Today I have a guest poster filling in for me during this incredibly busy time of year. I hope you’ll make him welcome since he is a very special friend whose face magically appears on homemade bread only during the holidays. Thank you, St. Pimento Cheesus!

His Holeyness, St. Pimento Cheesus

Hello, hello, I am His Holeyness, St. Pimento Cheesus, patron saint of all people who do not lower themselves by eating disgusting store-bought pimento cheese but make their own from scratch. Heather is one of my favorite people. Bless her heart, she makes her homemade pimento cheese in a MINI food processor because she doesn’t have a regular size one. Such a fantastic homemaking martyr!

And her martyrdom grows by leaps and bounds, despite others trying to intervene on her behalf.

Remember she told you of her hatred of ironing? And how her husband offered to do the ironing? Well, guess what happened?! When her husband attempted to do the ironing, he “accidentally” burned his hand on the iron and then her youngest son knocked the iron off the board and melted the carpet.

Spiritual lesson to be learned here: Buy Heather a new fucking dryer, husband.

Now that Heather is distracted with making yet another batch of fudge and is no longer standing over my shoulder telling me what spiritual “lessons” to teach people, let’s put aside the quasi-martyrdom and get positively holey.

St. Pimento Cheesus, Now Speaking Without Duress

Though this season is dubbed the most wonderful time of the year, I, St. Pimento Cheesus, can understand how it doesn’t always feel so. Too many obligations, too many things to do, children on school vacation driving you crazy, so much commercialism. (Though if you’ve done your part this season to help stimulate our economy, I offer special cheesy blessings just for you.)

What I have found that helps me when I’m feeling anti-Christmas is a little perspective.

First, start off with a little humor to lighten your mood. Please read about this dildo helmet, just for holiday shits and giggles.

Then, for a fresh perspective on compassion and humanity, please read this.

And for a fresh perspective on hope, faith and the power of human spirit, please read this.

In all my holeyness, I could expound upon these things with my own words, but why do that when others have said it so well. But I will say this:

Be merry.

And bright.

(and do you know what makes the season even brighter? Holy communion wine!)

And remember, dear housewife blog martyrs big and small…

Live between the lines.

Have a happy holiday.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009 at 12:31 pm and is filed under Royal Holiday. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.