Comments on: The Dwindling of a Fearful Mother http://queenofshakeshake.com/2010/01/12/the-dwindling-of-a-fearful-mother-i-hope/ Sat, 31 Jul 2010 11:25:43 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: cookiesmom http://queenofshakeshake.com/2010/01/12/the-dwindling-of-a-fearful-mother-i-hope/comment-page-1/#comment-13885 cookiesmom Sun, 17 Jan 2010 16:45:44 +0000 http://queenofshakeshake.com/?p=2691#comment-13885 Heather, I have a Payton and his name is Chandler. He is 19 years old. I cried many Friday nights when all the kids in his school including his cousin who is the same age, were going to parties, and the movies in Middle and High School, and Chandler was up in his room. He was watching TV shows on Ancient Egypt or something similar. I cried when he told me that he would go to the library in Middle School and High School, during lunch because he had nobody to sit with. I cried....etc, etc. Now I am so proud of this young man who is the sweetest, most caring young man, who is newly diagnosed with Aspergers, because he needed to find answers why he does things a certain way, or why he is a little different. He saw the characteristics of Aspergers's on a website and he was so excited. I asked him why and he said that things make sense to him now. He asked me to take him to see if he did in fact have Asperger's. After testing it was confirmed. He embraces it. He told me in jest. "You always knew I was an ASs, and now you have your proof". He is in College doing well and a happy and well adjusted kid. No, he doesn't go out and he is still alone most of the time in his room, but now that he's older, we talk and he tells me he is quite happy and prefers to be alone. When Chan was Peyton's age I worried all the time. I fretted and tried to see the future and shame on me, but the way I saw it, Chan's future was not happy and fulfilled, unless HE changed. I did not give him the benefit of the doubt. How happy I am to have been proven wrong. I just want you to know what a 19 year old has said about his own life and to let you know, you have to do for Peyton the way you see fit. You need to fight for him. I have always felt that by being able to be Chandler's mom, God gave me a tremendous gift. I thank Him for allowing me to see the world through Chan's eyes. Best of luck to you and Peyton. I'm sure he'll grow up to be a success in his own eyes and that is really all that matters Heather,
I have a Payton and his name is Chandler. He is 19 years old. I cried many Friday nights when all the kids in his school including his cousin who is the same age, were going to parties, and the movies in Middle and High School, and Chandler was up in his room. He was watching TV shows on Ancient Egypt or something similar. I cried when he told me that he would go to the library in Middle School and High School, during lunch because he had nobody to sit with. I cried….etc, etc.
Now I am so proud of this young man who is the sweetest, most caring young man, who is newly diagnosed with Aspergers, because he needed to find answers why he does things a certain way, or why he is a little different. He saw the characteristics of Aspergers’s on a website and he was so excited. I asked him why and he said that things make sense to him now. He asked me to take him to see if he did in fact have Asperger’s. After testing it was confirmed. He embraces it. He told me in jest. “You always knew I was an ASs, and now you have your proof”. He is in College doing well and a happy and well adjusted kid. No, he doesn’t go out and he is still alone most of the time in his room, but now that he’s older, we talk and he tells me he is quite happy and prefers to be alone.
When Chan was Peyton’s age I worried all the time. I fretted and tried to see the future and shame on me, but the way I saw it, Chan’s future was not happy and fulfilled, unless HE changed. I did not give him the benefit of the doubt. How happy I am to have been proven wrong.
I just want you to know what a 19 year old has said about his own life and to let you know, you have to do for Peyton the way you see fit. You need to fight for him. I have always felt that by being able to be Chandler’s mom, God gave me a tremendous gift. I thank Him for allowing me to see the world through Chan’s eyes. Best of luck to you and Peyton. I’m sure he’ll grow up to be a success in his own eyes and that is really all that matters

]]> By: Tanya http://queenofshakeshake.com/2010/01/12/the-dwindling-of-a-fearful-mother-i-hope/comment-page-1/#comment-13880 Tanya Sat, 16 Jan 2010 13:23:04 +0000 http://queenofshakeshake.com/?p=2691#comment-13880 Was a gifted kid and have one. You know what? Gifted just means God installed a better mind in his head. Like a computer, garbage in is garbage out. From what I read in your blog, you are doing a WONDERFUL job of nurturing his interests. Darlin, that's all you can do. When he opens a door, walk in, look around and be involved...which you are doing. A friend from school posted this the other day, "NOW we learn there is no correlation between IQ and competence." My reply: "Everyone in our gifted class knew that, sheesh." A good majority of people I knew then floundered. I struggled too. Eventually, I caught my groove. YOUR interest in him is POWERFUL. It's FUEL for his FIRE. Please try not to be discouraged as he changes. In fact, it's normal for a gifted child to be intensely interested in a subject, then hard shift into something else with the same zeal. It isn't the same as quitting. For all the wonders of having a great mind, there's dysfunction that accompany it. Your attention and support are powerful mojo for that. God planned him perfectly and you for him. You're both blessed. Just keep pouring all that good love into him. You rock!! .-= Tanya´s last blog ..<a href="http://ennuigo.wordpress.com/2010/01/16/mornings-at-blackwater-%E2%80%94-by-mary-oliver/" rel="nofollow">Mornings at Blackwater — by Mary Oliver</a> =-. Was a gifted kid and have one. You know what? Gifted just means God installed a better mind in his head. Like a computer, garbage in is garbage out. From what I read in your blog, you are doing a WONDERFUL job of nurturing his interests. Darlin, that’s all you can do. When he opens a door, walk in, look around and be involved…which you are doing.

A friend from school posted this the other day, “NOW we learn there is no correlation between IQ and competence.” My reply: “Everyone in our gifted class knew that, sheesh.” A good majority of people I knew then floundered. I struggled too. Eventually, I caught my groove.

YOUR interest in him is POWERFUL. It’s FUEL for his FIRE. Please try not to be discouraged as he changes. In fact, it’s normal for a gifted child to be intensely interested in a subject, then hard shift into something else with the same zeal. It isn’t the same as quitting. For all the wonders of having a great mind, there’s dysfunction that accompany it. Your attention and support are powerful mojo for that.

God planned him perfectly and you for him. You’re both blessed. Just keep pouring all that good love into him. You rock!!
.-= Tanya´s last blog ..Mornings at Blackwater — by Mary Oliver =-.

]]> By: Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo http://queenofshakeshake.com/2010/01/12/the-dwindling-of-a-fearful-mother-i-hope/comment-page-1/#comment-13854 Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo Thu, 14 Jan 2010 10:50:57 +0000 http://queenofshakeshake.com/?p=2691#comment-13854 I personally believe that Giftedness is on the end of the Autism Spectrum. I have 3 gifted children. One with Aspergers. One with mod/severe Autism and one with terminal Emo bitchness. All gifted kids that I know show some Autism traits. Hell, EVERYONE shows Autism traits if you look hard enough. You are doing a freaking awesome job at raising that boy. I KNOW that. About time you starting realising that too. MWAH I personally believe that Giftedness is on the end of the Autism Spectrum.
I have 3 gifted children. One with Aspergers. One with mod/severe Autism and one with terminal Emo bitchness.

All gifted kids that I know show some Autism traits. Hell, EVERYONE shows Autism traits if you look hard enough.

You are doing a freaking awesome job at raising that boy. I KNOW that. About time you starting realising that too.

MWAH

]]> By: Honor http://queenofshakeshake.com/2010/01/12/the-dwindling-of-a-fearful-mother-i-hope/comment-page-1/#comment-13853 Honor Thu, 14 Jan 2010 04:58:20 +0000 http://queenofshakeshake.com/?p=2691#comment-13853 I honestly don't think parents ever stop worrying or being afraid. Of course, as our children grow and change, so do our worries. My youngest son (age 12) angers easily, and when he's angry, it's written all over his face. We've been working for the last few years to teach him to get ahold of his anger and be able to control his actions and his words, and until now, he's done ok, with no incidents outside the home to speak of. But my biggest fear is that he'll get angry and say or do something that will impact his education/career/relationships. I worry that the anger is what people will see and remember, not the sweet, caring, thoughtful, smart, eager-to-please boy I know. I think we all label our children, but those labels are only a part of who they ultimately will be - our support, encouragement, and belief in them will give them the strength to make their own way and their own labels. I think you're doing great! I honestly don’t think parents ever stop worrying or being afraid. Of course, as our children grow and change, so do our worries. My youngest son (age 12) angers easily, and when he’s angry, it’s written all over his face. We’ve been working for the last few years to teach him to get ahold of his anger and be able to control his actions and his words, and until now, he’s done ok, with no incidents outside the home to speak of. But my biggest fear is that he’ll get angry and say or do something that will impact his education/career/relationships. I worry that the anger is what people will see and remember, not the sweet, caring, thoughtful, smart, eager-to-please boy I know. I think we all label our children, but those labels are only a part of who they ultimately will be – our support, encouragement, and belief in them will give them the strength to make their own way and their own labels. I think you’re doing great!

]]> By: anymommy http://queenofshakeshake.com/2010/01/12/the-dwindling-of-a-fearful-mother-i-hope/comment-page-1/#comment-13845 anymommy Wed, 13 Jan 2010 05:32:19 +0000 http://queenofshakeshake.com/?p=2691#comment-13845 I read this with my heart in my throat for you. For all that every mom worries herself sick about, laying awake at 4 a.m. You are an incredible mom, and you are raising incredible boys. .-= anymommy´s last blog ..<a href="http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/IsThereAnyMommyOutThere/~3/7Pm7pIE-rhg/ten-reasons-i-havent-posted-serious.html" rel="nofollow">Ten Reasons I Haven't Posted Serious Stuff Like I Said I Would</a> =-. I read this with my heart in my throat for you. For all that every mom worries herself sick about, laying awake at 4 a.m. You are an incredible mom, and you are raising incredible boys.
.-= anymommy´s last blog ..Ten Reasons I Haven’t Posted Serious Stuff Like I Said I Would =-.

]]> By: mythoughtsonthat http://queenofshakeshake.com/2010/01/12/the-dwindling-of-a-fearful-mother-i-hope/comment-page-1/#comment-13843 mythoughtsonthat Wed, 13 Jan 2010 04:15:11 +0000 http://queenofshakeshake.com/?p=2691#comment-13843 No wise words or advice here- I just wish you peace. .-= mythoughtsonthat´s last blog ..<a href="http://mythoughtsonthat.wordpress.com/2009/12/31/parting-words-to-2009-see-ya/" rel="nofollow">Parting Words To 2009: See Ya!</a> =-. No wise words or advice here- I just wish you peace.
.-= mythoughtsonthat´s last blog ..Parting Words To 2009: See Ya! =-.

]]> By: Janey http://queenofshakeshake.com/2010/01/12/the-dwindling-of-a-fearful-mother-i-hope/comment-page-1/#comment-13841 Janey Wed, 13 Jan 2010 02:26:28 +0000 http://queenofshakeshake.com/?p=2691#comment-13841 How very well said Tracey.. How very well said Tracey..

]]> By: jenni http://queenofshakeshake.com/2010/01/12/the-dwindling-of-a-fearful-mother-i-hope/comment-page-1/#comment-13838 jenni Tue, 12 Jan 2010 23:34:17 +0000 http://queenofshakeshake.com/?p=2691#comment-13838 Wait...I should explain...The deployed airbags and hangovers do NOT coincide. Two separate instances completely. .-= jenni´s last blog ..<a href="http://unapologeticnonsense.blogspot.com/2010/01/arm-warmers-check.html" rel="nofollow">Arm Warmers? Check.</a> =-. Wait…I should explain…The deployed airbags and hangovers do NOT coincide. Two separate instances completely.
.-= jenni´s last blog ..Arm Warmers? Check. =-.

]]> By: jenni http://queenofshakeshake.com/2010/01/12/the-dwindling-of-a-fearful-mother-i-hope/comment-page-1/#comment-13837 jenni Tue, 12 Jan 2010 23:30:00 +0000 http://queenofshakeshake.com/?p=2691#comment-13837 I love how God talks to you through kick-ass cookware and nifty gadgets, when he only talks to me through deployed airbags and hangovers. Your kid is at the age where he's just trying to figure shit out. It's tough enough being a kid and growing up without worrying about all of these newfangled diagnoses, and it's tough enough being a parent who does the worrying for them. But fear not, everything will work out the way it's intended to. You have a healthy child with his whole life ahead of him...Enjoy the journey! .-= jenni´s last blog ..<a href="http://unapologeticnonsense.blogspot.com/2010/01/arm-warmers-check.html" rel="nofollow">Arm Warmers? Check.</a> =-. I love how God talks to you through kick-ass cookware and nifty gadgets, when he only talks to me through deployed airbags and hangovers.
Your kid is at the age where he’s just trying to figure shit out. It’s tough enough being a kid and growing up without worrying about all of these newfangled diagnoses, and it’s tough enough being a parent who does the worrying for them.
But fear not, everything will work out the way it’s intended to. You have a healthy child with his whole life ahead of him…Enjoy the journey!
.-= jenni´s last blog ..Arm Warmers? Check. =-.

]]> By: Tracey http://queenofshakeshake.com/2010/01/12/the-dwindling-of-a-fearful-mother-i-hope/comment-page-1/#comment-13836 Tracey Tue, 12 Jan 2010 23:28:14 +0000 http://queenofshakeshake.com/?p=2691#comment-13836 Hi Heather, I have commented to you before as I have a 13 yr Robert and a 16 yr old Sabrina who are a lot like Payton. Gifted children are an enigma and a breed all to themselves. I don't know you from Adam, but I have followed your blog for almost a year now, and I feel as if I "know" you and your issue that your describe with Payton. He is a square peg that the schools want to put in a round hole - and guess what? It ain't gonna work. I have two square pegs too and Payton doesn't fit in with the other children, because quite frankly, they are beneath him. He is kind, gentle old soul that the other kids just don't get. They don't get him, because he has probably shared knowledge that the others just don't get or are not ready. I say this because I live this and it is possible for Payton to have a social life with other kids, but you may have to seek it out via other avenues where teasing and "mean kids" are not tolerated. I don't know what you have in your area, but I would recommend your YMCA for classes such as sports for fun, the boy scouts, youth groups at a church, our township offers Saturday fun classes that include science, puzzle solving, chess etc - can you check with your Adult Education program? That is the group that offers those classes in our area. We did Science is fun, Math is fun, and a couple of others. There may also be book clubs for kids at your local bookstores. Chances are that he might fit in better at some of those type of activities. Believe me when I say that understand the heartache of watching your kid not have friends. Robert is a loner at 13 in the 8th grade because the others do NOT understand him. I think he is ok, because he has found some things that work for him. He loves the math and science, and has developed a love of music. He plays the Sax in Jazz band, and I have him in guitar lessons. I know this will help once he gets to High School, because the Band tends to have kids that are more tolerant of differences. But trust me when I say to you I am ever watchful and hopeful. Your son is not disordered, the rest of the world just doesn't understand his genius. Your son is the kind of person that will one day fit in just fine at MIT or someplace similar that will embrace his genius. Your son is a future leader of some kind (like a Einstein or a Bill Gates). He will find his place. Our job is to make sure that the Paytons and the Roberts of the world don't give up. The Paytons and the Roberts of the world will lead us to greatness one day. Our job is to make sure that our hearts don't break where they can see our tears. You and Payton are not alone........ Hi Heather, I have commented to you before as I have a 13 yr Robert and a 16 yr old Sabrina who are a lot like Payton. Gifted children are an enigma and a breed all to themselves. I don’t know you from Adam, but I have followed your blog for almost a year now, and I feel as if I “know” you and your issue that your describe with Payton. He is a square peg that the schools want to put in a round hole – and guess what? It ain’t gonna work. I have two square pegs too and Payton doesn’t fit in with the other children, because quite frankly, they are beneath him. He is kind, gentle old soul that the other kids just don’t get. They don’t get him, because he has probably shared knowledge that the others just don’t get or are not ready. I say this because I live this and it is possible for Payton to have a social life with other kids, but you may have to seek it out via other avenues where teasing and “mean kids” are not tolerated. I don’t know what you have in your area, but I would recommend your YMCA for classes such as sports for fun, the boy scouts, youth groups at a church, our township offers Saturday fun classes that include science, puzzle solving, chess etc – can you check with your Adult Education program? That is the group that offers those classes in our area. We did Science is fun, Math is fun, and a couple of others. There may also be book clubs for kids at your local bookstores. Chances are that he might fit in better at some of those type of activities.

Believe me when I say that understand the heartache of watching your kid not have friends. Robert is a loner at 13 in the 8th grade because the others do NOT understand him. I think he is ok, because he has found some things that work for him. He loves the math and science, and has developed a love of music. He plays the Sax in Jazz band, and I have him in guitar lessons. I know this will help once he gets to High School, because the Band tends to have kids that are more tolerant of differences. But trust me when I say to you I am ever watchful and hopeful.

Your son is not disordered, the rest of the world just doesn’t understand his genius. Your son is the kind of person that will one day fit in just fine at MIT or someplace similar that will embrace his genius. Your son is a future leader of some kind (like a Einstein or a Bill Gates). He will find his place. Our job is to make sure that the Paytons and the Roberts of the world don’t give up. The Paytons and the Roberts of the world will lead us to greatness one day. Our job is to make sure that our hearts don’t break where they can see our tears.

You and Payton are not alone……..

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