Things I Discovered About Le Creuset. But Screw That.
Posted by Heather in UncategorizedI’ve only had my Le Creuset two days and already I am a wiser and more accomplished cook.
And this is where I was going to write about one of those awesome numerical posts, detailing exactly what I’ve learned about Le Creuset in just two days. But screw that shit, I have a national emergency here.
I HAVE LOST MY WEDDING RING.
My large-and-pretty-we-could-never-afford-to-replace-it-now-that-we-have-children-and-a-mortgage wedding ring.
Is 9 am too early for a glass of Mad Housewife merlot?
I can’t even remember when I took them off. I vaguely remember taking them off last night to put on lotion, placing my rings on the kitchen counter, FAR AWAY from the kitchen sink. But the memory is so fuzzy. And it’s winter, so I’ve taken my rings off a hundred times for lotion, am I even remembering the right day?
I also vaguely remember a clinking sound while in the kitchen last night, like something falling. I think? Where was I? I’m not even sure! The kitchen? (Boy, this convinces me to stop cooking with wine!) I can remember looking down at the floor, wondering what that was, but not seeing anything that caught my eye. WAS THAT MY RING? OMFG!?
So I spent about 30 minutes in utter terror that my rings went down the kitchen drain. Then I got smart, grabbed another one of my rings and tried to make it go down the kitchen drain. The drain holes are too small. Or it really pays to have meaty fingers, whichever, I don’t care. What a relief that my rings couldn’t have gone down the drain.
And just then, I started to thank God for that miracle, but now I’m wondering if I should be mad at God. Is this punishment for me bragging about my Le Creuset steal and using it as proof God loves me?
Right now I’m convinced God wants to keep me humble and Le Creuset was actually a gift from the devil.
I’ve ransacked my room in search of my rings. I pulled out the couch cushions and dug through the cracks, finding enough whale cracker crumbs to cover snack time in Parker’s class. But no ring.
I went through my pants and jacket pockets of the clothes I wore yesterday, and even the clothes I thought about wearing but can’t because I gained four pounds over Christmas. As if my rings would magically insert themselves into the pocket of my skinny jeans. This is desperation setting in.
I looked under my buffet table in the kitchen. Under the cabinets, behind the boys’ backpack stations. I’m about to get out the screwdriver and look under the dishwasher and then brave the army of dust bunnies under the fridge and look there.
I even got out my son’s metal detector (yay for smart, nerdy kids!) but the thing beeps at every damn thing.
I suppose I also need to dig through the kitchen trash, in case my rings got swept up in a mountain of school papers as they went into the trash. Damn kids and their fucking education, always screwing shit up!
Is it expecting too much for Wally to rush home from work to help me find my wedding rings? I can’t believe I have to deal with this travesty alone because he has a job. What the hell?
Fuck, I can’t take this anymore. I would make promises to God that I will never ever ever put my rings anywhere again but in their proper place, even for lotion! But I’m mad at God right now.
Instead, I’m going to knock myself unconscious and spend the rest of the day in oblivion.
UPDATE!
I found my rings. You may now proceed with your own lives.
I found them in the strangest place, and you people will either think I’m really stupid, or really crazy. Or maybe you’ll believe me, and if so, that makes you my most favorite reader.
They were in the pocket of the jeans I’m wearing. But I SWEAR upon all that is holy, such as a bottle of Kettle One, I checked my pockets several times and they weren’t in there.
My boss called me after she read my post and got me to calm down, walked me through a meditation, and less than 5 minutes later the rings appeared in my pocket. I say ‘appeared’ because, I’m telling you, they were not in my pocket before that.
Weird, huh? Especially since I joked about my rings magically appearing in my skinny jeans and that’s exactly what they did. Except not in the skinny jeans, which is really thoughtful of my rings because it’ll be 4 weeks before I wear those again.
Now if I could just meditate a winning lottery ticket in my jeans pocket, that would be great.
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First thing you must know about Le Crueset is that if you have an electric range you MUST buy a diffuser. While gas ranges are perfectly safe, the electric coils directly on the bottom of Le Crueset will damage the enamel inside of your pots. I lost thousands of dollars worth of pots and dutch ovens when we moved to a house with electric, and that is what the customer service rep told me.
Now! have a cup of tea and calm down before searching for your rings again. You know they are in the house and that’s half the battle. My guess is someone moved them for you and will remember when you ask. keep us posted.
Joie´s last blog ..Merry Christsmas From Auntie Martha, Cousin Snoop and Me
Ok. Disclaimer: this may be the nuttiest idea you’ve heard, but give it a chance. When I lose something, I try first to retrace my steps, which you’ve already done. After I’ve exhausted that, and gone through the trash, I give my subconcious a chance. If by tonight you haven’t found the rings, before you go to bed, give yourself 10 minutes of utter quiet, close your eyes and visualize everything you can remember yourself doing leading up to and surrounding the last time you touched your rings. Tell yourself you WILL remember where they are and go to sleep. Crazy as it sounds, I have found things this way, including an engagement ring way when. Fingers crossed you find them asap.
Tanya´s last blog ..The Poem that Took the Place of a Mountain — by Wallace Stevens
Oh, please tell me that you have your wedding ring on a separate rider on your homeowners/renters insurance? Please, please, please?!
NGS´s last blog ..45 x 365 #272
ok, where did you put the rings? I’m a junior Sherlock Holmes, you know.
And why is your memory about last night so fuzzy?
I assume that you already accused Wally and the boys?
Marinka´s last blog ..Fake My Blog!
The good news is you have NOT left the house since you lost the ring…so you will find it. Well at least that you remember now. How much did you actually sip on last night?
Seriously ask St. Anthony he will help you find anything. I am not even catholic and the list of stuff he has helped me find is too long to share I PROMISE ask him it works!
alyssa´s last blog ..To Register or Not To Register….
Ok- I have lived this day dream night mare, Mine ended up under the edge of the kitchen counter on the floor! I know this is some scary SHIT!!! SOOOO I went out and bought 2-3 little wooden celtic boxes with a little latches on the front, so when I do clean with products,use lotion or any other reason I automatcially put them in there, even my husband puts his in there when eats too much salt and his fingers swell or when he cooks!!!!!
Look under the stove and fridge. I’m always amazed at the crap that can end up under mine!
I hope you find them. You will. They are there SOMEWHERE! I know & hate the panic of losing/misplacing things. My son is awful about it too. He gets anxiety attacks when he misplaces something.
I’ll be checking back in for a report that you found your rings!
(A little story – I have a little silver dish next to the kitchen sink that I put mine in. The one time I couldn’t find my ring I was pg with my now 5 year old DD. Turns out FG took it and had a big fat new diamond put in it and was simply taking advantage of the fact I had pudgy fingers and couldn’t get my ring on anymore. Maybe Wally is surprising you. That was for my 10th anniversary. Any milestones coming up?)
A Mom Anonymous´s last blog ..10 Things for 2010
Oh shit, that sucks. I hope you find them.
Lilacspecs´s last blog ..American Veg-out
Don’t let anything leave the house without searching through it!
You haven’t been mixing cement for Ricky and Fred to use to build a barbecue pit, have you? Cause if so, you and Ethel will have to take it apart and search through several gallons of sticky cement. Oh wait, that’s was an I Love Lucy episode.
My mother in law would tell you that you have to say a prayer to St. Anthony (the patron saint of lost things), walk around the dining room table 3 times then spit over your left shoulder. It’s worth a try.
Gretchen´s last blog ..RTT: Hollywood Schmollywood
I really hope you find them soon. I am sure you will. These things turn up in unexpected places. Like the brand new Ipod shuffle my husband lost 18 months ago “while walking to the car from work”. I cut the bottom out of the couch last week looking for the three lost Apple TV remotes, and there it was!
Sophie, Inzaburbs´s last blog ..I’m Not Always This Graceful and Elegant
I agree with Tanya, that always works for me as well.
Also, do you have floor vents in your kitchen? It could have also fallen down there…Not to add more panic to your life or anything.
jenni´s last blog ..Polish Arm Warmers and Writing Class
Wow. I am sure they will turn up soon. At least your weren’t totally blasted like I was when I hid hubby’s ring one time. We even shopped for a new one. Then I found it in the big mug that holds darts in the game room. Whew. That is what happens when you drink too much and get angry.
They’ve got to be there somewhere… what about your purse? Camera Bag? Laptop Case? What did you play with yesterday?
Melizzard´s last blog ..You can’t thumb wrestle a cat, but don’t tell her that..
Your Le Creuset find was awesome!
Do you have heating/AC register vents in the floor? Check those, I once lost my earring down one. Hope you find them quickly, and it’s never to early for wine. Just count it as part of your daily fruit intake.
i once lost a very very important ring…and 3 years later i randomly found it inside a vase. i still have no idea how it got in there
Biddy´s last blog ..An Open Letter To Anyone With My Phone Number…
The pull of a good thrift story got me over here.
I refuse to believe in thrift-score backlash.
Anyway, this is perfect Twilight Zone 80’s remake material.
Ann’s Rants´s last blog ..McSweeney’s
Hey, maybe it would be good karma to give the Le Creuset to a beloved friend. You know, just until the rings show up.
Marinka´s last blog ..Fake My Blog!
Do you think your boss could meditate on my class ring? It’s gone missing, and since we’ve moved house since I last saw it, I think it may have gotten lost in the move.
Lynn´s last blog ..Institute of Children’s Literature and Book Signing in VA
I’m really glad I didn’t read this until after the update was posted. I lost one of my diamond stud earrings a few years ago, so I know the trauma, and it would have been even worse to have lost my wedding ring. Your boss rocks.
Sooo happy you found your rings. Although, I was pulling Mom Anonymous’s idea that hubby might be surprising you with an upgrade. …and I’m guessing now the Le Creuset demons have left the building.
Tanya´s last blog ..The Poem that Took the Place of a Mountain — by Wallace Stevens
i’m also glad i read this after you updated it! whew. i HATE losing stuff! and i’d like to know what meditation you did so diamond rings could appear in my pocket too!
Wendy´s last blog ..Who asked you?!
I’m glad they’re found. I would have told you to look in the fridge, since I often find all kinds of weird things in there. But your pockets are much easier and more sane. Even so, Marinka’s idea is not a bad one: perhaps donate a pot to a friend to appease the karma gods?
MommyTime´s last blog ..Finding Fairyland
PS I’m sure Marinka would adore one of the bean pots.
MommyTime´s last blog ..Finding Fairyland
I’m so glad you found them. I got to read your post after the PS OH THANK THE GODS I FOUND THEM part.
I never take my ring off. Ever. My hubby lectured me ages ago about the sheets wearing the posts down…I don’t care. And my God blessed me with fingers that don’t swell…in exchange for an ass that has.
I also run the electric toothbrush over it after I brush my teeth in the morning, which sounds gross, but it keeps off the lotion build-up and whitening toothpaste does wonders for the brightness of the ring.
Heather (qtberryhead)´s last blog ..I Think Your Teapot’s Sexy
As someone who too enjoys her wine, has kids and is apparently losing her short term memory I can COMPLETELY relate! So glad you found it, such a gorgeous ring!
don’t you know that the rings most definitely were NOT in your jeans when you looked before? the blue people — you know, the ones who set the scene — hadn’t put them in there yet.
don’t judge me! this is a documental fact.
the planet of janet´s last blog ..The glass is half full
You have a backpack station? Can you post a picture? How might I also carve out this magical thing, which sounds so superior to my current situation that involves the boys dropping them in front of the bar? Blocking my path to the vodka.
amy2boys´s last blog ..A Resolve
AND ALSO. Insure those suckers! My wedding rings, and the rings I wear on my right hand which were my husband’s grandmother’s wedding rings – all insured to max.
If I lost the antique grandmother rings I would just die regardless, to be honest. But my wedding set – if it goes missing I’m cashing and upgrading baby.
amy2boys´s last blog ..A Resolve
I’ll have to join Marinka, and suggest that you divide the le Crouset to appease the gods so it doesn’t happen again. Perhaps one of the big Dutch ovens should be sent to Las Vegas, to make peace with the god of gambling. I would be happy to give it to him.
joeinvegas´s last blog ..New Years in Nevada
Holy Crap!!! I figured you would find those rings SOMEWHERE, eventually, but then read the update. Even while rushing through my brain, trying to figure out where you could have put them so I could save the day, I never thought of your own freaking jean pockets!!! But hey, at least you found them, and at least you have a boss that gives a flying F&ck, right???
But yea! You found your rings!
Glad you found your beloved rings. If you do manage to create a winning lottery ticket in the pocket of your skinny jeans (or anywhere else), be sure not to blog about it– a guy in Florida is feared murdered for his winning ticket! So no amount of Creuset (real, fake, used by Julia C herself) would appease the whackjob that would take you out for that. Happy new year– I’m looking forward to more milk coming out of my nose reading your blog in the coming year!
Are you sure you haven’t been taking lessons in how to look in things from the boys or Wally? All that “y” chromosome could be rubbing off. Seriously though, jean pockets are tricky like that – I check pockets EVERY time before I wash clothes and stuff STILL finds its way out of pockets into the washing machine.
So glad you found them. Are your rings insured?
the mama bird diaries´s last blog ..desperate and willing to bowl
Happy for you, sad for me. I lost my rings last April, and haven’t been able to find them since. No way they’re ever getting replaced.
Ever.
I’m going to go check the pockets of my skinny jeans now…miracles can happen.
Your boss is awesome. I’m so glad. And now I’ll be rude and comment on the closed post here. It’s really incredible.
anymommy´s last blog ..Secret Garden
Glad you found the rings! Not a good way to start the New Year.
But on to important things: What did you cook with the Le Creuset? I love mine. . .
I don’t think I’ve ever commented before, but just wanted to tell you how much I love your blog: your voice, your sense of humor, your honesty, your Le Crueset, everything. Thanks for putting it out there.
Being a blog writer myself, I really appreciate the time you took in wriitng this article. I am currently reading it on my Blackberry and will scan it once I get home.