The other day, Wally and I had this exact conversation…

Wally: I think I’ve lost my crazy.

Me: *blink blink* Please, God, tell me “crazy” isn’t secret man code for “ability to get it up.”

Wally: Or maybe I never had Crazy?

Me: *blink blink*

Wally: Okay, I must have never had Crazy.

Me: What do you mean, lost your crazy?

Wally: I feel like I’ve lost what makes me different. I don’t do anything off the wall anymore. I never write anymore! I wanted to write a book.

Me: Um, since when? You never write.

Wally: Back in college. I wrote a lot. I have an idea for a book, you know.

Me: *blink blink*

Wally: We watched that Apple commercial the other night and I realized I’m not one of the crazy ones. Waaahhh!

Can you believe this, people? This is what I have to put up with – a man trying to steal my thunder. I can’t even have an early mid-life crisis to myself, for fuck’s sake.

On Friday night, Wally (aka Thunder Stealer) had a “business dinner” with a client. I can’t say whom but they are in the business of gambling and rock and roll memorabilia.

Tell me, is it really a good idea to confess your own midlife crisis to your wife the day before you go on a “business dinner” that involves gambling, rock and roll, and a client guest list that is almost all women?

Wally kept saying “but I won’t have a good time without you there!” Who does he think he’s talking to, someone who made a C in Calculus III? I don’t think so. I know he just wants to get lucky when he gets home from his night of fun with other adults.

I spent Friday night not having adult conversations over a dinner of shrimp au gratin and crab meat with people whose business is gambling and rock and roll. Instead, my dinner conversation was with a paper cow over a Chick Fil A sandwich. After this succulent dinner, I spent the rest of my evening helping my oldest son put together his first Erector set. If that one act doesn’t cement me as a nerd, I don’t know what will. The worst part? I had to do this sober.

Who really deserves the pity party: me or Wally? Sister, please.

(P.S. Wally hasn’t taken me out to a dinner party in over 18 months. We know what happens when I don’t get enough socialization. )

Well, I’ll tell you who actually deserves the pity party: the entire world and humankind, that’s who. After putting together that Erector set with the tiniest screws and nuts and bolts in the universe, I’m practically an engineer.

So you have me with my straight A’s all through calculus, an Erector degree in engineering, a psychology degree in which to manipulate the thinking of an entire nation, all backed up by a “Crazy One” science genius and a little math whiz by the name of Parker. I’m now fully prepared to seize control of the U.S. government.

I hope you’re afraid.

And is it just me, or didn’t that Apple commercial make you want to hump your Macbook too? I mean, my god. I’m just like Einstein, Amelia Earhart, Gandi and Muhammad Ali, all because I own a Mac and it makes me think differently. Plus I have  two evil genius heirs to take over my reign once I’m gone.

Here’s to the Crazy Ones!

You should really be afraid now.

This entry was posted on Monday, September 21st, 2009 at 7:42 am and is filed under Marital Bon Mot. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.