It’s Mardi Gras. So Who Looks Drunk In This Picture?
Posted by Heather in A Bunch of Nothing
IT’S NOT ME!
Because I’m not.
It’s the seven-year-old. Parker looks drunk.
But he’s not either. Of course! God, should I even have to make that disclaimer?
We’re just unbelievably cold. In fact, it’s so cold that when Parker tried to pull the “pull my finger” joke on me, his face frozen in that awful half-laugh. That’s what happens when you try to pull a fart joke on your mother when it’s 185 degrees below zero.
Our Arctic weekend journey began at 1:30 pm Saturday when we headed out for the Senior Bowl and stood in line (outside!) for an hour just to get on the shuttle to get to the game. All so I could take this really bad picture of Tim Tebow.
I don’t know about you, but I think this Project 52 is off to an awesome start. I’ll probably end up winning an award. But damn, Tebow isn’t even on the field, y’all. That’s him, the blurry #15 standing on the sidelines. And that’s where he stayed the entire time we were there – the whole quarter.
We *almost* had fun at the game. They started the wave and everything! Except my ass was frozen to the metal bleachers so I couldn’t stand up for it. And I was almost on TV. Except my ass was frozen to the metal bleachers and I couldn’t stand up to be seen by the camera.
It was when Payton started crying from the pain of frozen toes that we knew we had to leave. To cheer ourselves up, we decided to go to Wally’s office and watch the Mardi Gras parade.
Don’t I look cheerful?
No, wait. That’s my “It’s Fucking Cold!” look, not my happy look.
Whoa, this post would have been a lot funnier if I had been drinking. Oh well.
Did you notice anything different in my picture? Let me pull up a Mardi Gras picture from last year to help you compare.
Did you notice that this year I actually have cheek definition? That’s because I’ve lost 8 pounds – THAT NO ONE HAS NOTICED I’VE LOST. Except for Wally. Because he likes to get laid and knows how to sweet talk me.
I guess more people would have noticed I’ve lost 8 pounds if it hadn’t taken me 8 months to do it. But that’s how it goes when you do the 30 Day Shred and still eat like a fucking asshole: You lose one pound a month.
I don’t know how to neatly close up this post. I’m short on time. I have to go up to the school because the question has been raised whether one of my sons has a writing learning disability. Like, my kid may be LD. In Writing. Seriously.
And so I’m going up there to teach my son how to write. As if I know what I’m doing. But hell, I’ve been fooling all you people for three years now! So, maybe.
The End.
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Congrats on the 8lbs. Good luck with the school. I feel your pain. It is tough.
I stared at that football picture for too long, thinking “great, now my vision is getting blurry” before I read the disclaimer that the photo is blurry. Project 52 is off to a great start!
Marinka´s last blog ..Happy Anniversary!
You look awesome. I can tell you’ve lost weight!
I just started doing the Shred and I kind of hate it but in a good way. Yesterday I ate a half a bag of Fritos scoops with chili so I’m thinking I’ll be in the lose a pound a month club, too.
p.s. I will gladly send you some of our snow from this weekend…am about to GO STIR CRAZY WITH THE OLDEST GIRL CHILD! We must have school tomorrow. GAH
Jamie´s last blog ..The Big Chill
Is that an Oregon helmet I see?
And I would have said you’ve lost 9 pounds. Those cheekbones are POINTY.
Wendi´s last blog ..Jack, What Are You Doing Out of Bed?
DAMN woman you looked frozed stiff! I bet the girls at Mardi Gra looked like they could have used Madonnas cone bra!!!! HA HA a bit nippley hey??? ha ha
I’m sure there’s a negative pounds joke I could make that would go with a negative temperature reading, only I can’t think of it. Actually, that doesn’t sound that funny. So, hmmm, I guess I’ll just stick with sincere: good for you and congratulations! That is precisely how much I wanted to lose as of yesterday morning. As of this morning, I’ve had to up it to 10, due to inordinate feasting at a dinner-party last night. So, you are now my role model: I like any model that can lose weight while inordinately feasting!
MommyTime´s last blog ..The Great February Shape Up: Who’s In?
Oh my GAWD Heather! Have you lost weight? Like um 8lbs. I totally think you lost 8lbs. You did didn’t you! LOL!
Keyona´s last blog ..How I Survived The Weekend Without A Telephone
Poor thing…you are not dressed near enough for that kind of weather. Come to Wisconsin, we’ll show you how it’s done.
Good luck with the meeting…and please let us know what turns out…
Hello, heather. Have been thinking about you and meaning to get here and then a tweet reminded me at the right time and place. Now, will we be able to resist the free little debbie’s in every flavor. there’s a picture taken of me last year…with no cheekbones.
Leisa Hammett´s last blog ..Winter Gratitude
Definite cheek definition.
Gretchen´s last blog ..Proof I Have Officially Become An Old Maw-Maw
Don’t even go there with the whole “I’m cold thing.” It’s 15 degrees right now and snowing,which taking into consideration this past week, it’s a freaking heat wave because last week it was too cold to snow. That’s right. TOO COLD TO SNOW.
Welcome to my own personal hell.
jenni´s last blog ..Why I Love Being An American (Because I can get away with shit like this)
YEAH for 8 pounds! I’ve lost some in the last couple weeks and hit double digits, so I dropped that nugget of awesome on my boys and husband last night while we were eating dinner, expecting ticker tape to rain from the sky and my husband to hoist me – still have to hoist, not just lift – upon his shoulders or, short of that, say GOOD JOB, LADY!
But nope. They stared at me. Then they resumed eating. So I made them stop and cheer and give me thumbs up. Then I cursed them and ate some M&Ms.
foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)´s last blog ..one little boy, one little man
I think you are off to a wonderful start. Great photos. I have to thought about par taking in this “project”. Only problem is, I always forget to take the damn photos off my digital camera. BTW, You look great. 8lbs or not.
SoccerMom´s last blog ..Open up your mouth and say ahhhhhhhh
great job on the 8lbs. that’s like, what? ALMOST one of your babies at birth.
actually, when you asked what we noticed, i WAS thinking you lost some weight. but then, you were all bundled up and i just didn’t have the confidence to shout it OUT LOUD. man, i shoulda!
you look good.
now go warm up.
(and, um, pardon all my emphasis caps here). oops!
mpotter´s last blog ..language
Um, you never explained how he got so many beads last year. (I still have that case full for you)
joeinvegas´s last blog ..Nice week