Welcome to the School of Hard Knocks, My Boy
Posted by Heather in Quirky Kid Dossier, This Mom GigI’m curious. Is there a way to take vodka intravenously? If so, sign me up for that shit. We’ll just bypass the stomach and send the alcohol straight into the blood stream. Or maybe I should do like others and stop being my own physician and go to a doctor for a Xanax prescription? That route is more socially accepted and we know life is nothing more than making sure we’re socially accepted.
Day 4 into school and I get The Call from Mr. Principal.
I hesitated to write about this development because I’ve begun to have overall reservations about blogging and the blogosphere as a whole. But who would I be to the other mothers like me if I didn’t talk about the difficult times too? And I don’t mean when the school is making things difficult for Payton and how I fight for him. I mean when Payton is making things difficult for himself and I want to strangle him.
Oh my god, what a little asshole.
I’m telling you, it was one of those days when I wished he wasn’t my child. Where I wanted to kick his ass to the curb and tell him not to come back. For the love of God, LET HIM BE SOMEONE ELSE’S PROBLEM FOR ONE FUCKING DAY. ONE DAY!
It would make for too long of a post if I were to list specifically what he did, but let’s just say he refused to do ANY of his work, he purposely disrupted the class to such an extent he got his ass sent to the office, and even Mr. Principal couldn’t get through to him so they had to call me.
And why did he do this? Oh, we could say he “has difficulty with transition” or “can’t adapt to change,” but you know what? That’s bullshit. Payton’s excuses for his behavior are total bullshit. I know it. I know it in the visceral way you know the truth without being told.
What’s going on here is a kid who is smarter than the adults and is a master manipulator. He’s fashioned us as his school marionette puppets and jerks our strings, having us dance to his tune.
That song and dance stops now. He doesn’t have this kind of trouble anywhere but at school. He doesn’t show his ass like that anywhere but school. He has no unusual problems adapting to change/transition anywhere but at school. He’s playing a game.
On the one hand, I feel sorry for Payton, a kid with such a beautiful passion for learning but hates school with an equal passion. It truly hurts my heart to see it.
On the other hand? Suck it up, you little asshole.
What I’m most pissed off about is that me, his teacher (who I absolutely adore this year) and Mr. Principal are jumping through hoops to make school better for him. We are doing things to include his interests, give him incentives and blah, blah, blah, all the things we can reasonably do. And Payton is doing everything he can to make it harder. He’s not even trying to meet us in the middle.
I don’t think so.
And let me say right now, I am in no frame of mind to discuss homeschooling him. With his superhuman ability to manipulate people and situations, no way. Payton in particular has to learn life and the world will not be tailor made to accommodate his tastes, preferences, and whims. And I’d like to get a goddamn job soon, have a career, my own retirement savings, and have extra money to do wild and crazy shit, like save for their college education.
We don’t learn from easy circumstances, we learn from the hardest ones. We don’t learn for ourselves when others pave the way for us, we learn our strength when no one bails us out. It’s time for Payton to learn some hard life lessons.
Welcome to the School of Hard Knocks, my boy.
Mama traded in her Cirque de Soleil position where she does amazing acrobatic acts just for you for a drill sergeant who takes no bullshit.
Get ready.
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Ok first of all, best first line of a post! Now with that out of the way… good for you. I’m somewhat new to your blog but I’ve been reading enough to be in awe of the depth of understanding and insight you have into your children’s behavior. It is of course important to know when to fight for your child but it’s even more important to realize when the problems aren’t all external. Good luck wearing the drill sergeant hat, I can’t wait to hear how it goes!
.-= Meredith´s last blog ..I am not entirely sure she’s mine =-.
If I were Payton, I’d be scared. You go girl!
.-= NGS´s last blog ..Things that keep me up at night =-.
You know what? That is probably exactly what he needs. Good for you to take a stand. He’s got to learn that no one is going to baby him and wipe his ass forever. I am certain that his future wife will thank you for becoming a drill sergeant now rather than in a few years. Good luck. Hope to hear about some positive results.
.-= Dianna´s last blog ..Passing it on =-.
I’ll be very interested to hear about how Payton responds to the new tactic.
.-= Lilacspecs´s last blog ..Haiku Buckaroo V =-.
Here Here Heather! Good job Mom! I feel the EXACT same way with my son too. We (his teachers, the school, Mom, Dad, Grandparents etc.) all do everything we can to make sure that we try to accomodate his issues. But yeah, he can be too damn smart and know exactly how to manipulate those accomdations! I have had to take the “suck it up” attitude too with many many things…. food, school work, noises, activities…. ugh. And when he’s freaking out on me I feel bad until he calms down and realizes that he can’t get away with it this time.
Good luck to you with Payton! I look forward to reading how this approach works. They all need to realize that the world isn’t going to bend over backwards just for them because they are smart. There’s still a lot of adaptation that needs to come from them as well.
.-= A Mom Anonymous´s last blog ..A married man’s education =-.
I don’t think you can take vodka through an IV, but you can take it … um … anally (http://www.astm.org/JOURNALS/FORENSIC/PAGES/JFS2004325.htm) but don’t do that cause you’ll probably die.
I like your blog too much to see you pass on and become the butt of Internet hilarity.
Yeah, you do a great post about throwing down as a parent and I make a butt joke. I’m such a bad commenter.
.-= jennydecki´s last blog ..On The Bright Side! (or…mangled FlyLady and Garden Peaches) =-.
Sending you a virtual high five!
There are lessons in this post for ALL of us to learn. In how we parent our kis – and in how we manage ourselves!
.-= Annie´s last blog ..Puncture Day! =-.
Heather you are wonderful. I am glad you recognize this in your son. Granted he is special in that he is so smart but to manipulate is not acceptable. I HATE it when people try to manipulate me. My ex did that and my daughter tried it. It just got her further from her goal.
No child or adult is perfect. Those that pretend that their children are perfect are either blind or kidding themselves or trying to hide something.
PS…I saw on a tv show where an actress soaked her tampons in vodka to get a buzz without having alcohol on her breath.
.-= Coco´s last blog ..NATURAL INSECTICIDES =-.
Excellent post! You should write when your angry more often! LOL
Way to go!!!!!
Actually, I think you can get alcohol in IV form…a pharmasist told me that IV alcohol is how they treat someone who has ingested anti-freeze.
I would not recomend you drink anti-freeze though!
Coco…vaginally is the new nasal passage when it comes to drugs too!
.-= Shelli´s last blog ..Responsibilities =-.
What’s worse, y’all? Excluding Monday, I’ve had to go up to that school every two hours so I haven’t been able to have even Irish cream in my coffee. Yesterday I had to wait for true happy hour, which is why I wanted it intravenously. Hold me.
Kids only manipulate when their needs aren’t being met. There’s NO need for manipulation when they’re being listened to. He’s telling you that school is killing who he is, and you’re not listening. He’s telling you to be his parent, and make meeting his needs your priority.
You are allowing the death of what makes Payton, Payton, by keeping him in school.
.-= Dharmamama´s last blog ..Namasté, Veruca Salt =-.
Dharmamama,
I was a kid once and that’s sooo not true. Kids also manipulate when their “wants” aren’t met.
Dharmamama: Can you know that’s really true, I’m allowing the death of what makes Payton, Payton? If you saw him at school today, after our powwow last night, you would know it’s not.
But let’s just say there is a need of his that isn’t being met. Payton also has to learn how to get his needs met without being a complete and utter asshole, which is what he was at school on Thursday. That’s not going to get you what you want or need. He’s got to learn that hard life lesson.
Dharmamama,
While I agree that each child is individual and has unique needs that should be met, I do not believe parents should be required to completely sacrifice their own individuality and identity in doing so. Sure, there are many sacrifices that need to be made for the sake of our children. But if we as parents are not living healthy, meaningful, purposeful lives ourselves, we cannot possibly be the best parents for our children. In that situation, nobody wins. In our educated and cultured society, there are many means available to achieve the same goal. There is no ONE correct way to do things, and what works for one child doesn’t always for another. Heather is right. Even if she were to homeschool–then once beyond that process–the world will not cater to him. Did you consider the possibility that sheltering him now will cause him to then abruptly learn this lesson when he becomes an adult, which might be even more devastating to him?
Heather: As the mother of a very intelligent, spirited, and challenging little girl…who on A COLD DAY IN HELL would never consider homeschooling my high strung princess for the sake of my own sanity and hers, I congratulate you on recognizing what is right for you and for your son. Way to go. You are a role model for parents of challenging children everwhere!
.-= Kim´s last blog ..water resistant =-.
I don’t comment often…but WOW. You are the queen, and I bow to you.
Let us know how it goes, because I am waiting…really want to know what happens.
.-= Kellyn´s last blog ..Little bit of this and that =-.
I’m gearing up to take the same approach with my 11 yr old son. He is smart beyond belief, but tries to play me like a fiddle to get what he wants. His attitude/disrespect is enough to make me want to take vodka intravenously (and I don’t really drink, that much). I’ll be reading with interest to see how the School of Hard Knocks approach works for you.
.-= Managed Chaos´s last blog ..I Wish* =-.
Kim: I’m with you, I’m all for meeting needs and I bend over backwards to understand Payton’s unique needs. But he will not be rewarded for atrocious behavior at school or anywhere. This is a self-discipline learning experience for him, he’s just learning it the hard way right now, which is perfect in its own way too. I went up there at P.E. today and he and I put up his tree conservation posters we made in all the school bathrooms (kids are wasting paper towels). He’d had a great day today and was his true self – happy, excited, and a joy to be around. That’s his true spirit.
Remember last Spring when I e-mailed you for your too-smart-pain-in-the-ass kid advice? Same thimg, only on a 4-year-old level. All I can say is get that IV and don’t forget that you’re the light-bearer.
.-= McMama´s last blog ..9 is my favorite color =-.
Go for the Xanax. Because days like this are when being a mom just blows. Those traits you were so proud of are now coming back to bite you in the ass. And a padded cell is beginning to sound like a damn vacation.
Why on earth do kids (especially the “smart” ones) insist on testing every adult around them, and pushing every limit they can find???
.-= Kay´s last blog ..I Ain’t As Good As I Once Was… Six Word Saturday =-.
Hard, shitty days make for fantastic posts. I can’t offer advice, but I can bow to your writing.
.-= Marinka´s last blog ..I am Feeling Better =-.
I’ve learned to make some new killer cocktails (the semi-homemade lady really knows booze), some will be here in the fridge if you ever need more.
.-= joeinvegas´s last blog ..Harry Potter 6 review =-.
Oh, Heather, if you were here, I’d put my arms around you and we could cry together. The details of what happened don’t matter..I have been in your shoes and feel the feeling you’re talking about deep down in my gut.
I know what those phone calls feel like, what driving down the road to school feels like, how your heart thumping in your chest while you walk to the principal’s office feels like, and what it feels like to have your boy run to you as soon as he spots your face walking into the office. I know.
He is yours, and you love him fiercely and unconditionally, but sometimes you just have to rant and rave and clear the air, then hang your head in shame for feeling those feelings. But sometimes you just feel like you don’t know what to do next, or what is right, or what the answer is. But there should be no shame, because no one can know how you feel or how this feels. No one. You have to live it, to feel what this is like. What happens to your stomach when you look at caller ID when the phone rings, and you see the school’s name printed above the number calling you.
You still kick butt, even when you see all flaws and human imperfections, and what is only natural: you reach your end of the rope, your cup of shit runneth over, let it spill over: we are all here to listen, know, and understand. Give us the overflow, and we’ll feed you right back.
Thank you for your honesty, it would be such a cold, lonely, isolating world out there, without someone who knows the feeling of a day in the life in this land.
Love you, so so dearly. Payton couldn’t happen to any other person on this planet, but you. Lucky, lucky boy. Believe that.
I feel for you. My daughter is the perfect student at school. At home, she’s a rude, disruptive ass. Everything we do ruins her life, blah, blah blah. Every rule we set, she rebels against. Everything we ask, she fights.
I love her to death, but she is slowly killing me with her disdain, her attitude. It’s rubbed off on her 3 younger siblings.
Challenging kids are just that~challenging. They’re bright, funny, loving, but challenging because they want what they want, when they want it and cannot realize that the world doesn’t work that way.
I’m here for you too!
.-= Kristin´s last blog ..No, no, not the knife! Oh, not yet? Ok. =-.
I’m hooking up your vodka IV right now.
.-= the mama bird diaries´s last blog ..how to scare a city girl =-.
Big hugs coming your way. And margarita mix and tequila. And a high 5. And some vodka.
.-= Miss Kia´s last blog ..Traffic in a small town =-.
I have to say, taking in alcohol through your butt or vagina? That’s a level of desperation I hope to never reach. If I do, that’s my last act before I actually hand over my evidence file for The Betty and begin my stay there. lol
You are the Queen indeed. *I* need a drink after reading that!!
.-= Scary Mommy´s last blog ..Time flies when you’re having fun =-.
Good for you!
And you should totally get the xanax. Then share with me.
.-= Karly´s last blog ..Back To School Blues. That’s The Lamest Title I’ve Ever Used. Forgive Me. =-.
I completely understand where you are coming from. Good for you. Can’t wait to see where it goes.
.-= Rachel´s last blog ..Its a two Prozac kind of day round these parts =-.
Heather,
this is a hard transition for the parent! No matter what kind of special needs a kid may have, eventually they have to learn that nobody, not always mama even, feels the need to give it to them, esp not rightthisminute!
In other words, yes, he does have to learn that sometimes he has to suck it up and realize that this moment is not his moment to be pleased and content, it is someone else’s moment. That he needs to shut up, sit down and do what’s been asked, no matter how silly he thinks it is. He will have other moments to be happy, at which time someone else will have to wait.
Or at least he must learn to act as if he understands that, and put on a good show of patience, which is all most of us ever learn.
Good luck.
The fact that he had such a great day today proves that you know what is best for your kid and what he needs in different situations.
Peace.
.-= mythoughtsonthat´s last blog ..A Day For New Shoes =-.
I had an awesome comment. But then I hit the ‘vodka soaked tampon’ comment and can’t remember my own birthday, let alone what I was going to say…
.-= Amo´s last blog ..The things you miss by not tagging along. =-.
Good for you… you’d so not be doing Payton any favors to constantly bend to his “will”. I remember my parents telling me many times over the years that life isn’t fair, deal with it. It’s definitely made me a better person now. I think one of the hardest parts of being a parent is walking that fine line between protecting/nurturing your child and teaching them that the “real” world doesn’t revolve around them. When we were kids, my brother was a master manipulator, and my mom let him get away with it too much – he’s 29 now and just starting to get his act together. Good luck with Payton!
I love this post. I love the honesty, and the reality that our children CAN and DO manipulate any situation to suit them. This year mine is entering HS and the attendance is way stricter than before. So we had to have that meeting, the one where I tell him he had better be dying before the school calls me. No more missing days. He was not pleased.
I’m doomed I tell you. DOOOOMED!!!!
Hold me.
xoxo
.-= Shash´s last blog ..Because teenage angst is not only reserved for teenagers =-.
Late in commenting but I think you are right on here. Kids need to know the world doesn’t revolve around them, maybe your son more than most given his intelligence? Rules, limits, manners, respect, awareness of other orbiting planets in the kid universe. All good things. I am an anarchist and even I know the difference between questioning authority and disrespecting authority. You are the boss of him, genius or not.
.-= juliet´s last blog ..The Devil We Know =-.
I’m right there with you. It’s our first week of school and I already have been called to a meeting at the school for this Friday.
She is just being a turd and thinks the world is her oyster.
She’s about to get a crash course in “OH, HELL IT’S NOT!!”
.-= Dejoni´s last blog ..Ponderings of a Mad Woman =-.