Quirky Kid Dossier: The Lonely Mother
Posted by Heather in Gifted Children, I'm Deep Like a Marshmallow, Quirky Kid DossierFor those of you who come to my blog for lighthearted humor over marital laundry rules or comebacks to anti-feminist Super Bowl commercials, I’m sorry, this post is not for you. Or maybe it is. Who am I to say you won’t click away from this entry without gaining something from it?
But as I sit down to write this, I’m thinking of the other moms of quirky kids who read my blog; all three or four of you. Or maybe there are more (I hope) of you lurking, which is FINE. (Although my blogging ego loves a comment so if you ever feel inspired to say hey, I’m out here too, go for it.)
I have no other way of connecting to other parents like me than here. Even though I live in a city with a greater area population of more than half a million people, it’s as if I am walking among foreigners, speaking a language they don’t understand.
If I spoke in terms of sensory integration disorder, pervasive development disorder, social impairment, Aspergers, disorder, dysfunction, disorder, disorder, I would speak a language recognized by many different support groups and networks where I live.
But since I speak of giftedness, creativity, multiple intelligences, higher meaning, introversion, and intuition, my words tumble to the ground, seen but not heard, and then swiftly erased by the herd as it stampedes around me.
Oh no, my alien dialect done spooked the herd!
I know there has to be other moms here like me, others I could relate to and share and vent with. But I think we’ve been trained by society to keep our mouths shut. The strange looks that imply you’re in denial, the blank look that says okaaaayyy, the heated disagreements with professionals, the number of times we have to defend our kid, only to do it again and again and again.
I rarely share my perspectives on raising a quirky kid to people in real life any more. Hell, I rarely share that my kid is somehow different than typical. I can’t share his uncommon gifts without appearing to brag. I can’t share his unique challenges without being put under the microscope.
I don’t suppose parents like me were ever really able to talk about these things much, though now with the hysteria over any deviation in childhood development, it feels harder. I wish I could go back and take away every discussion I had with a doctor about his out-of-control temper as a toddler, his hypersensitive hearing, his hypersensitive touch, his appearance of social withdrawal, his obsession with hot wheels/Thomas the Train/sharks/marine science. Would their ignorance be my bliss?
Even though I have learned all of those traits are characteristics of gifted children and have gained a new (and different) understanding of how those traits actually work together for the gifted child’s higher good, my hours and hours of research, my self-taught knowledge doesn’t matter. At least to professionals. All they see is what they are trained to see – disease and dysfunction.
I don’t want to defend again (and again and again) how my son doesn’t have Aspergers, or sensory integration, or ADHD, or what the fuck ever the media wants to obsess over that week.
There are a select few people in real life, maybe two or three, that I’ll share the special parenting challenges I face, bounce off my ideas, ask for advice, or even just vent to.
For the rest, I try to pretend to be your average parent.
So I continue building a reservoir inside myself. Hope springs eternal, so they say. For me, it springs internal. I retreat into myself, my home, and my select few people.
I slowly build a collection of books that support my beliefs so I can turn to them and remind myself yet again I am on the right path when the outside world tells me I’m not. Not that it matters to Them that I’ve done my research. That hasn’t changed. But it matters to me, so I do it. I read, collect, read again, collect some more.
Instead of vibrators with beads and knobby shafts, I have a nightstand drawer devoted to print-outs and pamphlets and tidbits of information I’ve gleaned here and there on raising gifted kids. The contents literally spill over when I open it.
That drawer, my bookcase reaffirms my path and helps me carry on. These things are my rosary beads, this blog is my confessional, and my few confidants my ministers.
It is very much like a religion – faith is the only thing that gets me through.
Note: I have NO idea where this came from. I sat down to write a post on when to fire your doctor. And this came out instead. Weird, this little, insecure Heather. I seriously considered not letting her see the public light of day, because really, who is that voice?! Not me! Oh, no, no, no. I don’t have such self-pity moments! (ahem) But then I wonder, if I did let her out, would the light help her heal?
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You are not alone. I will continue to do what I think is best for my child, just as you do. I have had the principal of the school tell me that my husband and I are our child’s problem. Never got an apology after she was tested and determined to have an auditory processing disorder. (The test we finally demanded after a visiting teacher said she was a textbook case. We had been describing her symptoms for three years, and were met with blank stares. We met one of the angels of the teaching profession, who actually pulled out the request form and filled it out for us with the tests to request. This same test the principal of our school said she didn’t need and we were wasting school resources by requesting.) I should mention that we now only attend meetings with this principal when a member of the school board is present.
I never wanted to be THAT mother, but I am and I will NEVER apologize. I often have those moments of self doubt, but then the sun comes up, I look at her, and I know that, once again, I must be continue to fight the good fight.
You will too. It is what we must do.
Heather,
I don’t think it matters whether our children are special in one are or the other. We all have these fears. These questions.
You will find your way. Keep reading. Keep researchng and fuck the weird looks you may get, but keep bouncing ideas off of those you trust.
There is no better parent for your son than you. You have been paired with him for a reason.
To fight his battle. Keep fighting. You’ll have your pity moments but then you will get your ass up and keep truckin’.
That is all.
.-= Keyona´s last blog ..No Such Thing As Perfect Family =-.
Please please PLEASE do not remove this post.
It is absolutely beautiful. Where you see insecurity, I see strength and wisdom. I see a strong mother and woman fighting for what is right.
So much love coming your way from me and this community that loves you, Heather. Bravo.
Btw, the circumcision rate is down in the 50-something percentile.
I wish things were different for you & your boy, but you are doing the only things possible to make things different in the future. BRA-fucking-VO, lady.
All of this sent from my iPhone, noted only to let you know how much I believe in you & this post. Xoxoxo
.-= VDog´s last blog ..When Is It Time To Stop (Searching for a Preschool)? =-.
OK, I’ve finally stopped lurking because of this post. I LOVE IT.
I don’t have children yet, so I won’t even pretend to understand what this feels like for you. But as someone who believes in “alternative ideas” too I just feel compelled to say there are so many of us out there that AREN’T judging you for how you are raising your son. I wish more people believed that the “western medicine disease model” wasn’t the only way to look at things. Or, rather I wish I knew where to find those people!
.-= Cathy´s last blog ..This post is brought to you by morphine. And insomnia. =-.
We’ve been in the thick of this since my older son was about 13 months old. His quirkiness has toned down from 3-4 but we’re seeing shifts and changes and I know that REAL school is going to be a completely different journey.
I’ve gotten the LOOK many times. The “oh, he doesn’t have autism” therefore he has NOTHING and it is not a big deal attitude. The “sure, you’re kid is special” eyerolly attitude.
I hear you, lady. I’m listening. And I think you’re doing right by your quirky kid.
.-= Maria´s last blog ..momentum =-.
Oh girl I feel your pain! I too have one of those quirky kids. You know the ones who check out books upon books about polar bears (because they LUV them) while others are reading Sponge Bob. Yeah, I have that kid. I too have gone head to head with some of his teachers while others have ‘seen’ it from the beginning. Sadly, the teacher that really got him had a son just like him.
I love the book Smart Boys by Barbara Kerr. If you don’t have it on your bookshelf you should.
.-= Kat´s last blog ..six word saturday – bring on spring =-.
I’ve never visited here until today–thanks to VDog’s tweet, here I am now–but I don’t think you should take this down. Why would you even consider it? You have a tough job and a valuable perspective–two common traits among mothers worldwide. We’re listening.
.-= Cass´s last blog ..Interesting drug trials that I’m watching =-.
What a very dull place the world would be if we all fit neatly into a pigeon hole. My boy is now 19 and we are STILL learning, reading, researching. Because when it’s all said and done? Only you and your family know what fits and what should be tossed.
It’s a pain in the ass to deal with the one size fits all “experts”, but I promise as time goes on, you’ll get better and better at using them to get what your family needs and sloughing off the stupidity and arrogance you don’t need.
Followed VDog’s tweet, and glad I did! Both of my kids are quirky. My eldest (6) is gifted – in intellect as well as in intuition (she shines)… My youngest (2) has lots of medical “issues” – but her sensory processing disorder is part of a larger picture – it’s been explained to me by a spirit guide that her senses allow her to see things we can’t, as though her brain has another dimension to it. She sees colors, smells odors, hears sounds, all in a way that I cn’t begin to imagine. So, quirky kids? I’m here for you girl!
VDog, yes, circumcision rates are much lower. Except in Alabama where everything is 20 years behind. Nine years ago when I was pregnant, not circumcising was CLEAR ALIEN BEHAVIOR!
I can’t relate to the issues you face with your son, but I can stand back and admire “mother bear” fighting for her cub. I can’t think of anything greater that you could do for him.
You referred to the circumcision issue, which gets my blood boiling everytime it is mentioned. The thought of babies being maimed for nothing more than making the parents happy makes me want to see the same thing done to them in some manner, under the same conditions. Thank you for having a brain, common sense, and using it towards the benefiet of your sons.
I don’t know what you’re feeling, but I have to tell you how impressed and amazed by you I am. You have a quirky kid who blazes his own trail, and you meet the challenges with your head held high. We all have the insecure moments when we wonder if we’re alone, if we’re good enough, if we’re *right* enough. You’re doing great.
As for circumcision, I wish I could go back in time and change things. Both my boys were born in military hospitals, and at that time, there was never any question about WOULD we do it – of course we would! I don’t think there are enough advocates in the military health system who are willing to tell young mothers that they have a choice and to educate them so they can make that choice. I didn’t know any better, and didn’t know that I could question the status quo. I feel my own ignorance failed my children.
I have a kindergartner that reads Harry Potter and memorizes math tables. His idea of a good time is solving multi-phase equations and trying to figure out how he can create a breathable atmosphere on Jupiter. He watches Cartoon Network, sure, but put on Nova or Nature or the Discovery Channel? He’s riveted for hours. He once threw a knock-down drag-out tantrum because he couldn’t stay up to watch a Nova special on the edge of the universe.
So when other parents around me are expressing frustration about teaching their child to read or trying to get them to count past 20, I’m trying to figure out how to help my child not be bored in school. I’m trying to figure out how I can keep up with him in math when he is rapidly surpassing my own math skills. I’m trying to keep learning exciting for him because school bores him to tears. He has trouble making friends because no one else shares his vocabulary. One little boy thought my son was swearing because he was using three-syllable words.
I know what you’re going through. It’s tough. But you have to vent sometimes, and it’s hard because most parents don’t want to hear how smart your kid is, especially if he’s smarter than their kid. Vent wherever you can and know that you have people reading this who understand what you’re going through.
.-= VirtualSprite´s last blog ..amateur dentistry =-.
A post of passion for sure.
My kid is pretty ‘normal’. At 3.5 we can tell already that ADHD is going to be something to deal with, but we’re prepared for that. I am actually the opposite of what you talk about in your first paragraph – I read your blog for your stories about your kids. I think your son is amazing and I love reading about him and about his ‘quirkiness’. I think you are a wonderful mother, and it is heartening to read your stories because I can see that for all the jokes and funny stories, you love him fiercely and it’s just… cool!
.-= Rachael´s last blog ..30 Weeks!? =-.
Oh Heather! I cried reading this, I can feel your frustration emanating from my computer! Your “quirky” kid will find his place in the world, and he will know that his mama made sure he was allowed to. I live in the same Deep South state you do, and our education system sucks. I don’t know how much better it is in other places, but you sure are right about us being 20 years behind.
I look back and wonder if I was a mild case of “quirky” myself. I don’t remember having Payton’s focus, but his sensitivities? That I had. Luckily I also had parents like you: Light Bearers. I need to tell you, he will learn a lot about how to be a good parent from the way you are caring for him. He will remember a million things you two did “when he wasn’t looking”. Keep up the good work.
Don’t ever take this post down, add it to your drawer.
We love you
Heather – I too read your blog to hear about your quirky sons. My daughter is only two, but has had to be bumped up twice in her preschool because of boredom. Thank God that the director of our daycare takes such an interest in her! She got “bored” with the care in the toddler room at 15 months and they placed her with the two year olds (learning to follow directions, beginning potty training, etc.) She moved OUT of the two year old classroom on her second birthday and is now in with the 3 year olds who are beginning to learn their letters (she already knows them), beginning counting, potty training (been there, done that), simple songs, coloring, and beginning sight words. They are debating moving her up to the Fours class in the fall. She is SOOOOOOO hyper sensitive to others feelings due to her advanced ability to comprehend (became hysterical while watching Shrek with her cousins b/c Fiona wasn’t happy with how she looked, and has had nightmares about PJ Funnybunny not being able to fit in with any of the animals (an I-Can-Read book)), so I look to you as a mom who has been there/done that. The lightbulb came on when you mentioned having to buy elastic pants, and the “nothing scratchy” – That’s Nora to a T. If I hadn’t found my way over here from Mouthy Housewives, I might very well have continued to think she was just stubborn. Keep telling it like it is!
your boy is so lucky that he got you, as his mom! x
I think youre a great mom. I have a somewhat “normal” child but we have issues just not as complex as yours. I love to hear what you have to say. Thanks for posting .
Just….Peace.
.-= mythoughtsonthat´s last blog ..Hope, Revisited =-.
There are no words to tell you how I am right there on that path. Just believe me that I am.
All of it. Just all of it. Moments of “am I kidding myself?” Just today, watching him , thinking, “Am I really a good mom? What don’t I want to see? Why won’t I go there when others appear to happily skip out with a diagnosis?”
Why don’t I see the need for a diagnosis? And why can’t I be secure in that choice? Why do I doubt what I’ve decided?
I swear that if we swapped brains for the day, you’d hear nothing you haven’t been hearing all along.
There are moms like us out there, and we are the ones to hold each other up and say, “It’s right b/c you feel it’s right…that should be enough.”
Don’t delete, Heather, b/c there are other moms out there that will send moms that need to read that over, and it’ll be down. Leave it up, have it in the archives, b/c this can be a lonely place.
I know the feeling…I actually posted something recently about disciplining my kindergartener by withholding his favorite book: An atlas (I linked it below).
MANY people figure, “They’re smart–no problem!” But there are just *different* problems than a “typical” kid. My boy’s teacher this year tried to tag him as having Aspergers, of which–with help from the GT coordinator in our district–I finally dissuaded her…she got pissed when he’d correct her on some fact that she was sharing with the class. She’s ‘afraid’ to give him work at his academic level because he won’t be doing what everyone else is–and then she’s pissed when he’s bored out of his skull having finished his table work before everyone else. And those are just a smattering of SCHOOL issues…there’s so much more.
It’s been a battle…and I *so* hear you about having a very limited number of people with whom you can discuss the challenges of raising an academically gifted kid. I myself could probably gab with you for hours on end, comparing notes!
I’m in a bit of a rush right now, but I recommend:
“Living with Intensity” it’s published by Great Potential Press…they focus on teaching/parenting gifted students. (www.giftedbooks.com)
Also, SENG (Serving(www.sengifted.org).
Hoagies Gifted Exchange (www.hoagiesgifted.org)
The More Child (a mom’s blog about her gifted kids) http://www.themorechild.com
So much more I could share, but it would monopolize your comments–I did link my recent post below.
Best to you,
from another lonely mother (!)
~Margaret
.-= Just Margaret´s last blog ..“That’s It! I’m Taking Away the Atlas!!” =-.
Moms like you give a voice to Moms like me. I just don’t go there too much in public view because I don’t want to open up that can of worms. My son already has a (valid) diagnosis of a language disorder, so why does the world keep pushing me to give him some other label which will have him growing up thinking he is “broken”? (and who decided what is normal anyhow?) He is a highly gifted child but I can’t say that either because Hey! Every Mom thinks their kid is gifted! And mine is obviously broken, so not only am I in denial, I am also deluded!
I treasure every quirky kid post of yours.
I think you’re doing an amazing job. Mothers with kids like ours need a place where we don’t feel alienated or weird or just down right ignorant. Your blog lets me know that I’m not in this alone…so thanks!!
.-= Dejoni´s last blog ..Dear Large Retail Pharmacy Store, =-.
This is SO awesome. Here via VDog’s tweet, and so glad. Please keep this post up–people need to know they aren’t alone.
I was a quirky, smart kid, and the program for gifted students saved my life when my regular 4th grade teacher couldn’t allow me to learn without doing homework, and forced me to sit outside the Principal’s office during recess to make it up.
The GATE class was a refuge from being forced into the same box as everyone else.
I don’t have kids [yet?] but am anti-circ.
Good Luck!
.-= Al_Pal´s last blog ..Sensitivity: I have it. =-.
Nobody, and I mean this seriously, nobody has a quirkier kid than my son. He’s PG, graduated from high school two years early, has ADHD, ODD, OCD, and is bipolar. Honestly, he wins the prize for quirkiness. When he was little I reached out to other mothers of PG kids because there are so few kids like this. There is a listserve that’s been around for ages for parents of PG kids, as well as GT and GT/LD kids. If you’re not on them, you might find them helpful. Carolyn at HoagiesGifted.org has all of the mailing lists on her website, which is a Godsend if you’re not familiar with all the GT literature.
The thing I can impart, more than anything else, is that being very gifted is rarely a good thing. These kids do not understand how to get along with their age peers and end up having terrible trouble in school due to the social pressures of high school. My son attended one of the best high schools in the world and he barely graduated and refused to go on to college right after school. Although he could do the work easily, his ability made him lazy and he refused to rise to any challenge. Giftedness liks this is a curse. Nobody gets that but other parents of kids like this.
I wish you well with your son. Hopefully you’ll have a much better outcome than we’ve had so far.
In your posts, I suspect I see where we’ll be in another 8 years. Amy is … interesting. Coeliacs and bad artifical dye intolerances contribute to her differences, but even when she’s not had anything to react to, she’s different. Things hurt her ears, she’s so freaking clever, but only about things she wants to learn about she’ll sing the alphabet, but doesn’t want to learn to sight recognise letters or numbers. She talks nonstop and her vocab is fantastic, but she degenerates into gibberish sometimes (true gibberish, not baby talk or babbling).
She’s just different. And difficult sometimes too. School is going to be fun.
No quirky kids here (yet), but definitely grew up as one (and with a brother who was even more so). You’re definitely not alone — even among those of us who are not yet parents & love reading and supporting (in whatever way possible) your journey.
.-= TexasRed´s last blog ..Steamed by Katie MacAlister =-.
You are a liar.
There is absolutely NO WAY I believe that there’s no vibrator in your nightstand.
.-= Bejewell´s last blog ..I Don’t Know Why It’s So Hard for Me to Just Say Congratulations on Your New Boobs =-.
Lurking mom of quirky kid here- we’ve done the neuropsych and educational testing and he is crazy smart is some areas but so low in other areas they couldn’t come up with an IQ score because the discrepancies were so large. He’s in third grade, has two friends, much prefers nonfiction over fiction (10th grade reading level but can’t spell H-O-S-E) and couldn’t catch a ball to save his life. I love him.
We’re at a Catholic school that really doesn’t care about a label since it doesn’t affect their staffing or funding, so he doesn’t have one. He would definitely have one in public school. I suspect he’d be called twice exceptional.
Whatever.
I’ve always, always had tons of respect and admiration for the way that you and Wally parented your son and how you continue to fight for him and his gifts. And I love this post. And you.
.-= Marinka´s last blog ..Bear Soup =-.
This is the first time I’m seeing this great blog. I am loving it.
I, too, have a quirky highly gifted child. I was told by 2 school principles that my husband and I were our daughters problems. One even went as far as to say that she was obnoxious and if she didn’t shape up nobody would ever like her. They almost got me! Then I fought back! Our daughter is in a small private school and she is the queen of the school. They absolutely love her and she is thriving. Family members tell us she has grown up and they are so proud of her, but I know it’s the confidence her new school has provided that they are seeing. Two years ago I was in tears thinking my child would never succeed in a regular setting. She is on to High School next year and we are excited for her future.
Thank you for your wonderful blog! Keep on blogging.
Hi, I’m new here – I love your posts on the advice site, but somehow never made it over here to your personal blog. I just wanted to say thank you for writing this – I clicked here through Marinka’s facebook link! You have a new fan. I’m so sorry that your community doesn’t embrace the way you think and parent your son – how tragic. But at least you and your husband have each other, and your wonderful, gifted, talented son.
Also, my husband isn’t American, and where he comes from (europe), most boys aren’t circumsized! We’re having our first son next month and have been sort of struggling with this decision…none of my friends understand because they all think it’s terrible to consider NOT doing it. Glad to hear you stuck by your decision…now we just need to make ours and stick with it!
This is my first time to your blog. Lo and behold, it was the exact thing I needed to read at the exact time. I have just come off of a disheartening conference with my daughter’s teacher who described a child that I do not know. I was left confused and astounded that my exceptionally bright child refuses to do pencil to paper work so her teacher sees a child that should not pass kindergarten.
Anyway…this is not about me. Keep on keepin’ on. You know in your heart of hearts that you are doing what is best for your son and your family.
.-= JennK´s last blog ..Fat Camp, day 16. =-.
I get so tired of feeling badly for my child. Why do I feel this way is the question I ask myself every day? Is it because of her ADHD? Is it because of as yet unspecified learning disabilities? Is it because her school would rather not deal with her as she is not a behavior issue? Is it because her older sister is GT and excels effortlessly in everything? It is a combination of all of those questions.
All questions I have lead to same statement. Life is harder for her…especially at school. I can fix some but not everything. Outwardly she looks fine. Inwardly she is very happy. If you saw her grades you would think…this kid is doing well. But, I know she could be doing so much better, but how to get her to that level of excellence when all these roadblocks are in the way??
.-= MusingsfromMe/Jill´s last blog ..The Real Housewives of New York Are Baaccckk! =-.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
My three-year-old guy is currently obsessed with the limbic system and Pascinian corpuscles in addition to Star Wars.
I think we’re in for it.
.-= Lisa Rae @ smacksy´s last blog ..Ocho Is Apparently No Longer His Favorite Word =-.
Write what you want to, it’s your place. I am still impressed with you.
.-= joeinvegas´s last blog ..Lemon pie =-.
It’s a no-man’s land, to be certain. Maybe your honesty and frustration will serve to bring some of us together because once you speak the word “gifted” it seems like people run the other direction, or at least that has been my experience. My son falls into the twice exceptional realm, with amazing verbal gifts and memory, but lacking certain social, fine motor and gross motor skills. We have garnered more diagnoses than I can count, but I keep pressing on knowing that his unique, quirky gifts are the most important part of who he is. I refuse to let the areas that need help dominate how he is described. And that is quite a battle I have found. Thanks for sharing your battle.
I wanted to de-lurk and let you know how much your blog helped me, a while ago, with my son. He’s an extremely challenging, quirky, extremely gifted child. I gained strength through the knowledge that I wasn’t alone… so I wanted to give a little bit back… and say thank you. I think you’re awesome and you sound like an amazing mother.
I love this post. LOVE. I’ve got my own “quirky” kid, and I think your perspective on the issue is brilliant. I usually lurk (and love you from the shadows *waggles eyebrows*), but desparately want to know about the books and articles in your nightstand drawer. Can you hook me up?? Here (a post?) or via email would be awesome. Keep on keeping on. From one alien to another. xoxox
.-= PsychMamma´s last blog ..Birth Defects from Toxic Chemicals =-.
I see so much of my son in this post, right down to the doctor appointment we had last week to discuss his out of control toddler temper. My husband is embarrased to try and explain to his family why we don’t give our kids artificial colors. Some days I think, “Screw them all and what they think about us”. Some days if asked I try and explain the reasons behind why we do what we do, but other days I’m just too tired to try and educate people who can only spout what they see or hear on TV.
I feel ya.
.-= heather´s last blog ..learning, humbly =-.
Hey! Did you get my email about Tripp’s doc? Sorry it took me so long to respond, it has just been crazy with all my little trips. You know, I leave AGAIN bright and early Thurs morning (yes, next week). Uggh!!!! Then, though, I think I am home for long enough to actually breathe. Whew!
Call or email, I promise to answer. ROTFL!
.-= Kelli @ 3 Boys and a Dog´s last blog ..I am a Tropicana Juicy Insider Ambassador! =-.
Sweet Lady, you are doing a great job as a mom. Don’t EVER stop blogging because we need you!
let’s start a movement! the ‘nothing’s wrong with my kid, they are just smarter than YOU! movement.
before everything had to be diagnosed, these kids had problems but at least some of the time, some of the teachers would take their side because they were smart. would acknowledge it. would work WITH it. would be glad to have a kid capable of MORE, a kid that would challenge their skills and possibly make them look like a genius teacher due to what they were capable of learning.
now anyone different is a problem.
You inspire me as a mother.
.-= anymommy´s last blog ..The Walk to 160 Pounds =-.
Today was my first visit. I have a quirky six year old. She has been different from day one. I too have contemplated diagnosis and am fairly certain if I took her to be tested Asperger’s would follow her for the rest of her life. Fortunately, I have an extremely quirky father and have seen so much of him in my daughter that even though there has been pressure to conform and get her diagnosed I am confident that she will end up fine. In my opinion quirky/bossy/over achieving/sensitive/sometimes introverted adults are way more socially acceptable than these people as children.
I walk a tight line with everyone from doctors to schools to friends. Everyone has an opinion, just like they have an a#$hole. I avoid most playdates, I never talk to my friends about my daughter and our struggles. What really stinks is that I also never talk about her successes because no one can relate to them either. I too don’t want to brag, but if I follow a brag story with a challenge I am instantly labeled as too strict, too lenient too whatever.
My point is that I really appreciated this post. I too have felt insecure in my decisions, yet I have the conviction to stick to them even if I alienate myself from family and friends. I don’t know about you, but I am totally convinced that by nurturing the gifts and helping her learn to cope with the struggles I am raising a force to be reckoned with in adulthood. Thanks for opening up and letting a complete stranger know that she is not alone.
I’ve been lurking, but please don’t feel alone. There are so many of us with “quirky” kids that are trying to do our best for them. You are an inspiration to me. Thank you.
Just found your blog, but I will be reading it now and looking at older posts. I have FOUR of these kids, from age 15 to 3. It has been hard for me, since I am a natural non-confrontationist, to get to the point where I’ve learned how to make happen what I want to happen for my kids (early entry to gifted programs, etc.). Turns out, if the parent wants it done, they have to do it. Who knew?
Anyway, I’ll definitely be reading.
.-= Fiona Picklebottom´s last blog ..Thank you! =-.
I just read your blog for the first time and I’m totally with you. I have 3 boys of my own one of which is considered “special needs”. I find that term funny since he’s no different than any other child you’d meet at the playground. My son has bipolar and as soon as people find out they keep their children away like he has some contagious disease. I, like you always get the funny stares when people find out that I put my son on medication. It apparently makes me a bad parent or something. They would never do something like that to their child. We made the decision for my son’s well being not our own. Every kid is different and you just have to do what you feel is right for them. Keep doing what you think is right and forget about everyone else…and remember there are more of us out there that understand what you are going through.
i have to tell you, Heather, that your post actually brought me to tears (and people tell me my heart is made of stone. haha.). Since birth, my 6 yr old daughter has changed my life in ways that NO ONE ever talks, writes or hints about. I have been severely criticized by almost everyone ive ever tried to talk with about her, but i still cannot honestly say that I enjoy being around her most of the time OR that i can’t remember (or miss!) my life before i had her. Terrible, i know, but the only way i’ve stayed sane is to be truthful, if to no one else but myself.
I’ve felt lonely for so long, not that i haven’t verbalized my worries, fears, insanity, anger, frustration, and amazement ad nauseum along the way, but i’ve never spoken with anyone that i felt truly understood or, maybe more importantly, even believed me. So, as you described, i’ve stopped talking, stopped reaching out in an attempt to find someone who could not only understand but might be able to help.
Thank you for reaching out to all of us that have been feeling the same way and now know there’s at least one other person out there who gets it. Your optimism and hopefulness pulled me out of my depths today, and i can’t thank you enough.