So you know I’m attempting to crank up the quality of my weird factor and I think I’m making progress.
First thing I did to jolt myself out of the rut of propriety was straighten my hair.
This may not seem weird to you, but honestly, you don’t know the extremes I must go to in order to straighten out the mess of nappy curls that grew in my hair during my second pregnancy.
People, I have to be topless when I straighten my hair. That is weird.
Another weird thing about my hair is that I have to set my flat iron heat setting all the way up to HOT AS HELL. It takes the fires of Hades to scare my hair straight.
I also visited my family this past weekend. The fact that I not only refuse to use double negatives but actually understand what they are makes me weird.
I guess I’m also weird since I don’t give a flying fuck about this TSA/Bottle Up mommy blog drama.
Listen closely to me people, for I am wise. When you display an invisible blog with integrity badge like I do, when people fuck up their own integrity, your panties stay safe and secure out of your crack. What is there to get all up in arms about if you feel certain of your own integrity?
Plus, I don’t have time to make judgments over who is lying and who isn’t when I have to flat iron my hair. There are times when selfish behaviors actually do the collective world some good.
Now, there are also a couple of weird things I’ve thought of embracing but have yet to pursue.
For about 15 seconds, I entertained the idea of suggesting an open marriage to Wally. Then I realized this would mean other men whose children did not mutilate my lower stomach would have to see me naked and so I would have to go on a strict diet of cardboard. I may have lost many things (such as taut skin) but I haven’t lost my compassion for humanity nor my love of nachos and chocolate.
I also considered cooking with shiitake mushrooms but can’t bring myself to eat something that, upon looking at the word, always makes me think of shit.
There are other weird acts I’ve dismissed, but I can’t stop touching my straight hair long enough to type them out. So this is where I ask you to comment with other weird things I could do so I can keep playing with my hair.
Entries (RSS)
Has lice started going around your parts yet? (And by your parts, I mean the South, not lady parts)
Marinka´s last blog ..Sunday is My Fun Day. I Mean, “Fun” Day.
I’ve been called weird since I was in Junior High because I don’t give a flying crap what other people think about me. I sing when I want. I dance in the living room. I laugh out loud. I make smoochy kissy noises to animals and talk to them like they are real babies. I make snow angels. I get excited over the smallest things. I laugh over the silliest things. I color with my daughter, and practice the thriller dance with her and do the booty drop. We watch Hannah Montana together. And yea, I’m 45 and she’s six, but we are peas in a pod!
So, wow, does that mean I act like a six year old??? Never thought of it that way!!!
My 14 year old wants me to straighten my hair, but I’m afraid I would look like a flat head if I did. I’ve ALWAYS had curly hair and …hell, maybe I will try it one day.
Weird is the new cool. Own it, work it and flaunt it. Great post.
toywithme´s last blog ..The Titty Fairy Pays Me A Visit
i like weird. what i don’t get is the normal.
Madge´s last blog ..October
I couldn’t get past the open marriage. What were you thinking. I don’t even want to see myself naked! Eek!
Keyona´s last blog ..When I Needed It The Most
Love…the hair. And Wally must, too.
“Something different is always fun”, as my loser ex-boyriend in college used to say.
I also do not give a shit about the MyBottlesUp thing, NOR the balloon kid fiasco, NOR Jon and Kate, NOR whatever that Maria Shriver bullshit is, NOR anything else that’s been big in the news lately. And now I’ve said NOR so many times that it just looks weird and sounds wrong and I’m totally distracted by that. But not distracted enough to not say (see? double negative) that I am weirder than you and also feel utterly superior to all those who dare care.
bejewell´s last blog ..The Old Days Were Both Terrifying and Awesome
Bejewell: I love the word ‘nor’. Because it rhymes with whore.
i get so hot when I freakin’ flat iron my hair. and then hot and cranky. but at least may hair looks fab. i love your hair curly and straight!
the mama bird diaries´s last blog ..they should serve wine at halloween festivals
Here’s something to care about. We had a flash mob event today. In our little city of 1/4 million people. I’m such a hick. Embrace the curly hair. It’s beautiful and less work.
witchypoo´s last blog ..Bust A Move
Hmmm, if you ever do have that talk with Wally, I’ve got the chocolate, nachos but unfortunately tequila (oh, wait, vodka, yes, some of that too). Unfortunately the 2,000 miles might be a small problem but we could work it out.
joeinvegas´s last blog ..E Friday – coloring
love the hair
feener´s last blog ..pilates and depression
I strongly dislike double negatives. When I was a little kid, my strict grandmother turned me into a pint-sized grammar nazi. Thankfully I’ve mellowed out a bit but when I was about 6, I tried correcting my (from way-up-Maine) aunt about “ain’t.” She said “Oh I know, ain’t ain’t a word.”
It still makes me feel icky to hear it.
Honestly, I have never thought of straightening my hair with out a shirt on, but I do frequently iron my clothes in the nude. But beware it really doesnt feel too good if you iron your skin!
SoccerMom´s last blog .."Student Driver"
you crack me up. every fucking day, you crack me up. dude, i love your hair- it looks awesome.
are we meeting EVER!??!?!
jennster´s last blog ..girl trip, GIRL trip, GIRL TRIP!!!!
Weird would have been straightening one side of your hair, and leaving the other side curly.
Another weird hair thing could be not shaving your pits, or legs, or . . . something.
Plucking all your eyebrow hairs and then drawing on eyebrows?
Scott´s last blog ..Santa Has Left the Building
Accept it, you are weird girl.
I. have. never. straightened. my. hair.
And this is despite my mother always telling me I “had a lovely kink in it”.
Yeah right. Have given it a few atrocious perms over the years (anyone remember last century?) but the closest it has ever come to “straightened” is putting heavy curlers in to get the hang right.
Anyhow, that in no way answers your question does it? What was it again?
jeanie´s last blog ..Turtles, tourism exhibits and tummy
And I love YOU, you whore.
bejewell´s last blog ..The Old Days Were Both Terrifying and Awesome
I suggest an open marriage to my husband every day. Maybe I should start suggesting it when he’s awake.
Your hair rocks either way. Straight looks fun for a change…but I’m jealous of the waves. I’ve tried and tried to no avail to curl my locks. Even a ‘perm’ won’t hold.
Kim´s last blog ..autumn’s blessings
I’m jealous that you have curly hair… mine is stick straight and refuses to hold a curl. ANd I so don’t get the whole TSA war, either. Reminds me of the whole Dooce/Maytag thing.
VirtualSprite´s last blog ..separation anxiety
On the few occasions where I have straight hair, I cannot keep my hands off of myself either. It’s like when you gt your braces of and the feeling of running your tongue over your teeth was just the best thing ever.
Scary Mommy´s last blog ..The Scariest of Mommies
I walk on my toes, a lot. Picture toes tucked under, me up on my knuckles. Guess that makes me weird too.
Great article, I will have to check more of this. Will go on and read to a greater extent here as I can see you have done some great work with your site. Keep up the good work