Love is All You Need to Make Alabama Beat Auburn at Beards-Eaves Stadium
Posted by Heather in A Bunch of Nothing, Alabamer public edjumacation done taught me to readDo they make Xanax pills for horses? Because I need one after watching the Iron Bowl game, my God. What a stressful event, you have no idea. Unless you are from Alabama, and then you do have an idea.
It’s really great, this football tradition in the state. It’s like the only religion in the world where you’re not only allowed to yell “GODDAMN IT!” or “RUN, MOTHERFUCKER, RUN!” during the service, but no one even blinks when you do. In fact, if you don’t yell and jump up and down, but instead sit quietly in the pew (couch) during this game, you will be excommunicated as a non-believer.
Yes, football is one fine, fun southern religion.
The state of Alabama has a long and strong tradition of intolerance. At the top of the state’s List of Intolerable Things is the inability to pledge your allegiance to one team or the other. Down here in ‘Bama, that’s worse than interracial marriage! You must choose a side in order to get a Social Security Card.
For the most part, the allegiance is passed down from generation to generation, however you do get a few freaks. Like me and Wally.
I, a born and raised Alabama fan, actually graduated from Auburn. And I will cheer for Auburn during the other games, which is a practice exonerated only because when it comes down to The Game, the Auburn/Alabama game, heredity rules out. I still full-heartedly pull for Alabama.
And then there’s Wally, also a born and raised Alabama fan who actually graduate from Auburn and then *gasp* full-heartedly switched his allegiance to Auburn. As far as I’m concerned, Auburn can have a yellow-bellied fan like that. I mean, there’s education and bettering yourself, and then there’s college football. Come on.
I know for any of you Northerners, all of this may seem odd and extreme to you. But believe me, I do not exaggerate.
Here is something else I’m not exaggerating: Alabama won in Beards-Eaves stadium (finally!) because of me and you can thank me via comments.
I’m at least 85% responsible for the win because, when the going got tough for Bama and the other Bama fans in my house were yelling at my husband (the only Auburn fan in the room) to leave, I decide to do just the opposite of the inbreed ingrained redneck beliefs.
I decided to love that Auburn fan, bless his heart.
When it looked its worse, that Auburn would actually pull off an upset, I got down on the floor with him and snuggled and loved that fan, and just let my heart fill with love for him.
John Lennon said it best: All you need is love.
Or maybe the Bible said it better: Love thy enemy.
Whichever, John Lennon, the Bible, it’s all the same to me.
But yes, I loved the only Auburn fan in the room and do you know what happened after I began that process? No sooner than a commercial time-out, Alabama began their game-winning drive and won the game.
So you Alabama fans and Nick Saban, you’re welcome.
Love is all you need.
Seriously.
Now all I have to do is find a Florida fan, bless their heart, and love them next Saturday during the SEC Championship.
Shit, real quick! Everyone email me with Bible and John Lennon quotes! I’m going to need a lot of spiritual help to pull that off. Unless the Florida fan looks something like Stephen Colbert, then it would be pretty easy. (But don’t tell the poor Auburn fan I said that.)
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Thank you.
joeinvegas´s last blog ..Around town
Best line ever: Whichever, John Lennon, the Bible, it’s all the same to me.
=)
pgoodness´s last blog ..Turkey Day in Photos
Sorry – I’m Gator, and I was so rooting for Alabama to lose, just so I can have my marriage put at risk by a UT-UF national championship game.
hokgardner´s last blog ..No "Black Friday" for me
I slept through most of the first half (that early morning craziness got the better of me), but have to say it was an exciting second half, even to me, a dedicated pro fan who’s never cared much about college football. (I am a transplant, after all.)
If it is not Pac 10 football it is not real.
Jack´s last blog ..Americans Toss Out 40 Percent of All Food
As a girl weened on Texas football, I will amend your earlier statement and say that it’s the only religion in the world where you can be an 85 year old grandmother and yell “GODDAMN IT!” or “RUN, MOTHERFUCKER, RUN!” and it’s still acceptable (though someone may, in fact, blink). I was raised with only one real prejudice – against Aggies. Yes, those poor, souls who attend Texas A&M. And thank the Lord, UT beat ‘em yesterday! All is right with the world.
Gretchen´s last blog ..Thanks
I can see acting that way over pro football. I’m a hardcore Steelers fan and always will be. But I just can’t get worked up over college ball.
Lilacspecs´s last blog ..I Thought I Was Pregnant, But It’s Just The Flu
I’m in Utah, and I see similar issues with Utah vs. BYU. As a matter of fact, the first 3 Facebook statuses I read today were in regards to one or the other. Although our cheering is limited to “Goooo Utes”, and “Oh my heck!”. UGH. Maybe that’s why I avoid the entire thing, I could get booted for swearing.
Alas, I don’t care. If pressed though…I’m for the Utes.
Heather´s last blog ..Adventures in Flying
Roll Tide!!! thank you…..
Okay- So I’m a recovering Mormon and I don’t like football but the two are not even remotely related and also I’m a heathen now. But once upon a time I was a good Mormon girl who wouldn’t even french kiss and I memorized all my scripture mastery quotes and I still remember a couple.
This totally grosses me out (anything to do with religion, actually now) And I should probably go put on my special underwear except I’m a bad girl and they’ll probably excommunicate me (if they haven’t already:))
“Whatsoever thing ye shall ask in faith believing that ye shall receive in the name of Christ, ye shall receive it.”
“When ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God.”
And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I awill go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.
And now I have to go and bleach my brain. And drink a martini. And maybe fornicate with my husband.
BTW, I totally miss “living in sin”. It was way more fun to say than “I’m married”.
Lennon’s way better than the B.of M. btw:)
“I believe in everything until it’s disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it’s in your mind. Who’s to say that dreams and nightmares aren’t as real as the here and now? ”
“If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then there’d be peace. ”
“I believe in God, but not as one thing, not as an old man in the sky. I believe that what people call God is something in all of us. I believe that what Jesus and Mohammed and Buddha and all the rest said was right. It’s just that the translations have gone wrong. ”
Dude was smart!
Ariel´s last blog ..Grace in Small Things 18.365
I never knew football was so serious there until this weekend when I was in Orange Beach. Earlier in day, the outlet mall was sooo crowded they had mounted police. No shit, police on horses for Christmas shopping. Then comes game time and EVERYONE clears out. It was like Moses parting the Red Sea.
Then people would randomly ask which team we were for…and honestly, I was scared to open my mouth…afraid to offend someone and get flogged. lol
Dejoni´s last blog ..Why I married my husband
I LOVE Florida, from Panama City to Miami, from Jacksonville to Key West, I love it all. Disney World, KSC, routes 10, 75, 95 and 5, giant man eating bugs to man eating reptiles, humidity thick enough to make your nails sweat. I love it all. Do I qualify as your Florida fan to love? College football??? Oh, I couldn’t give a flying f*ck who wins any college football game. But pro football is a whole different matter.
Oh, I’m a Florida Gator fan, please don’t love me! I get it. I’m from FL. North FL. I’m a Florida alum. And I live in BATON ROUGE. Can you imagine? (actually I’m in grad school at LSU, but that doesn’t make me a tiger!) I am married to a TIGER fan. My UF college roommate married his brother. Talk about insanity. Two mixed marriages. Oh, and I have 3 boys, which includes a set of twins. One twin wears orange & blue proudly with his highly educated mother. The other two boys… well, they went to the dark side w/ dad and don purple and gold. We’re serious about football around here people, so look out- the SEC championship is ON! *Chomp Chomp!!!* I think I might go smear me some Tim Tebow eye-black on right now, just thinking about it!
-Seriously, this post made me totally crack up!! Only other southern football fans really get it.
I feel the EXACT SAME WAY about the USC vs. ucla game. My husband, that dirty rotten bastard of a bruin fan was licking his wounds when the Trojans beat them AGAIN this year.
Much as I love the hubs, I do enjoy his misery when it comes to Football in L.A.
Lynette´s last blog ..In the pink
I’m a little late – just discovered your blog today thanks to a link from somewhere about your LeCreuset haul (me=jealous) – but I have to be THAT PERSON who reminds you (my fellow Auburn grad) that Beard Eaves is the coliseum = basketball; Jordan Hare is the stadium = football. See what the blasphemous act of turning back to Bama after being exposed to the light at Auburn will do to you? HA!
Seriously – love your blog; glad I found it, but War Eagle!