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Why Little League is a Big Deal for Some Adults

Why Little League is a Big Deal for Some Adults

I’ve seen them at a swim meet, a ballet lesson, a parent-teacher conference, a piano recital, or on the sidelines of the little league field—parents, who are too concerned and overbearing about their child’s performance. While being enthusiastically involved in your child’s life is a good thing, an obsession with their ability to perform perfectly at a social event can be harmful to their fragile self-esteem.


Participating in sports, playing an instrument, or going to school should not cause a child to feel humiliated or embarrassed, but I’ve seen it happen all too often. A parent’s expectations are too high or they compare one sibling to another and the child feels inferior at home plate—whether on the field or at the family dinner table. (Some parents wait until they get home to discourage a child for their public performance.)


As parents, we are here to guide and support our children to be the best they can be at whatever profession or life path they choose. Why are some parents so hard on their kids to achieve greatness? Here are some of my observations.


Personality


Parents with what we call a Type-A personality are usually competitive and work-obsessed to the point that their behavior is impacting their health and wellbeing. They feel a strong sense of urgency, are impatient, get easily frustrated or upset over small things, interrupt others, walk or talk rapidly, and may be hostile or aggressive. Someone with a Type-A personality may not even be aware that they are mistreating others—especially their children. It’s not uncommon for little league coaches to exhibit Type-A personalities.


Lack of Self-Esteem


Some parents are motivated by their own lack of self-esteem and may push their children into competitive or performance-based activities. Then, when the child fails at the task, the parent feels disappointed or takes it personally. They may try to get their kids to “take it like a man” in order to strengthen their ability to be successful. They may tell their child, “You’ll never grow up to amount to anything if you give up now. You have to keep taking piano lessons no matter how much you hate it now. You’ll thank me for this one day.”


Embarrassment


Some parents feel embarrassed by their child’s mistakes and end up projecting their shame onto the innocent party. They may force their son to continue playing football because the father feels the boy is a sissy when he says he says he hates getting knocked down by his opponents. This parent may say things such as, “Knock them down before they get a chance to hit you.”


Living Vicariously Through Others


Those who hope to recover an unrealized dream of their own, may try to live and make up for it through their child’s life. This parent may say something like, “I could have been a professional ballplayer if my parents hadn’t made/let me quit the team when I was a teenager. You don’t know how lucky you are that I go to all your games.”


The TLC TV program, Toddlers and Tiaras, shows examples of moms who want their young daughters to win beauty pageants at all costs. Perhaps the mother is still feeling rejected because she never made the cheerleading team in high school.


I realize that parents don’t intend to harm their children. Many times we are simply repeating the parenting methods that were used to raise us. Intuitive children are more emotionally sensitive than some of the members of our generation.


Here are some suggestions for helping your child to follow his or her divine spiritual purpose:


Communication


Throughout the thirty years of my work with children, I have found that calm communication creates better understanding and cooperation.


Talk to your child and allow him to make his own decision about what artistic or competitive activities he wishes to be involved in. It requires a lot of time and money to enroll in a sport or class. Making sure the child really desires to be involved in a particular activity before enrollment is a good way to ensure that the child will stick with the activity for at least one season. If he doesn’t want to continue after that, there’s no reason to force him. Save your money and put it toward something that does interest him. We are all inclined to change our minds about things once we’ve had the opportunity to explore.


Dreaming


A vision for a life brings hope. We rarely succeed in activities for which we have no passion or motivation. Ask your child what she feels like she came here to do. You might be surprised that she knows her spiritual purpose. Seek opportunities for her to explore paths that will lead her toward her destiny or career that reflects her beliefs, dreams, and hopes.


Every soul has a purpose for coming to Earth. How are you supporting your child’s divine mission? The Sid Series by Yvonne Perry has a story titled “You Can Be” in which three-year-old Sidney learns to listen to his inner guidance and explore his life purpose and career options.


Mentoring



Teach them how to do what you do. Be a role model or mentor for the skills that you possess. I know of a nine-year-old who assists his auto mechanic father in working on customer’s vehicles. Do you sew, crochet, or like gardening? Let your child give it a try. Does your child love animals? Take him on a field trip to see what goes on behind the scenes at your local vet or zoo. This is a great way to spend time together.


Deal With Your Own Stuff


If we are too hurt, hurried, busied, reactive, stressed out, numb, rushed, negative, or sick, then we need to change. Life will simply pass us by while we think we are living it. If you find that you are a Type-A personality, have low self-esteem, feel embarrassed by your child’s shortcomings, or are living vicariously through him or her, get help. Find someone to talk to. Perhaps a support group for parents, or personal counselor could help you deal with your own issues.


All of life’s lessons should build up a child’s self-confidence. It is time to support children’s gifts for their personal happiness and achievement. It’s time to enable each child to find and fulfill his dream.


Dr. Caron Goode is a licensed counselor, author of a dozen books, and educational trainer. She is the founder of the Academy for Coaching Parents International at the forefront of the parent coaching movement to disseminate the coaching model of empowerment for parents. Her most recent book, Raising Intuitive Children has won the National Best Book award for the parenting\family category. Her newest book is Kids Who See Ghosts, How To Guide Them Through Their Fears.


Article tags:sports kids, children baseball, little league, parent coaches, softball children, helicopter parents, dr caron b goode

Am I a Good Mother?

Am I a Good Mother?

I’m following along several other bloggers who are inspired by this fabulous, thought-provoking, empowering post from Rebecca at Girls Gone Child. If you haven’t yet heard of it in blogosphere, go read it. It’s worth the read by itself but what I’m about to say will not make much sense without understanding how this got started.


The point of her blog was to help us moms (and dads too) reclaim ourselves as good, great, even amazing parents.


please pause while I give it a standing ovation.


There was one line in particular in Rebecca’s blog that really struck a cord with me. She said, “Claiming to be bad parents is the new ‘I’m fat’ for even the thinnest of women.” I completely get what Rebecca is talking about. I understand it and have seen it in action.


I just wish that was as far as it went with me. Sure, I’ve jokingly called myself a bad mother when I confessed how I folded the Spare’s cheese into squares and not in rectangles. Everyone who read that knew it was tongue in cheek.


But the whole feeling of being a bad mother goes a bit deeper for me.


I spent my early parenting years (well, the first five years, so really almost all of my parenting to date) feeling much like a failure because I had this child I could barely manage. And I don’t mean barely manage as in the rough days here and there, oh this mothering stuff is tough, because it is a tough job.


I mean barely managing as in I had a child I could not control. I mean tantrums so out of control he would injure himself, how he would purposely injure himself as a small toddler. I’m talking biting himself until he bruised and banging his head in anger until he had a goose egg.


I had a child who would rarely accept a hug from me. My child turned away from my affection. Or he would let me hug him and stay stiff that non-verbally screamed…get off!..and left me feeling rejected. He would rarely let me comfort him when he was crying, upset or hurt. I couldn’t make him feel better with a kiss or a touch. He would pull away or cry even harder when I did.


I even had zero control over what shirt the kid wore…at 20 months old. I could not control something so simple as what shirt he wore. Oh, I could force it. I could physically restrain him & wrestle that polo shirt on while he kicked and screamed but he would keep kicking & screaming long after I put it on him. And wherever it was we were going, he would continue being out of control there too.


Over a damn shirt.


And no, a shirt isn’t that big of a deal. But a shirt on top of everything else, on top of the nothing else I could do right with this child….


Those few examples just skim the barrel of life as a parent to the Heir. Other parents all around me didn’t have the kind of problems I had with my son. They could control their toddlers and kids within reason.


I could not.


Within reason? What was that and how did it apply to my son?


Parenting techniques & solutions that work so well they have been passed down for generations did not work for me. Advice from these other parents in control didn’t work. The common sense, tried and true solutions didn’t work. It had to be me. I was the problem. Because everyone else could make these things work and their children were good, reasonable, malleable. But I couldn’t do it.


Damn right I felt like a bad mother. Damn skippy I thought I was a failure at this mother gig.


That was before I heard or knew the terms Aspergers, high functioning autism, autistic spectrum, sensory integration. I spent the first 5 years not knowing his behavior problems could possibly be one of those above disorders and not because I am a bad mother.


So for me personally, thinking & saying “I’m a bad mother” isn’t the new “I’m fat.”


Just like those early years are the most formative for the children, what if they are also the most formative for the parent and their self-image too? And it isn’t like a magic light has turned on in the Heir’s mind and all of the troubling behavior is a thing of the past. I’m still faced on a pretty damn regular basis with situations where I feel like a failure again. Of not knowing what to do with him, how to handle him, how to help him. I still feel helpless a lot. Old habits die hard.


I’m still in the process of healing myself of all of the doubts, guilt, and mostly self- blame. Because it’s only been about a year or so that I even knew autism was a possibility. And we still don’t know if it is for sure because that’s the road we’re on right now. We might never know exactly what it is that makes our son tick the way he ticks. And maybe that’s ok. Maybe we don’t have to know. He is what he is and it is up to us as parents to find ways to help him thrive, regardless of what it is called.


After reading Rebecca’s post and I asked myself how I’m an amazing parent when it comes to the Heir, I had to stop and think. And think. And think. Because it isn’t easy to sift through all of the hardness of raising him and get to the good. But I’m doing it and doing it more on a regular basis than I use too. I’m beginning to focus more on the good and not the worries, which is why I haven’t really written about the problems with him before. I don’t want “abnormal” or “wrong” to be my focus with him anymore.


Friends truly are treasures and Jennifer’s post was exactly what I needed to read to get some positive feelings going. And I began to realize some other things.


I’m a good mother because I am his advocate and his voice while he is still too young to understand what is going on inside of him.


I’m a good mother because I now get that physical touch feels different to him and I ask if I can have a hug instead of just taking one. I give him the opportunity to decide what his body can handle at that moment and I respect him when he says no, not right now. I don’t make him feel guilty for turning down affection from his mom.


I’m a great mother because I take him shopping to pick out his own clothes, even if it means going to two dozen stores and touching over 200 shirts to make sure they “feel right” to him.


I’m a great mother because I support his focused & very real passion for the ocean and all marine life. I do all that I can to encourage his love of nature & learn right along with him.


I’m an amazing mother because I try to peel back all of the things society labels as abnormal and know he is something more than I’ll ever be.


I’m an amazing mother because I have faith that somehow all of his sensory issues and quirks will serve some higher purpose for him, even if I can’t see how yet. I have faith in him.


I am an amazing mother!


I’m feeling really gushy right now and want to thank all of my friends who have been there with me through this journey, seeing that there is something more to the Heir than usual, being the ones to remind me that I am not a bad mother when I really didn’t feel it at all, and also for helping me see the wonderful in him too. All of you have supported and uplifted me more than you’ll probably ever know.

They say parenting is the hardest job ever, but let’s establish a pecking order anyway

They say parenting is the hardest job ever, but let’s establish a pecking order anyway

I’m writing this blog post from my easy chair. It’s where I sit and enjoy my easy life.  I’m a stay-at-home mom (sort of) so I have it easy. Apparently.


Or am I a work-at-home mom? I do have a part-time job that is done from home for 4.5 years now, though I still identify myself as a SAHM for some reason. But that’s neither here nor there because I still have it easy. Comparatively.


(pause)


Sorry. I had to stop and eat a few bonbons, swallow some Xanax for shits and giggles (because what do I know of stress? I don’t commute!) and then Twitter from the iPhone I don’t need since I don’t have a “real” job that pays the bills.


(my job provides fun money, if you call saving for everyone’s birthdays fun.)


Recently there was a vlog by a mom blogger group site I won’t link because I’m a bitch like that who only does easy (and I don’t want to send traffic.) But this interview-style vlog was about how hard working moms have it and apparently didn’t have a proper demographic representation of all working mothers. It was just work-at-home elite mom bloggers who, if you didn’t know, have it easier than work-out-of-home moms. Or so I’ve heard.


This caused a couple of other bloggers to write posts on the topic, but again, I’m a bitch who likes it easy and looking up and hyperlinking other places isn’t all that easy.  It takes like a whole extra four clicks.


But I’m going summarize for you.  You may be like me and like the easy life, so I’m going to break the hierarchy down for you to make it easy.


SAHM – EASY, not a real job because it doesn’t pay bills, which is the definition of a real job.


WAHM – HARDER, a real job since it pays bills but still not as hard because there’s no commute and you get to spend more than 30 minutes a day with your children. Flexibility negates the screaming children in the background of a conference call.


WOHM – HARDEST!  Gone from children all day long, must leave when child is sick. Bosses. Deadlines. Papers. HARD!


I’m going to give it to WOHMs and say yes, they probably have it hardest. I know and have known many WOHMs and have seen how it goes. Do you know what it means to be a WOHM? It means you’re a SAHM with an outside job because, unless you’re married to an exceptional man, the woman is still required to take care of the vast majority of housework and family obligations while doing her outside job too.


That fucking sucks ass. And the inequality of it pisses me off.


Do you ever wonder why that it is? Why the division of home life is still unevenly divvied up to the woman, even if she works 40+ hours a week too?


If the role of a SAHM is “easy,” why in the hell would anyone, husbands included, think managing the home life deserves the respect of equality?


Let’s keeping shooting ourselves in our own fucking foot.

Positive aspects of Kids Coloring Pages

Positive aspects of Kids Coloring Pages

Not only the kids, even the activity of coloring sheets is a fun-driven hobby for the moms and dads and teachers alike. They likewise draw joy and considerably captivate from these most efficient things, by organizing, gathering, and offering these coloring page to their kids. As it isn’t a matter of seconds and minutes, it also takes enough time and care. It aptly engrosses the seniors of the household similar to the kids, by either getting the coloring hard copies from computer, or by bring your children to business stores to get it. Hence, it is a tremendously an amusing hobby for all ages of life.



Coloring Sheets significantly improve our kids’s creative thrust and promote the imaginative imagination in them. Teaching your kid to enjoy coloring sheets mlp coloring pages also motivate a plethora of development abilities such as coordination, and decision-making as well as how to follow through and complete their it.


No that isn’t the case, teaching your little one or ones to really browse for their own my little pony coloring pages present children to the Internet. Prior to long I’m sure your child will start to teach you a thing or 2 about the Internet that you didn’t understand.


It isn’t really something an activity of every day life, even it can be a finest thing for your child’s birthday party. You can utilize your complimentary coloring sheet to have a coloring contest where naturally everyone wins a reward as another fun activity. Remember that these are coloring page which you can keep in your kid’s scrapbook permanently. This basic activity will end up being something that can be handed downed from generation to generation.

For more information visit www.coloringpages4kidz.com/home/my-little-pony-coloring-pages/.