It’s important you know the state of the union:
The Island of Shake Shake is at DEFCON 1.
This means war within the nuclear family is imminent and/or ongoing and vodka has been upgraded to bourbon, straight up.
Every person who lives on the Island of Shake Shake and lacks two X chromosomes is in a deep pile of shit. Even Parker, the malleable, agreeable, blue-eyed boy, is in trouble because of his school conduct report yesterday. (It was minor, however, CONSISTENCY!)
Wally, I can’t really get him in trouble. Gesh, we’re adults, after all. However, I will think of some way to convey the message I am beyond pissed at him too. As soon as I finish the exorcism I’m performing on Payton.
After the blow up last Thursday, Payton had a perfect day at school Friday, was wonderful all weekend, and another great day Monday. But yesterday? Apparently the gates of hell opened up with a direct portal to his classroom and evil demons possessed Payton’s body to spread mayhem and anarchy.
Payton was sent to Mr. Principal not once but TWICE yesterday. This went beyond not completing his class work and being a disobedient nuance and into what I can only call criminally insane. Not that he did anything to hurt anyone (of course not) but he did attention-seeking things that were fucking crazy, even for him. Taking into consideration all of the odd and quirky things I’ve witnessed him do, that’s saying a lot.
Mr. Principal had to call me up to the school to deal with him.
Did you read that? I WAS CALLED UP TO THE SCHOOL BECAUSE MY KID WAS ACTING LIKE AN INSANE ASSHOLE THE SIZE OF THE GRAND CANYON!
OMFG.
How does a kid flip like that? Now you understand why I said I would give up the contents of my liquor cabinet for life if I could get inside his head. I mean it.
I do what a parent is “suppose to do.” I do the positive reinforcements, enforcement of consequences, avoid negative attention. I’m not saying I could write a book on it, but I do it like the majority of other regular parents. I do that shit.
So what the hell am I supposed to do now?
I’ll admit it to you, reader, even though I know I’ll be judged for it. I spanked Payton on Thursday and again yesterday. Wally and I used to use spanking for punishment, reserved for only the most severe offenses. But then we decided a while back we would stop even that because it’s still wrong, even when used sparingly. It’s just wrong and only ineffective parents resort to that type of punishment. We’re better than that! We can discipline and be effective without it! Rah!
And so we stopped.
But, I swear, I no longer know what else to use to deter that kid. I’ve tried the usual removal of privileges – loss of tv, video game time, extra crummy chores given, sent to his room, positive reinforcement when he starts getting back on track, all the usual stuff. I’ve used it all in the past. It works on Parker, but Payton? Obviously it’s not working.
And quite frankly, to simply take away video/tv time after what he did, the punishment does not fit the crime. That would be too lenient for the shit he pulled.
I do not understand why he goes from such a wonderful kid to a Grand Canyon-sized asshole just like *that*. It fucking baffles me.
I told myself maybe it’s his final larger-than-life push before he settles down. His kindergarten teacher, who is the absolute best at behavior modification, pointed out that trend in children – that they dig their heels in the deepest right before they finally relent. I’ve found that to be true, but still. Payton has to learn he’s too old to play that game every year.
So is that what happened, digging in his heels one last time? I can only hope.
Or is it something else?
Over the summer, I conducted more experiments with Payton’s diet. I know he has something close to a reactive hypoglycemic thing going on. If his blood sugar gets too low, here come the headaches, lethargy and irrational behavior. So we learned to manage that quite well and it helped a lot. But we still had random crazy moments.
Another mom emailed me about her young son and asked if I’d played around with Red dye #40 in Payton’s diet. I hadn’t but I decided to look into it after hearing her story.
Sure, it’s strictly anecdotal evidence, but Wally and I saw big behavior differences whenever Payton ate something with not just Red dye #40 but also yellow dyes too. When he ate something with either of those, he started in with the ridiculous irrationality and irritability. You couldn’t breath the same air with him or he’d find some reason to pick a fight over it.
Payton has been sick with a cold, and Monday night I had to buy a different medicine than what I usually get. Since it was cherry flavored, I don’t have to tell you what dye was in it.
Oh, it’ll be such a little amount, only 2 teaspoons. Surely that won’t affect him too much.
That’s what I told myself as I gave him a dose of it before school yesterday. The school nurse called me because Payton complained of being dizzy. I thought he was simply trying to get out of class. The principal said Payton complained of having too much energy and couldn’t sit in his desk, which is uncommon for him.
Is that the connection, the red dye #40? Lord knows he has a sensitive body – his ears, his skin, the special detergents I have to buy, even down what kind of kleenex he can use without his skin breaking out. Did that one ingredient, after weeks without it, turn him into a crazy little shit?
Or maybe I’m coming up with excuses and I’m just raising an asshole. Fuck, I don’t know.
Oh yeah, I’m up over at The Mouthy Housewives today, answering a question about how to control an unruly 4-year-old. I tell you this because (HAHAHAHA!) me answering that question is such a fucking joke right now. Now I’m sure you want to hurry over and submit your own question. Maybe you should ask about how to stay sane when your kids act like assholes. I can answer that one. I think. I don’t know, it may be too late for me.
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Oh dear lord. I’m sorry. I don’t even know. I have hear about the dye shit from other parents. I judge not. I’ve spanked. And then not. And then on again. This parent gig is hard as shit. Don’t give up girl. Keep trying!
Sometimes a spanking is just the only dusty thing left in your toolbox. I understand, believe me. I agree that the evidence is anecdotal at best, but I’ve noticed that my youngest daughter is pretty sensitive to red dye too. We try to avoid it at all costs to prevent banshee like screaming and displays straight out of The Exorcist at bedtime. I really empathize with your position (My “Payton” is 18) and you just have to keep trusting yourself. He’ll be ok, and so will you.
.-= Stepiphany´s last blog ..why I don’t get regular pedicures =-.
My parents spanked us (only when they really meant business and always just swats on the rear) and sometimes it was the only thing that worked.
.-= Corrin´s last blog ..Uncomfortable Laugh =-.
Oh my goodness! Well I can say it may definitely have been the red food dye, especially given his sensitivity in general. Some kids are just hyper reactive to that, my brother included. I don’t personally believe spanking is the answer but I do understand how a parent gets to that point. Only you know your child and what is right at that moment so I respect your decision and I hope things improve quickly this school year. Good luck!
.-= Meredith´s last blog ..Take Us Back In Time Tuesday – 8/18/09 =-.
I just wanted to comment to say that although I’ve not been where you are, I’m sure zillions of other moms have gone through those times & you’re doing the BEST you can & that’s awesome! The simple fact that you even attempted to RECOGNIZE an allergy to dyes in food, makes you an AWESOME mom.
From my exp. w/ kids with dye allergies I would say that one tiny little does could have caused it. In my niece as well as students I’ve taught–it would throw off their ENTIRE day if they had the foods that contained the dye they were allergic to….so it’s totally possible!
As far as spanking goes, it has it’s time & place, I believe. How is he today? Any better?
.-= Stephanie´s last blog ..BINGO! G 40 =-.
I can’t begin to imagine how you feel right now, but I know how I feel when frustrated, emotionally drained, backed up against a wall, and *tired.*
I guess what I’m getting at is that I won’t pretend to be remotely familiar with you situation, but sometimes words of encouragement (no matter who they come from) help.
So chin up, stay strong. You WILL find a way through this and rest assured knowing you’ve done everything you can for today.
But if that doesn’t help, try the Michael Scott (of The Office) “One of Everything”: “Equal parts scotch, absinthe, rum, gin, vermouth, triple sec, and two packs of Splenda.”
<> Or don’t.
.-= valerie´s last blog ..Lyrical Analysis: Switch by Will Smith =-.
Spanking I go back and forth. Yesterday I did because my 5 year old ran through a parking lot. You use what you have to use to get there attention.
As far as his behavior at school goes. Does he still volunteer at the sea lab? I know that is very important to him. I would tell him that he would not volunteer on the weeks you are called to the principals office. This is just MHO.
I totally agree with the spanking. It’s what you have to do sometimes. I’ll admit that I was spanked and it worked. In the end, he is your kid (weather you want to claim him at all times or not unfortunately) and if you think that’s what will work then do it. It is not any of our decisions, as readers, and I do not think any of us have a place to judge for what you may or may not do. Hope things are better today. Okay, I just had a thought. You bake. He must like what you make and I know food may not be the best tool, but it might work for now. If he has a good day he gets a special dessert, if not nothing. Just a thought.
.-= Dianna´s last blog ..Passing it on =-.
When I was growing up my brother, who was adopted, had all kinds of crazy health problems including hyperactivity and ADD before ADD was a big buzzword. My mom eliminated ANYTHING artificially colored or flavored, mint, and chocolate from his diet and that was the only way his behavior was tolerable. If he got any of those things he was insane, literally out of his mind.
I’m a big believer in keeping artificial colors and flavors out of my kids diet for exactly that reason. Plus a lot of that stuff is banned in other countries, which makes me think it can’t be 100% ok.
Hope that helps! It sucks when your kids act up like that, and I think it’s totally normal to try and “fix” it however you can. It’s not an excuse for his behavior, it’s taking an interest in raising a responsible adult, something more people need to do.
I didn’t get a chance to comment on the last post, but I’ve been following along. I believe really and truly it could be the red dye. Any food dye, I suppose, but definitely the red. Neither of my girls can tolerate it. It makes them BESERK-O! I wasn’t thinking clearly a few nights ago (been all kinds of sick) and let my 4 year old have a little taste of store-bought cake icing on her graham cracker at bedtime. After she had been asleep for an hour, she went into these weird sleep hysteria patterns where she would be not really awake, but crying and whimpering and inconsolable. I am convinced it was the dye in the icing. It can have profound effects on the body chemistry of some children, and I would say given Peyton’s other sensitivities, well, I think you are on to something here. Not just with the food dyes, but with the diet in general.
Thanks for staying real with us.
.-= Megan@SortaCrunchy´s last blog ..12 books that changed the way I . . . =-.
I’m waiting on you to figure out what to do so you can tell me.
We had our first day of 6th grade Junior High: initiated by a freak out at the locker because he couldn’t get the combination right THE FIRST TIME.
Well, of course, there was crazy locker door pulling, and kicking, and crying, and pretty much all the stuff that a group of jr. high kids just LOVES to crowd around.
Way to get noticed on the first day of Jr. High, honey….Can’t wait till the other kids figure out you only eat the.same.3.things.every.day. for lunch. Should be a lovefest around you again.
Once you get a peek into Payton’s mind, please let me be the first to know what exactly goes on in there.
I’ve always been grateful my parents spanked. It got the point across and was over and done with so I didn’t get punished for longer than the offense. Try not to beat him though, that would be going way to far.
You know I bet he doesn’t understand what’s going on either, so hang in there.
My husband and I used to spank my elder son sometimes but we stopped as he got older. He’s now 5. About 2 weeks back, he sat on my husband’s lap and asked him why he had spanked him. My husband got a bit flustered but answered that sometimes he did it coz he wasn’t listening. My son, Aakash, then said, “if I wasn’t listening, do you think spanking will make me listen? Do you think I can hear anything if you spank me? Why didn’t you just talk to me?”
.-= Roshni´s last blog ..A Suitable Boy =-.
Hey, some body has to raise assholes, so the rest of us look like we know what we are doing! Keep up the good work!
Interesting that the lady brought the food coloring up. My friend had the WORST kid EVER in the history of kids. I mean, when he was two, he would pitch fits in the stores, roll around ON THE MALL FLOOR, kicking and screaming. As he got older, he still did this, would run arund screaming like bees were stinging him, would pitch fits so bad I swear her frothed at the mouth! Yup, food color allergies. I think it was the yellow’s though, but I could be wrong. She cut all that out, and he finally started acting like a normal kid instead of a demon possesed child.
And you know? I spanked my kids when they were little. No, I didn’t beat them with belts and spoons and switches like I was when I was young. Just a whack or two on the butt to let them know I really did mean what I was saying, and what they did was REALLY wrong! I say good for you guys to not bow to socieities beliefs. Their kids are probably the ones causing all the trouble!
I’m not just saying this to make you feel better, but it totally could be the red dye.
I’ve spanked. Then not. Then spanked. Currently not. Extreme frustration can alter my philosophy.
Hang in there. He’s a special kid, even when he’s acting like an asshole. (And I don’t mean “special” as in short bus – I mean gifted, just sensitive, you know.)
.-= Ashlie- Mommycosm´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Summa, Summa, Summa-time =-.
I am glad you have tried removing items from his diet such as red dye. I have seen my grandson act crazy after getting certain types of sugar. Once he had a candy cane and within 5 minutes he was running around screaming and acting like he was on crack. I threw all the candy away. Other people tell me that it is impossible to have sugar do that to you.
I have also noticed when he is overly tired and/or hungry there is no end to his whining and bratty behavior. He has crying fits, etc. I totally get where you are coming from on this. I always wonder why parents are so ready to poke a pill in their kids mouth rather than adjust their diet. When I ask if they have tried removing sugars and things like koolaid, etc., they act like I am a radical.
.-= Coco´s last blog ..NATURAL INSECTICIDES =-.
Ohhh, Heather. What can any of us say to you but that we are here for your ranting pleasure. I wish I could send you a hug and a GIGANTIC FUCKING COCKTAIL. But I’m sure you can manage to get the latter for yourself.
.-= McMama´s last blog ..Sabotage =-.
Drink. I’ve been drinking all week.
I spank also. Sparingly.
Sunday night was the night I had to take it out of the spare closet and dust it off…and then she did the unthinkable, she kicked me in the chest.
Oh, yes. She did. My sweet, hugs homeless people, demon child daughter.
She’s 11 and now thinks she is old enough to whoop my ass.
My husband thought I might kill her.
Luckily, as he saw the red spreading up my face he took me away and called my parents to come get her. The took her for the night and scared the bejesus out of her. Told her that if she ever back talked, laid a hand on me, so much as had an evil thought, they would back her clothes and move her in with them and life as she knows it would cease. Told her they didn’t know when I would let her come back home. They took her to school Monday and dared her to call me crying. She apparantly cried all day for me.
I picked her up that afternoon. Her room now consists of a bed and clothes. She has to earn her TV, Wii, etc back. Starting 2 weeks after grounding is over.
I think she is scared to death I’m gonna kick her out again and it is working so far…but we are only a few days in.
I’m soooo tired of this mommy gig.
Hang in there. Alot of us feel your pain and are glad to know that we aren’t the only parents hanging on by a thread.
And on a closing note,
Drink.
.-= Dejoni´s last blog ..Vienna Sausage =-.
Oh my gosh. I just assumed that you had him off of all artificial colors. My son is perfect off of dairy and dye. He is a calm absolutely normal kid. If he gets an icee at the movie with his dad, it is all over. I let him eat all the candy and crap he wants in the summer because he knows the week before school starts no junk allowed for the entire school year. Every year, I have to tell the teacher that he is sensitive to dye so I will buy WHATEVER reward she wants but to not reward with candy. Teachers always want to reward with skittles for some reason and that is my son’s worst enemy. He cries, has nightmares, gets depressed, hyperactive, can’t control his body. You name it. I gave him benadryl with dye in it ONCE and he actually hallucinated. No lie. He became obsessed with the same thought over and over. From then on, we only do dye on special occassions or in the summer when I’m the one to deal with it. I beg you take him off of it and you will TOTALLY see the difference. I’m actually excited for you cuz you have a new weapon in your arsenal to fight the battle with. Yay! Go Queenie! You can do it! It will take 3-5 days to get out of his system.
My husband retells the story (quite frequently) of the time they tested his brother for allergies b/c of behavioral issues. They put Red Dye #7 on his tongue and he got up, walked over to the wall, and kicked a hole in it.
So, yes, there could be something to that apparently.
.-= Amo´s last blog ..Fried Eggs, Anyone? =-.