I used to get offended if I didn’t get carded when purchasing alcohol. But as I’ve continued to get older, I’ve kind of had to let that go. No more casting syphilis curses on them in between punching in my debit card code, how many times can you do that after you turn 30 before you get bored of yourself?
But do you know what offends me now? When cashiers get all worried when I pick up one of my loaded reusable shopping bags (go planet Earth!).
“Ohhhh! That’s not too heavy for you, is it? Do you need help carrying that?”
What? So I’m now unquestionably old enough to purchase alcohol without an ID, which I guess really means I look too old and decrepit to pick up a fucking grocery bag.
Do I not look like I work out? Hello? I’ll have you to know that I can do 10 whole girl push-ups on level one of the 30-day Shred! IN A ROW! It’s only taken me six months time to achieve that. Possibly because I hate push-ups with the strength of a thousand suns and refuse to do more than 5 in the second set.
Who wants to look like a she-man? My arms don’t jiggle when I wave, what other goal is there for a near middle-age woman? Other than picking up a loaded grocery bag, WHICH I CAN DO. I don’t even strain, cashier woman. Gesh.
Perhaps next time I should wear shorts (still entirely possible down here in November) instead of jeans and attempt to lift the grocery bags with my legs. While I remain stubborn about push-ups, I work the HELL out of my legs and it shows. I frequently rub my own thighs just so I can feel the renewed tightness in them. Yes, I’m weird, but that would really show those fearful cashier women, if I picked up my canned good loaded shopping bag with my new and improved firm, toned legs!
Or maybe I should just start casting syphilis curses again. Isn’t that what old hags are supposed to do anyway?
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Heather, I love you woman.
This made me laugh, thank you.
.-= rachel-asouthernfairytale´s last blog ..Happy Birthday, Little Angel =-.
I think if you started picking up the bags of cans with your legs while wearing shorts the cashier ladies would ignore you, but the bag boys would be standing around drooling. Well, maybe not the young ones that would think of their mom but at least the old fart manager would. (I would)
.-= joeinvegas´s last blog ..Fall on the Strip =-.
as long as they don’t call me ma’am, i’m ok. that sends me over the edge.
.-= the mama bird diaries´s last blog ..ballet class is bumming me out =-.
My hubs is 7 years older than I am and was past the getting carded thing. I still get asked now, especially if he’s not standing close to me
Of course, they also ask me if I need help to the car, so take that as you will.
.-= TexasRed´s last blog ..Holiday Events for Book Bloggers! =-.
I LOVE learning new phrases while reading blog posts. Yep, “casting syphilis curses” will become a part of my daily vocabulary. Thankyouverymuch.
.-= Ashlie- Mommycosm´s last blog ..Fire safety: Will a smoke alarm wake your child? =-.
Ha, this kinda reminds me a little of the movie “Lady in the Water” where one guy only worked out with his right arm, and it was much bigger and stronger than the other. He looked weak from one side and massive from the other. Maybe you could take that approach and then just flex your big arm when they ask you if you need help!
.-= Eric | Eden Journal´s last blog ..The Open Mind Test – Part 3: Our Purpose in Life =-.
The bag boys always ask if I need help to the car and I say no. Then I walk 12 feet and think, “That was dumb. These bags are filled with syphilis curses and weigh a ton.”
.-= Suzy´s last blog ..Why The Internet Doesn’t Always Suck =-.
I only wish I were a fly on the wall to hear what they say when you leave…it must be lovely.
Yeah, it does hurt the day you quit getting carded. “Yeah, go ahead, buy as much liquor as you want, drink as much as you want, because you’re so old that who really cares what you do?!”
Heather, thanks for enlightening me! Here all this time I was thinking I was the recipient of GOOD customer service…OMG now I realize I’m 31…that’s totally what’s up! Those jerks. And I can’t say I have nicely toned arms and legs, so now I really know what they think of me. How depressing. Thanks for the laughs!
.-= Kim´s last blog ..on peanut butter sandwiches and milkshakes =-.
I’ve NEVER had muscles. EVER. But now I’m starting to get some thanks to an awesome weightlifting program I do at home! It’s called Chalean Extreme. I LOVE it and am. getting. muscles. at the ripe old age of 34. I know…I’m surprised myself, lol.
Also, I quit getting carded at LEAST 10 years ago. Must be all the grey hair?! Damn genetics.
First of all, I’m betting those cashiers are either young girls with no kids, or older ladies who have no recollection of when their own children were small. Because as anyone our age knows, any mother who can (and does) in a pinch carry her 53-pound son upstairs to bed from the car, or who pushes BOTH her children in the jogging stroller (combined weight of kids & stroller = nearly 100 pounds) can certainly carry some groceries. Just chalk it up to the ignorance of youth/age.
.-= MommyTime´s last blog ..Charitable Giving Could Get You This Brand New Cozy Sweater =-.
I bet if you wore one of those old wrestling unitards they’d never offer again…
.-= Amo´s last blog ..Angiogram, Take Three =-.
And they ask over and over – “Ma’am (grrrrr), do you need a carry out?” “No thank you, I can handle it.” “Ma’am (GRRRR), do you need help to your car?” “NO. I STILL can handle it. I’m just fine. Oh yes I am.
BTW, I’m doing that damned shred thing too and agree about the pushups. They’re just…unnatural.
.-= Gretchen´s last blog ..I Need a Little Backup Here =-.
I get more subliminal messages like “These fucking reusable bags don’t stand up, Bitch”
.-= Ann’s Rants´s last blog ..My Carbon Footprint: Paul Bunyan-sized and filled with Tidy Cat =-.
My GOD! You curse people with syphilis too?
My friends totally think I am weird.
But it is EFFECTIVE. Painful AND humiliating. You can’t get any more awesome than that.