure I’d be ran out if I was, too, because at the moment, I’m wearing Crocs flipflops (all the comfort of Crocs without the stigma of Crocs). I’m thinking of going rogue that weekend.
You are so clever. Loved this.
Alas, I too will not be at Blogher next weekend. Instead, I will spend 14 hours sitting in a graduate class. Freezing inside and roasting if I venture out of the building, so likely I’ll be wearing jeans and a sweater or hoodie!
i’ll be at blogher. i’m refusing to wear to a little black dress, which people who are wearing them are affectionately calling…LBD. i also REFUSE to take pics of what i’m wearing. because i don’t really care all that much. i HAD to buy new pants…no matter what…because my tushie got bigger (damn quitting smoking!)
this weekend however, which isn’t for blogher, i will be wearing the new capris i bought.
have an awesome weekend! and a happy anniversary!!
btw…next year, if i decide i’m going to blogher again, i’m going to have a party called OverWhelmHER. no one has to even wear clothes to that. it’s going to be the anti-what everyone expects parties at blogher to be like. i know, i’m a genius
Fantastic! Drink some watered down booze and you’ve got the whole thing covered.
I’ll be attending PokeHer.
Wearing nothing.
For some reason, the description of this event is not in the literature. :::shrug:::
I love all your NOT ATTENDING posts. You and I are the same – we’ve missed it 3 years running now…
Maybe next year?
Fabulously funny. I’m going…but I’m wearing nothing of note. Nursing bras, maternity jeans. Not worth photographing.
I’d take a picture of me in my “Also Not Going To BlogHer” bathrobe, but I don’t want to make anyone seethe with jealousy. Because it’s silk.
NOT going, either. *sigh*
I’m attending BrokeHer instead as well. Thinking of boycotting Twitter until it is all over.
I’m going to be attending GilmoreHer. While all my friends are away, I’ll sit with a bottle (or ten) of wine and watch the entire season of The Gilmore Girls.
Or yanno, maybe the beach.
Hilarious girl.
My favorite is the BrokeHer; which I will be wearing to BlogHer b/c my fat ass will not enjoy a new outfit just because it grew. NO. I will punish it (and in turn, everyone else) by forcing it into the same shorts and tee it’s been dealing with all summer. Dammittohell.
But now I’m kinda wishing I wasn’t going simply because it feels overwhelming already.
I’m doing the lobby thing (ie. sitting in the bar) but now worrying about everything having seen all the “what to wear” panic that’s going on. I think I will do the old Hagher thing and wear a Mumu.