Point Me To One Of Those Government Euthanasia Committees.
Posted by Heather in This Mom Gig
“Everything can’t always go your way, Payton. Sometimes it has to go other people’s way wah wah wah wah wah wah. You’re older now wah wah wah. You have to learn to compromise instead of throwing fits to get your way wah wah wah wah wah.”
“What does ‘compromise’ mean?” he asked.
(I’m not surprised he doesn’t understand the meaning of this word.)
“It means you give a little, they give a little until you both agree. You meet in the middle wah wah wah wah wah.”
“It sounds like the older you get, the weaker you get,” he says.
“What do you mean? Weaker as in low energy or weaker in character?”
“Weaker in character.”
Yes, son, it is my goal in life to turn you into a pussy by teaching you unmanly things like compromise. It’s why God granted me all boys, to practice my emasculation skills! I live for it. I eat nuts for breakfast. It’s the only reason I get out of bed every day!
Later that night….
Wah wah wah if you do that one more time, Parker, you’re going straight to bed.”
He did it. Of course he did it again. Because my children hate me and want to see me cry.
“Bed! Right now!”
(Consistency! Follow through! Appropriate discipline practice!)
“Aaahhhh! Aaaahhhhh! Aaaaahhh!”
Wally wrangles Parker into bed. Hello? I’ve had it. I’m the one who now shakes with trepidation every time the goddamn phone rings between the hours of 8-3. Wally can deal with forcing Parker to bed early.
I’m standing in the hall as this goes on, Payton is in the bathroom, brushing his teeth and listening to his brother get in trouble and pitch a fit. It feels like all I’ve done for days and days is reprimand and get onto children and field phone calls from the school and reprimand and get onto children and decide appropriate punishment and reprimand and…please, do the humane socialized healthcare thing and kill me now.
I’ve had ENOUGH. Something has to give.
“You know what?! Mom and dad are just going to grow horns right out of our foreheads (holds fingers up to my head). Permanently! That way you’ll always know we’re mean like the devil! Horns, I tell you! I’m growing them tonight while you’re both asleep!”
Payton looks at me as if he’s half trying not to laugh and half trying to figure out if I’ve gone crazy. He comes to some conclusion:
“Mom, don’t forget to grow a forked tail too.”
Believe me, I won’t. Now, where’s my Prada?
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Oh man! My sister and I are only a year apart. We used to fight a lot when we were growing up. My mom had it at one point, she picked us both up by our hair. Don’t worry, we have strong hair, and she didn’t really hurt us. I just remember the shock of it all. We then managed to calm down.
.-= Inna´s last blog ..Humans and Pigeons and Hawks =-.
Can I tell you how that boy just makes my cry with how he continues to love and appreciate you through all this.
The way he maintains his sense of humor is such a bond of love with you. You are in a rough couple of days now, but you still make him laugh, and he does it right back.
My son is just that way, always forgiving, loving, and sincere, no matter what curve balls I throw at him. And, believe me, I am ALWAYS just winging it with him.
It’s the pure love he has for me, the way Payton does for you, that pulls me out of that pit every time.
Thanks for making me smile…through tears…but, still smile…
This patch will pass: I believe it’s the transition and change from summer he’s fighting: he loves being home. and with you: and now both of those things are gone: he knows he’s in a non accepting environment, and his biggest fan isn’t there, either. Those are two HUGE things that rock his world off course.
He’ll adjust, but there will always be rough patches. My son would be home every day if I let him: but then, who’d push him to do more than he can? I don’t, it’s too easy for him at home to stay as he is at home..and he does need to learn how to function in the world. That’s what I want: even when it pains me to see him being stretched.
Thank you for that perspective, Alex.
It sounds like growing horns will only cause them to laugh at you. I do believe if you keep eating nuts for breakfast all will get better soon. LOL!
.-= Keyona´s last blog ..Because All I Do Is Worry =-.
Heater, Heather, Heather. Please, pass the Vodka around!!!!
Is a vodka and xanax cocktail for breakfast still considered a bad idea? Because that might go nice with the nuts you’re eating.
Keep reminding yourself it’s transition – it’s not going to last forever. And find out about renting a room for the weekend at the local psych ward. Those padded walls and huggy jackets will make for a lovely vacation, which you need desperately right now.
I really don’t know how you’re still standing upright, let alone typing coherent sentences.
.-= Kay´s last blog ..My Sister, My Friend… =-.
Oh man. I’m agreeing with Alexandra, that sense of humor is a good thing and a way to stay connected to you. That boy is something else for sure. If he survives his childhood he’s going to make one special adult. Who I’m certain will visit you in the mental hospital weekly.
.-= Meredith´s last blog ..Thirty eight =-.
I’m still stuck back at the part where he interprets compromise and getting weaker. That is a brilliant insight, actually.
.-= amy2boys´s last blog ..Sam =-.
Don’t forget the tail…at least they know the carpet should match the drapes. You have done well as a parent in my book! LMAO
.-= jennydecki´s last blog ..Ha! Things are NOT as Bad as They Seemed! =-.
wow. good luck!
the things they come up with…..
i think you’re gonna need a taller glass.
how bout just drink straight outta the bottle. i’m sure it’s much easier that way.
.-= mpotter´s last blog ..ciento =-.
I’ve got about a gallon and a half of margarittas mixed up, and four different types of cocktails being tried, leave it all behind and come to Vegas (I’ll try to ship my wife off to Portland for a few weeks)
.-= joeinvegas´s last blog ..Horses? =-.
Robina: Is it possible you could organize a vodka shower for me? Like a baby shower, but, um, not. Instead of passing around Pampers with food smeared in it, we could pass around vodka martinis and try to guess what kind.
Kay: That does sound like a perfect chaser when eating nuts for breakfast. Let’s try it at the shower Robina is going to organize!
Meredith: I bet when he visits, he’ll want to feed me strained peas.
mpotter: You’re right. Forget the glasses! We’ll just play Hot Potato Vodka Bottle at the shower. Screw formalities!
Joe: You can be the bartender at the shower, okay?
I agree with Amy2boy’s comment: that really was insightful of him to notice the difference!
I had all sorts of trouble with my youngest son when he was in grade school. But the shit hit the fan when he was in the fifth grade. Good lord almighty, I wanted to strangle the boy. He acted quite similar to Payton, refused to do his work, ignored the teachers (by staring out of the window, etc) until finally, he completely blew his cool in class one day. They wanted him to do some math problems (I KNOW *gasp*), and he simply wasn’t in the mood to deal with it, so he threw his book and all of his papers clear across the classroom. In essence, he threw a temper tantrum.
He was sent to the principal’s office. The school called me down. I sat in the office with the principal, who was going to let him off the hook (I did their school website, so he was extra nice to me), but I stopped him, mid-sentence (my son was in the room listening to this conversation) and asked him, “What do the school rules say to do in a situation like this?”
The principal told me that it required one day of in-school suspension (ISS).
So, to everyone’s surprise, I said, “Let’s do it.”
I think my son was the most shocked out of all of us. We were all so intent on figuring this mess out, that I completely lost track of time and forgot about my older son who was waiting to be picked up at his middle school. By the time we got there, my oldest son was f.r.e.a.k.e.d. out (we were very late). And when my youngest son realized that his brother was upset, and that it was directly tied to HIS behavior, he felt really bad. I think then, he finally realized that the world did not revolve solely around him.
Youngest son served his one day suspension in ISS. He was embarrassed, he was humiliated, but serve he did. He learned that his behavior had consequences. He also had his games/computer taken away from him at home. He was also told that if he acted out like that again, he would have two days of ISS, again, three days of ISS and after that, he would be suspended from school and sent home for nearly a week. And I let him know, in no uncertain terms, that if we got to those points, his life would be a living hell and he would be begging to go back to school.
Oh, before all of this went down, his teachers had a conference with me and tried to tell me that he had ADHD. I was furious. I told them that though I appreciated their intervention, I was quite confident that he did not have ADHD. That he was, in fact, being a brat and throwing temper tantrums because he didn’t want to be there or to do the work. Wah.
I guess my point is, I know where you are. I honestly do. In fact, I STILL tense up when the phone rings during school hours because of that time period. But I’m very happy to report, after that ISS experience, he finally straightened up and grew the hell up. He’s doing very well in school now and is heavy into band (which has kept him interested and out of trouble).
Please hang in there. I know it’s hard, I do. But remain firm and consistent, that’s really all you can do at this point. He’ll soon realize he’s acting immaturely and settle down. (I hope!)
Sorry for the novel-length comment! But wow, your posts brought back a lot of memories.
I’m w/ Amy. That boy’s got an understanding that is overwhelming.
I struggle with the same ‘discipline v/s breaking their spirit’.
.-= Amo´s last blog ..Fried Eggs, Anyone? =-.