I Hope The Bellevue Has Room Service. I’m Too Tired To Cook.
Posted by Heather in Evidence File for The BettyIt’s been over nine years since Wally and I selected a name for our firstborn son and just yesterday (YESTERDAY!) did I realize it rhymes with Satan.
Payton. Satan.
Oh my god, everything is now illuminated! It all makes sense, everything! This is an epiphanic moment!
And this epiphany makes me bipolar. It’s true. I diagnosed myself with the help of NPR.
Last night I listened to Fresh Air’s Venturing into Bellevue’s Psychiatric ER. If you don’t know what Bellevue is, it’s the NYC hospital where all the psych criminals are taken. Don’t feel stupid, I wasn’t aware of it either, but once I found that out, I immediately wondered why famous psych hospitals start with the letter ‘B’. Is that a mandate in the DSM?
The interview was with a shrink who did all the crazy ER intakes and she’s written a book about her experience. Have you noticed how everyone is writing a book these days? It’s why I’ve abandoned writing my book: I hate crowds. And ambition. Honestly, fuck ambition and five-year plans, I stay in the moment. That’s what God tells me to do.
Anyway, this shrink said the difference between schizophrenics and bipolars is that the schizos think the world is influencing them (paranoia) and bipolars think they are influencing the world (mania.) I take this to mean all bloggers are bipolar.
The shrink (I can’t remember her name because I’m bipolar and it’s all about my influence, not hers) told the story of a young man arrested for being naked in Times Square and barking like a dog, and he was ranting about some manifesto he wanted Howard Stern to read. Plainly no one told this guy to do as Howard and keep lewd animal acts & manifestos in the recording studio to avoid arrest.
During the intake, this patient began talking of how we’re all connected, each one of us to the other, everything is connected; that his molecules and the shrink’s molecules were mixing in the air in between them, thus connecting them together.
Dr. Shrink Lady said something about how many people may have similar thoughts, but it’s the crazy ones who actually voice them. And sharing your mystic epiphany without a filter will land you in Bellevue.
So if I ever get to visit NYC, I need to pack either a muzzle, a Brita filter for sharing, or my own straight jacket. Or maybe all three! Because I also believe we’re all connected, that everything is connected, and I often have mystical experiences without a filter.
(A mystical experience is what happens when you’re cleaning with ammonia and you breath too deeply, start coughing because you don’t have that goddamn filter, and when you can’t catch your breath, God suddenly yells in your ear to get the hell away from the bucket. I mean, that’s how the mystic goes for you too, isn’t it?)
I also think I’m God. And so are you. Because we’re all connected, namaste and reality is an illusion and my kitchen table only exists because I believe in it.
So naturally I’m bipolar too.
Except NPR Dr. Shrink Lady said bipolars on a manic episode do not need sleep.
Are you kidding? I’m a mother. I’ve been exhausted for nine years.
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I thought Bellevue was one of those “common knowledge” pieces of useless info. But when I read this I realized the only reason I know about Bellevue is because of my addiction to Law and Order SVU. I watch too much tv.
.-= Nicole´s last blog ..Halloween Weekend =-.
First of all, isn’t the shrink lady violating the lunatic-doctor privilege in discussing this guy publicly? And second of all, I’ve been tripolar for years.
.-= Marinka´s last blog ..Nicki, Recovering =-.
My sons’ names rhyme with “Ham” and “Sack.” But that didn’t lead me to an “epiphanic moment.” Which is a shame because I really, really like saying that word. Epiphanic, ephiphanic!
.-= Wendi´s last blog ..How to Get Cheap Thrills This Halloween =-.
Admittedly, my college education is fuzzy, both from time and martinis. But, if I remember correctly, you can discuss a case in generalities as long as it doesn’t reveal anything specific enough to be traced back to the actual person.
If you do head to NYC with a straight jacket and/or a muzzle, will you please be sure to take pictures? And btw, didn’t the Naked Cowboy get famous by standing (almost) naked in Times Square? Some guys have all the luck.
.-= Megan´s last blog ..Take Anything You Want, But Please Sir, Don’t Take My Manolos =-.
“Bellevue” is not common knowledge countrywide. For anyone in the Seattle area it FIRST means the rich suburb across the lake where they don’t allow anyone who makes less than $100K to tread their streets, THEN it means a hospital.
I think I’d rather go to your Bellevue.
Megan: Of course. I’m sure it would make The Times front page anyway.
HellTygr: That Seattle area is probably named after the hospital, many of their inhabitants having relocated there. See how it’s all connected?
My husband’s first job when we were first married was a pathologist intern at Bellevue (circa 1975)…oh the stories!
“Have you noticed how everyone is writing a book these days? It’s why I’ve abandoned writing my book: I hate crowds. ” You are a riot.
.-= the mama bird diaries´s last blog ..a couple of space cadets at northwest airlines =-.