Good Mothers Dress Their Children Accordingly
Posted by Heather in Gifted Children, Quirky Kid Dossier, This Mom GigTell me, would you let your kid wear shorts to school when it’s 40 degrees outside, raining, and will get no warmer than 50?
Maybe my Canadian readers shouldn’t answer that because you hear 50 degrees and think, oh, summer! But down here on the gulf coast where our pits stay sweaty 10 months out the year, that’s cold weather.
Well, I did. I let my kid wear shorts to school today. I expect to be honored as Mother of the Year by the school at any moment.
Truthfully, I didn’t let him wear shorts. I actually forced Payton to wear pants at first, and OH MY GOD, I’M A FUCKING MONSTER.
Dressing for school this morning went a little something like this:
walks into hall and sees son pulling on shorts in his room
“Payton, you are NOT wearing shorts today. It is cold. It will be raining today. Pants.”
“Why, you conniving bitch, you have created an early winter just to torture me!”
“What can I say, your father watched football last night and I got bored, so I conspired with Mother Nature to make your life hell. Now wear pants!”
“I can’t believe I have such an abusive mother! No one cares about me!”
tosses pants from closet to bed for son to put on
“These pants are itchy! They don’t feel right! You have lined them with burlap just to make me suffer!”
“You ungrateful turd! I search high and low for pants that will cause the most discomfort. I drive all over town, to dozens of different stores, just to find pants with the highest capacity of inducing agony.”
“You hate me, Mother!”
“How did you guess?”
Okay, so maybe dressing this morning didn’t go exactly like that. For one thing, I don’t allow my children to cuss. When they start paying taxes they may do so, but not until then.
However, I do drive all over the universe, looking for pants to Payton’s specifications: no zippers, no buttons, all elastic-waist, soft material. That was easy when he was in toddler clothes, more challenging when he was in 4-7 sizes, but downright impossible now that he is in boys sizes 8-20. I break down and pay $25/pair for school pants from Lands’ End because they are the only place I can find them.
And this is the thanks I get.
So the ungrateful turd sentiment isn’t false, I just didn’t say it out loud.
I get a call from the school 10 minutes after I dropped the boys off – with PANTS ON. Payton is in tears from the discomfort of the pants. THE SAME STYLE PANTS HE WORE LAST YEAR, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, ONLY ONE SIZE BIGGER.
My mind begins quickly turning over possible reactions. No one tells you motherhood requires you make many insignificant yet important decisions in less than 15 seconds.
That’s just too damn bad, it’s cold, it’s wet, he wore these same style pants last year, goddamn it, I will win this battle of wills!
But Payton isn’t the type who cries to manipulate people. Not when he can just outsmart and outlast them instead. If he’s crying, he’s truly upset.
But, but! It’s cold! And good mothers dress their children accordingly! What will people think?! Besides, not everything can always go his way.
But what about his sensory issues? I can’t know how he feels, and it is real for him.
Sigh
So I caved and took a pair of shorts up to him. HOWEVER, I made him swap his short sleeve shirt for a long sleeve shirt, and OH MY GOD, I’M A FUCKING MONSTER!
“Why do I have to wear a long sleeve shirt?!”
“Because it’s cold and I’m letting you wear shorts, just wear the long sleeve shirt, okay?”
“But I don’t want to!”
restrains self from pulling out hair because it’s the same goddamn shirt style, same goddamn soft material I ordered from the same goddamn company, only in long sleeves!
“Look, son, let’s compromise. I’m giving you the shorts, you wear the long sleeves, I won’t put ground glass in the casserole tonight, mkay?”
“Well, when you put it like that, I’ll wear it.”
Of course I didn’t really threaten the ground glass, but I did have to butt heads with him to get him to compromise on the long sleeve shirt. The same damn shirt, just with 8 inches more fabric.
I don’t know how I stay sane.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a 2 pm Twitter party scheduled with Mother Nature. Look for hashtags #naturalconsequenceisthebestteacher or #mysonisfreezinghisballsoff,Ihope. Feel free to join in.
Entries (RSS)
And I thought my life was hard. I have to fight with my girl on whether she can wear a dress everyday (she plays like a boy, legs wide open and all) however I have an angel who comprimises. Thanksforasking.
.-= Keyona´s last blog ..Through Her Eyes =-.
I’m with you, life is too damn short to fight with kids over their clothes. If mine get cold because they’re too stubborn to wear long pants or a coat that’s just too bad.
Except socks with sandals, I went to the mat for that one. No son of mine will leave the house looking like a Revenge of the Nerds character.
He went barefoot.
.-= Katy´s last blog ..Thankful =-.
Girls can do it too. My daughter HAS to have every label removed before she will deign to consider wearing clothing – which is a b!tch if the piece of clothing dies after only 1 use because girls clothes are designed that way – you sort of lose the ability to be all chagrin-istic at the shop because clothes without labels will not be refunded…
.-= jeanie´s last blog ..Do you DO mornings? =-.
My daughter refuses to wear pants, no matter the weather. I once resorted to putting her out on the front porch in 29 degrees to prove to her that it was cold. Didn’t work at all. I’ve decided I’m giving up the fight and letting her freeze her butt off and learn the hard way. Good thing we live in central Texas, where it doesn’t freeze all that often.
.-= hokgardner´s last blog ..The best husband EVER =-.
Yikes. Definitely sounds like a challenging day all around. Maybe cocoa this evening will help?
.-= TexasRed´s last blog ..Teaser Tuesday – A Christmas Carol =-.
That’s it! We’re starting a line of clothing for pants that meet a certain criteria at larger sizes. I thought I was the only one!
And every stinkin year the criteria freaking changes. Except for the no zippers, no buttons stuff. Can’t go to the bathroom fast enough I guess. Oy.
.-= Amie aka MammaLoves´s last blog ..No Mammography until 50?! Tell it to Her =-.
My daughter is 4 and she started this shit this past summer. Actually had to have people leave early from a playdate because when it was time to change from her bathing suit to clothes EVERYTHING was too itchy. She’s actually getting a little better now. But we still have our days. Matching is our current issue, but hey at least her outfits make for good blog fodder.
.-= Julie B.´s last blog ..Look alikes =-.
What is it with kids never wanting to wear clothes? I fight with my daughter everyday about wearing a sweater or a jacket. She sobs if I make her wear a skirt over her tight.s It’s exhausting.
.-= the mama bird diaries´s last blog ..the secret of happiness =-.
My son will sit around on freezing winter days on a t-shirt and thin PJ bottoms. His little frozen feet will brush me on the couch, and I will holler at him to GO PUT ON SOCKS. He won’t. It’s like it just means to much to me for him to be warm. And to eat food, and not smell bad.
.-= Lucy Cooper´s last blog ..We’re Done, Wine =-.
Ah, the appropriate clothing fight. I had to give that one up very early on. One child has declared to me out loud that she hates for any of her clothes to match. This led to Fashion Tuesdays periodically on my blog, because DAMN does she mean it.
The other child I had to zip into her PJ’s backwards when she was little to keep them on her, only to find out later that she’d prefer the world to run and at brisk 50 degrees year round, thankyouverymuch. I was torturing my poor child with fleece footed jammies. Later, we’d get the daily tsk tsk from school about her not wearing a jacket outside in winter. After a week of me saying who the hell CARES, as long as she’s not complaining, they finally clued in and left her alone.
Not that you asked for my assvice, but let him wear what he’s comfortable in and screw the judge-y sweater set bunch.
.-= all things BD´s last blog ..Brand New Day, Now With Doughnuts =-.
Couldn’t agree more on so many accounts.
“How do I stay sane?” By the Grace of God, just like me.
“Land’s End.” Yup. I just sign my paychecks over to that place. Where else can you find soft, flannel lined pants, no zippers, no buttons, elastic waisted, size 12 Slim?
I remember when my guy was 4 wks old..that little genius somehow figured out how to pull off his little T-shirt. He only smiled when he was just about bare nekked. And things haven’t changed much since…it’s all just a bigger size.
Maybe Land’s End can offer a QuirklyKid discount. I’m tellin’ ya, if they advertised it that way…women would knock the doors down.
Ha! I can so relate. My daughter has a spaghetti strapped sundress that she puts on every morning before I can get her clothes out. It’s December. We live in New England. Not happening.
.-= lz ´s last blog ..My baby is 5. No, I’m not crying. Much. =-.
I am a baaaadddddd mother. I gave up a few years ago on the shorts fight…and the coat fight for that matter! He is now 13 and I figure if he is cold, he will put more clothes on…it just ain’t worth the fight. I have told him however, that if they school ever calls DFS on me – his next set of parents probably won’t be so nice!
Your amazing. I wouldnt have even made the effort. My son is not allowed to walk out the door with out “appropriate weather” clothes on. But he is my 2nd child. You make all the mistakes with the 1st one. Also I am still at home when he leaves for school. So there is no switching going on in my household. Let me conclude this with, I am the meanest mother around. Just ask my kids!
It is so comforting to me to know that other parents are dealing with this in the morning!! Yet a little disappointing since my son is 4 years old. So what you’re saying is I have many more morning like this to come:
http://laberoflove.blogspot.com/2009/09/turn-me-in-to-social-services.html
Sigh.
.-= Laber of Love´s last blog ..Because of the overpopulation of deer =-.
I feel your pain. My kid wants to wear shorts when it’s cold and pants when it’s hot. I think she does it just to mess with me. I think fondly of the time before she could dress herself and the decisions were all mine…of course that is also the same time when I had to change her diaper…if I had to choose I guess I’d rather she was potty trained than well-dressed. I guess you can’t have it all.
.-= momsmith´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.
I am still wearing shorts and capris. I am not fond of wearing pants, even in the cold. I will wear jeans when they fit me. Yeah, I am still fighting these last 10 lbs from baby number 3.
My daughter wears thick stockings and long sleeves in the middle of the Deep South summer. Sometimes a jacket, too. My son hates to get new shoes, because he doesn’t like change. I had to tell him his new tennis shoes were Batman shoes just so he would put the damn things on. I mean his toes were poking out of the old ones. He, also, has been wearing his jacket everyday, even when it is a perfectly pleasant day.
I have given up fighting. I give one warning about making sure you want to wear what you pick out, because there is no changing mid-stream. Then I am done. The Husband on the other hand wants to fight, because it is not what he would do. I had to explain to him that these kids are their own separate people and sometimes they may be hot or cold when he is not. Or they have worn me down to where I don’t give a shit and am happy to just have everyone dressed when we leave the house.
.-= SoMo´s last blog ..One Day She Will be in Charge of the Dynasty =-.
Oh my God, this is my life too. Well, except I’m in So. California and cold means in the 60s, but still… Every day – “Wear the pants!” “I don’t want the pants!” “Wear the pants!” “I don’t want the pants!” Then the big compromise which is the shorts with a long sleeved sweat shirt.
I actually have a friend whose 10 year old hasn’t worn pants for the past 6 years, except to weddings and bar mitzvahs. I don’t know if this will make you feel better or terrified.
.-= Gretchen´s last blog ..Bourbon, Cigarettes and Jelly =-.
Wow, I never realized the clothing struggle was so huge. I know when I was a teenager I refused to wear button fly jeans. It just didn’t make sense to me when the zipper seems much easier to operate. Actually I didn’t wear jeans for a while either, choosing the more relaxed fit khakis. This was before loose fit jeans.
My daughter is 3 and she loves to dress herself. Every day her drawers are emptied as she tries on different outfits. Well, everything except the itchy pants.
.-= Eric | Eden Journal´s last blog ..The Post Movie High – That good feeling you get after watching a great movie. =-.
It doesn’t matter, why the heck are you fighting it? Just let him wear what he wants and appreciate him for what he is. If he is cold he’ll put more one. Geez, come on, give the poor kid a break. Pick the things that are important and let the things that aren’t go. That’s the hard part, recognizing when to let go.
You are a smart, intelligent, beautiful woman with great kids, lighten up.
.-= joeinvegas´s last blog ..Bohemian pole dancing =-.
Have you considered having his pants custom-made? I’m a seamstress, and could make them for waaaay less than Land’s End prices. Then all his demands could be met and you’d have more time to bake your awesome cookies. even if not me, there’s got to be someone local or on Etsy or something.
.-= Rabbi’s Wife´s last blog ..Living with terrorism. =-.
I nearly wet my pants reading this…
Cause last week THAT WAS ME! But in reverse.
Boo ended up wearing long fleecy pants on a 100+ day. I just looked at his aide and said ‘Yep. There are shorts in his bag’
Change of season kills me. FUCKING KILLS ME!
Sounds just like our conversations.. without the cussing, that is
Yes.. my kids BOTH wear shorts/skirts or short sleeved tees in our FREEZING (37 to 50 degree) weather
i TRY so hard to get them to dress appropriately but, I justify it!!!! I’m teaching them about responsibility and consequences.. right? RIGHT!?