It’s such a special day. This is the first recipe post here on my blog. I’m convinced I could steal all of Pioneer Woman’s readers if only I weren’t lazy and had quality pictures. Or even a picture. But whatever, my readers use make-believe and we know that’s more powerful than knowledge.
Now there are some weirdos out there who don’t care for fudge, even though they have tasted mine. I’ve heard this odd behavior is a side effect of a botched lobotomy so don’t even try to understand them. Pity them instead
This recipe is not of my own but comes from Southern Living, also known as the Golden Compass of all Southern Cooks.
The directions come from me, but really, it’s like coming straight from God such is the magic when my hands meet sugar and butter and chocolate. I will tell you all my confectionary secrets pertaining to fudge. Except for one. It will cost you $19.95.
Pumpkin Fudge
(imagine pretty picture of fudge here)
Ingredients
3 C. sugar
¾ C. melted butter
2/3 C. evaporated milk
½ C. canned pumpkin
2 tbsp corn syrup
1 tsp pumpkin pie spice
12 oz. package of white chocolate chips
7 oz. jar marshmallow cream
1 C chopped pecans
1 tsp vanilla
First things first when making fudge – your pot. Oh my, this is important. This is my fudge pot…
…I don’t know the exact size, sorry. It’s the tallish one. You want it tall so your butter/sugar/milk has room to rise as it boils AND it’s deep enough to get a proper reading on your candy thermometer.
Second things first when making fudge – your candy thermometer. Get one.
Third things first when making fudge – your spoon. There is only one spoon I will use to make fudge and this is it:
It’s the best spoon in the world. Notice the partial metal handle? Stirring fudge is stiff business. All plastic spoons flex and bend as you stir in the chips & marshmallow cream and that’s annoying.
A wooden spoon probably works good too, though I do think spoons are like the wands from Harry Potter – the spoon chooses the confectionary wizard. My spoon chose me. Okay, it was really Wally’s spoon from college, but he chose me, so whatever.
Now onto the actual cooking.
(insert here professional-looking picture of all of my ingredients pre-measured in pretty bowls, such as Paula Deen’s bowls. Right now I don’t have these or any pretty bowls since #1 the economy sucks and #2 what the economy doesn’t suck out of me monetarily, my children do. School picture packages cost HOW MUCH?)
Melt enough butter to clog the arteries of 10 different people. This is where you melt butter.
In a microwave. That is clean. Please verbally appreciate the cleanliness of my microwave since no one in my home ever does.
Pour your sugar, melted butter, evaporated milk, pumpkin, corn syrup & pumpkin pie spice into your pot. Grab your spoon and gird up your loins in preparation of a lifetime of constant stirring.
Turn stove eye onto medium-high heat and stir your ingredients together.
Keep stirring. Do not stop. Do not pass go. Do not do pour a glass of wine, cooking fudge takes concentration!
Keep stirring. Constantly. Your life depends on it. Do not stop!
(insert here culinary picture of Heather stirring and stirring and stirring and stirring until she finally props herself up on the stove from fatigue.)
Once sugar mixture begins to boil, insert your candy thermometer (in the pot and not elsewhere, you nasty freak) and keep it in there, waiting for the temperature to reach 234 degrees. Keep stirring!
Now, some recipes will tell you to do that or simply boil the sugar mixture for 12 minutes. THIS 12 MINUTE THING IS A LIE. I’m convinced this lie is propagated by certain chain fudge companies so you will fail and keep buying their fudge.
So use the candy thermometer and keep stirring. Be strong!
(insert picture of Heather’s fingertips turning red from potential steam burns.)
Check your candy thermometer a thousand times. While it doesn’t take that long to go from 0 to 230 degrees, it will take three light years to go from 230 degrees to 234 degrees.
Once it reads 234 degrees, immediately remove pan from heat (don’t forget to turn off eye) and quickly stir in the white chocolate chips until melted. Then stir in the marshmallow cream.
You may want help at this stage. My arms tire by this point so I call in the husband. I have feminine arms and no matter what Jillian’s 30 Day Shred thinks, I will never be a she-man. I need a stirring partner.
Once the marshmallow cream is blended in completely, stir in vanilla and pecans. Pour into a greased (with cooking spray) 13×9 casserole dish. Now lick the spoon and pot. But don’t burn your tongue, idiot. That stuff was 234 degrees just a couple of minutes before.
Allow fudge to cool and set, preferably overnight. Cut and enjoy. And then thank me for all my wonderful insight.
If for some reason the recipe doesn’t work for you, please send in $19.95 and I will tell you what you did wrong.
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I love it!
The fudge was awesome. People cried when it was all gone.
You should totally write a cookbook. That was way more fun to read than Rachael Ray telling me to “eyeball” the amount of spices I use or Emeril inserting “Bam!” in dramatic places.
Malia´s last blog ..Five
1) I love you. I don’t know you, but that is neither here nor there and slightly immaterial. Just deal with it. Go with it. Lots of people do. Okay, so a few, but still . .. .
2) I love you BECAUSE of your pumpkin fudge … which I have never tried. Because, of course, like I just said, I don’t know you. (Aren’t you even listening to me?) But again, not the point. You have given me pumpkin fudge inspiration and that’s enough.
3) But most of all … MOST OF ALL … have you SEEN your microwave? Have you seen YOUR microwave? YOU?! Are the Goddess of Goodness. Excuse me, I have some aspiring and scheming to do …
Jennilea´s last blog ..Pumpkin Procurement
Screw the fudge, will you come clean my microwave?
Michelle Smiles´s last blog ..The House of Snot
I would post a pic of my microwave but then the health department would call hazmat and I would be out a microwave. Congrats on your miracle, mine hasn’t been white since I bought it
sounds so good, but oh so much work! wah!! (my fudge is usually condensed milk, choc chips and vanilla! hehe)
I’ll let you know how it goes!
I don’t recall having your fudge. I recall speaking at length about the deliciousness of your fudge.
This fudge does actually sound pretty good, but you kind of lost me when you talked about stirring. I don’t really like to have to work for my food. How’s about you just make me some and mail it?
I’m not surprised your microwave is so clean and I think I know why that is…;)
Your friend,
The Weirdo
Who are you, this person who has eaten my fudge and CAN NOT REMEMBER?! You are dead to me.
Yum! I’m keeping this recipe and making it once I pop this baby out and get rid of the gestational diabetes. I think my blood sugar just went up from reading the recipe.
Shannon (aka ShannieLu)´s last blog ..Blog Carnival III: Adoption Photos
Maybe your fudge was so heavenly that Jennifer had to block it out of her mind when she moved or else she would be so depressed that there was no fudge.
This sounds wonderful, I am going to have to try it.
Domestic Extraordinaire´s last blog ..Leaves aren’t the only color this season
Yum.
YUM
and yes please.
I love my tallish pot and my big spoon.
Do people NOT have candy thermometers? (snort)
rachel-asouthernfairytale´s last blog ..Baked Potato Skins with Salmon and Creamy Dill Sauce
I would like to point out that not only was I admiring the cleanlisness of your microwave, but also your stove. You are a goddess to me. None of my appliances sparkle like yours do.
VirtualSprite´s last blog ..pondering
Does your stove top have chalk outlines of meals that died?
Your sparkling clean microwave reminds me of last week, one moment where I opened ours and actually noticed the inside, which wasn’t very clean. In fact it was so unclean that I thought about cleaning it myself. Thankfully I was distracted by warmed food and that silly thought disappeared like a bubble in a hurricane. It was a close call, ’cause if you do it once it’s expected that you could do it regularly. And then when one doesn’t commence doing it regularly bad attitudes reproduce like rabbits.
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