It’s Monday and I have been around people of the male gender almost constantly for nine days straight. Someone please help de-testosterone my body by sending estrogen, perhaps a little Premarin. Though I would prefer bio-identical hormones over pregnant horse piss, beggars can’t be choosers.
I swear to God, if there is one thing about men that could make me turn lesbian it’s the length of time they spend in the bathroom.
As a result of such non-stop exposure to skid marks, ball-scratching and burping, my brain is somewhat mushy. It’s difficult for me to form coherent much less witty thoughts.
However, I did hear on the radio the other day that consumer inflation has remained steady over the past 25 years, if you exclude food and energy prices.
So for those of us who do not need to eat and live in a cave lit by pine torches and still get from tribe meeting to tribe meeting via a horse, we are doing great!
Don’t you love good news?!
Now for a bit of bad news. Girl Scout cookies are out, if you didn’t know already. Personally I’m bombarded with requests to buy them every where I go but perhaps you have escaped the stalkers. Lucky you.
What I find perplexing is how excited people get when the cookies come out. Have these people tasted the cookies? They aren’t good. I know because I guilted myself into buying a box of Samoas from a friend’s daughter and ate the entire box. I kept eating one after another, waiting for that moment of gastronomic bliss, for the flavor to explode in my mouth, because surely this is what gets people excited about these cookies?
It never happened. Unless you count the taste of cheap chocolate as gastronomic bliss, which I don’t.
I wonder, the next time I’m asked to buy cookies from a Troop sitting outside of Wal-Mart’s doors, can I be completely honest and tell them I don’t want to buy the cookies because they taste like crap?
Next year when I’m asked by friends to buy cookies from their daughters, can I tell them I don’t want to because they taste like crap?
How do you escape the Girl Scout Cookie trap?!?
I think the reason people get excited about Girl Scout cookies is because they can’t escape the trap and in order to preserve their ego, they convince themselves they want the cookies.
I’m determined to escape the trap next year. If only I knew how…
Entries (RSS)
I know no kids of Girl Scout age. It works really well in avoiding the trap. Plus, they don’t hang out in the lobby of our grocery store in the middle of the city. So I honestly would never know that the cookies were out if it weren’t for blog post over blog post like this…I’ll count myself lucky!
.-= NGS´s last blog ..45 x 365 #309 =-.
Just tell them you are on a strict diet or are diabetic and can’t eat them. That ought to work.
I was the cookie mom last year. Imagaine that. My laundry room was filled with dozens of boxes of GS cookies. Escape that.
.-= Keyona´s last blog ..Have You Seen A Happier Kid? =-.
You are so right…Girl Scout cookies do suck. They have some new caramel kind this year that is truly disgusting. It’s to the point that it’s politically incorrect NOT to like them, because look at the hard working little girls standing in the freezing cold pushing boxes to strangers outside the grocery store! Poor kids!
I personally hate the whole cookie selling bullshit, mainly because when I was a Girl Scout I was the only girl who’s parents wouldn’t take the stupid order form to work – I had to sell all those freaking cookies MYSELF. And I never won any of the stupid contests because I was doing all the work MYSELF.
.-= heather´s last blog ..free spirit =-.
I haven’t noticed many Girl Scouts selling cookies in our area. I know they are out there. I pass their office on the way to the grocery store. I hear other moms bitching about having to sell the cookies. Maybe I smell? Oh well, no big deal. I do like the Thin Mints, but won’t die without them.
.-= SoMo´s last blog ..Our Mardi Gras =-.
Buy one box and keep it forever (the shit never goes bad… what does that tell you about how they taste?). Then, whenever it’s “cookie season”, pull out that box have it with you whenever you sense the presence of evil — I mean, the presence of a GS peddling cookies.
“See, look! I already got a box! Sorry!”
Works like a charm. Or, uh, so I’ve heard. From a friend. Honest.
.-= Intrepid Eddie´s last blog ..From Brooding to Beer Fest =-.
Were those just the three guys in your house, or have you been with ‘other’ men? (if so, how can I get on the list?) I hope it’s not hubs teaching the boys those things, men can do better if raised properly (or if they take it upon themselves to be thoughtful).
As for cookies, yes, bake your own and avoid those expensive waxy tastless things.
.-= joeinvegas´s last blog ..Santana =-.
please please please have your flip camera when you tell the girls scouts their cookies taste like crap. I really want to see that.
Thanks for the tip! I know now I must skip church and grocery shopping for the next several weeks to miss the hordes of Girl Scouts I encounter both places. I decline, but I always feel guilty. However, if I DO get caught this year, I’m just going to tell them I must pay for my house this month and not for the 8 cookies in one of the damn boxes.
.-= foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)´s last blog ..hey kids! i’ve got a question for you! =-.
i buy gs cookies from our neighbor’s daughter. she’s sweet and my 5 y.o. converses with her, so i feel inclined to purchase cookies from her. i know they are horrible and will go straight to my ass and thighs, but i have a soft spot for these girls since i used to be just like them going door to door, and standing out in the cold in front of stores selling boxes to earn badges and prizes. when she rang the doorbell this year, i tried to hide but my son went to the door, moved the curtain and shouted, “Mama, der’s a gurl at da door wis her mom.” i ordered 7 boxes this year. i know, horrible. i always get thin mints and samoas. i’m a sucker. take care.
.-= kiki´s last blog ..Meatloaf – Not a Post About the Singer =-.
I don’t much care for GS cookies either. I’ve managed to avoid scouts at the grocery store (I go in the side entrance anytway), but they’ve been by my house twice, and have left small slips of paper with their phone number and email address should I wish to get in contact with them. Ugh. However, if you want to support GS but not have the cookies, you can buy a box and have it sent to troops overseas. That’s what I usually end up doing if I get cornered.
But have you tried the shortbreads, and the lemon cremes?
I really love those. Straight from the freezer, dunked in hot coffee.
I really do.
I’ve learned to say, “Here is $5. It’s a cash donation. Please no cookies/candybars/candles/socks.”
.-= kimmie´s last blog ..I AM Stitching =-.
NOOOOOOO, I love girl scout cookies. I bought 5 boxes this year. But honestly if they went “away”, it really wouldnt be that big of deal.
Donate $4 to the Girl Scouts at the store instead of buying a box. My daughter’s troop donates cookies to the local food bank. It’s really not about the cookies.
Kim, it would be a great idea for the Girl Scouts to say you can donate them to a food bank, or send them to troops overseas. I’m not sure a lot of people would think about it while their brain wheels are turning, trying to figure out how to say no.
FINALLy someone says it- Girl Scout cookies taste like ass. I have no desire to eat a single one, especially the waxy Thin Mints.
I just lie and say we already bought them. I’m going to Hell where I’ll be forced to eat Girl Scout cookies for all eternity.
.-= Chris´s last blog ..Oh look- I am posting after all =-.
My husband (the nice one in the family) always says to just give them a buck or two and not buy any cookies. You are right though Heather, the whole time I was thinking ugh, how do I get out of this and past them to get into Walmart.